Wanting to be controlled - continued

It's been a while since I commented last. Instead of writing I thought I might make a real effort to do something about the sexual feelings that have been dominating my waking life.


Following ~M's advice I tried some submissive websites. I'm not sure what I was looking for - opportunities to have further exchanges with someone who understood my needs, physical release through cybering - both of these were on the agenda at first.


This wasn't as straightforward as I had hoped so I looked back at what I had got out of previous excursions into online-led arousal.


I found YouPorn and RedPorn from an article in the Financial Times and this was an amazing find that really helped me begin to understand where my sexual desires were focused. Really arousing are the videos of female orgasms - this really surprised me. I quickly get really wet and aching from watching only one or two of these, especially if there is a soundtrack.

In the orgasm videos the women appear to be having a good time, focusing on their own arousal rather than pleasuring some stud. So that gives me permission to have the same feelings - but masturbating at the keyboard doesn't work - so I have to take myself in hand later - so to speak.


I'm also really turned on by Literotica stories about control and submission with lesbian leanings - my ideal fantasy is to be controlled/persuaded into lesbian sex.


So where did this leave me?


The experience with ~M - laid out for all to see further back in this Blog - was delicious in sexual terms - a hard act to follow.

My first experiment with cyber sex via a Literotica chat room was not a success sexually - I don't think I got the hang of typing, fantasising and masturbating at the same time - I ended up wet but frustrated.

So my next attempt to see where this took me involved more cyber sex. I posted my availability in a chatroom and quickly met someone interested in lesbian sex - but this got quite scary as the person demanded webcam or digital photos - she(?) became really quite aggressive. I remembered ~M's advice about not having to do things that didn't feel right, even if I was the submissive and so I questioned the need for pictures. this brought the session to a close very quickly.

So I'm not sure what to do next.

I long to have a lesbian experience in my fantasies. But a solo fantasy seems a poor second after ~M. Cybering seemed the answer to that - but I'm not sure how one finds someone willing to build fantasies. My experience so far has not been promising.

The submissive website: http://www.submissiveloving.com/online.html has an invitation to display blogs - but there are no others from women wanting to be controlled by women. I did post the link to my blog - but it hasn't appeared in the listings.

So I live in hope and carry on reading Literotica!

More soon.

If these ramblings strike a chord with you then please feel free to comment.