This is awful and scary. I’m very aroused and usually I would use my fingers in concert with my mind, think about a scenario where another person – usually a woman - touches me so my clitoris and vagina react against my will and I lose control over my body.
But I’m so aroused now that I can’t concentrate on bringing up a picture and a story - I don’t even really want to touch myself as somehow I feel that would be wrong – I think I would feel guilty as it is someone else’s right to do that.

Thinking this way is making it worse – I’m so turned on now that my vagina aches and I’m afraid I will do something really risky that would expose me as some kind of sex addict – maybe put myself under the control of someone else who will make me do things that will expose me.

An hour later ….
I’ve tried to clear my mind in the hope that the arousal will subside – distracting myself with reading an article in an electronic journal – the sort that would normally put you to sleep.
But I keep revisiting this in my mind – like my tongue if I have a sore tooth – so I hope the best way to ‘manage’ my body is to return to why I feel like this and what can I do about it…

SO not working …… I ache to have someone’s tongue on my clit – she is drawing me into her web and normally I would be fantasizing ‘despite my struggles’ – not now I’m going willing, yearning desperately, but I have no picture – if I try to picture a person, even a woman, all I get is the feeling that I have become a vagina and a clitoris with no brain. That is a new feeling that has come with an increasing arousal – normally this level of arousal only occurs after some serious hand work after reading a literotica story or with a home grown fantasy.

Today all I have done is read a blog posting.

Funnily enough I usually feel a bit guilty about reading erotic stories and masturbating. Not now – it’s almost as though someone has taken over the pleasure centre in my mind – I’m feeling really panicky. I wish I could go back to the safety of those fantasies and being in control in my real life.

Shit – I don’t like this…. but, ‘Yes’ maybe I do ……

Trouble is I’m now reading an article about computers and human behaviour – it is scary how relevant it is….

“Privacy expresses the wish to be active in a certain unique manner within a certain social framework, such as a state, neighborhood, a chat room, work, friends, or family. This framework includes other people who we must take into account, while still retaining our own identity.
Privacy expresses a wish to belong to a social group, to keep its principles (or at least
its essential ones), but still have space for imagining and doing whatever one wants—even if this may sometimes conflict with certain prevailing norms. Privacy involves the wish to maintain some discretion over one’s intimate affairs.
In cyberspace, we can belong to a certain social or personal framework without assimilating into this framework, as we still have an offline life and we control the type of private information that is revealed.


I want you to know who I am….. Am I losing control of my offline life?