We stopped on the bottom level of the multi-storey carpark. You chose a bay just under a security camera, near the attendant’s office. It was shadowy but not completely dark.

I shivered, I knew what was coming, what I was expected to do.

Under my full length, pure wool, overcoat I only wore underwear and stilettos. White sheer silk French knickers with lacy frills, matching hold up stockings and a balconet bra that framed rather than hid my breasts.

You helped me out of the car and led me around to the front and pushed me back slightly so I was leaning against the still warm bonnet. You kissed me deeply and squeezed my throat gently; then as you walked away you nudged the wing and the car’s alarm went off.

The car vibrated and I shivered again; would anybody hear, would anybody see, would anybody come to investigate? Then I heard a shout and saw an approaching torch beam. Suddenly the beam caught me and I was held like a deer in the headlights. Knowing I was seen but not able to see galvanised my arousal. I undid the buttons of the coat and slid the shoulders down my arms a little way, so the dark fabric contrasted against my skin. The light reflected off my skin as I arched my back and ran my hands over my breasts, I wanted to show him how beautiful I was, how aroused. My nipples were rock hard as I ran my hands over them; my slit oozed juice as I pulled the fabric tight.

I heard a kind of growly sound, the noise you sometimes make in your throat when you want to fuck me. This set me off…I whispered, “Fuck me, please fuck me!” and let the coat slide to the floor as I leaned further back over the bonnet and spread my legs.

I closed my eyes and felt a hand on my shoulder and another between my legs, tearing off my knickers. I shuddered and moaned as I was flipped over and bent over the bonnet.

I felt pressure on my slit as he pushed his cock just inside my vagina. He paused and groaned as my muscles contracted against the hot head. I pictured you looking at me and imagined I was a butterfly being pinned to a board, his cock thrusting me against the bonnet. I knew this image would be hardening your cock as you softly stroked it while watching me.
This is turn aroused me still further, I arched my back and thrust myself backwards deeper onto his cock.
“I want to cum, make me cum,” I begged.
His response was to thrust harder and slide his hand around my hips under my slit. His movements pushed my clit against his hand and I hit top dead centre and squealed as my vaginal muscles jolted and contacted against his cock. A couple of thrusts more and I collapsed shuddering and twitching on the bonnet, juice squirting everywhere. I felt him withdraw and move away and then you were there. You gently turned me over and wrapped me in my coat. I could sense your arousal and I whimpered, I was ready to be taken again….. and you took me to heaven, in that carpark…there and then….

Increasingly I find shafts of light in understanding my submissiveness. This image shows how I feel right now.

A solid silver bangle shows how I’m shackled by my sexuality to behaving submissively. It is a constant reminder, as if I needed one….. it bangs on the shower door when I reach for the soap, it feels warm to the touch if my other hand brushes my wrist when I pull down my sleeve.

I see men noticing it and then they seem to look at me speculatively; women just smile knowingly and I smile back. They will know, if they are as deeply submissive as I, that any dominant person regardless of their gender will have the trigger to control me.

And what I can be controlled to do seems to be getting more natural…. I don’t need to be made to do anything anymore… I seem to want to ……. It seems that I might be initiating things….. but I can’t be…. that’s not how submissiveness works.

So the impetus for me comes from a thought, a wish, a remark, a comment……

The latest idea….. I’m in a wine bar, sitting on a high stool, chatting to the person serving. I’m sipping a glass of cold white wine. A palm brushes my throat from behind and I’m drawn back into your body. I lean back against you, knowing you will balance me

You breathe in my ear as you cup my throat in your hand. You whisper, “Relax!” and I lean further into your chest, completely surrendering my support to you.
You run your other hand up my thigh and my legs drift apart as the sensation communicates itself to my core. The wrap around skirt I’m wearing parts and the two sides drop away to reveal my legs and knickers. There is a rustle of interest around us as people notice what I’m revealing and whisper to draw others’ attention.

You slip your fingers under the elastic of my knickers and run the tips along the exposed flesh of my tummy. My legs spread further, this is such a delicious feeling. You gently reach down and pull aside my knickers to reveal my sex. I see people looking and this makes me shudder and shudder and moan.
“Taste yourself,” you whisper. I slip two fingers fully into my slit and put them, dripping, into my mouth. There is a buzz of anticipation and that pushes me further towards the edge.

I murmur, “Please, please?” You grip my throat a little more firmly and that is the answer to my request. I groan and arch my hips up to meet my fingers. I rub my clit, slowly at first and then faster, spurred on by the gathering crowd of spectators, inching ever closer.

You hold me firmly as I shudder and jolt, making sure I stay on the stool. You kiss me softly behind the ear and this finally helps me cum. I whimper as my orgasm hits and the juice floods out onto the seat between my legs.

As the shudders lessen you swing my seat around and enfold me in your arms and gentle me to your chest. I shiver and burrow closer, safe and released at last.

We are out for the evening and just before we go into the bar you stop. We pause in a doorway and you slip your hand around my throat. Your hand grips me firmly but my airflow is not impeded.

I breathe faster; you can feel this as I’m being held against you. You whisper a question in my ear, “How do you feel?”

Before I can answer I am overwhelmed with emotion, I shiver and tears roll down my cheeks.

I sob my answer, “Safe, I feel so safe….”

And then I shudder and groan.. I have been hit by the most amazing arousal and my knickers are instantly soaked. I arch back against you .

You whisper again, “Yes, feel it, go with it…….”



…………………..Being submissive is a mind blowing roller coaster ride

I know that I should have been more attentive to your messages…… but today I was a bit distracted and now I know that I may have displeased you.

If I’m honest, I’m rather aroused by the thought that you might walk through the door at any moment and ask me to hand you the cane. Part of me desires contact… any contact… not that I want to be beaten, but even being struck is having attention paid to me.

But part of me wants to be hurt,

to jump at the shock of the welts, to experience the sting of broken skin;

to feel the softness of your tongue gathering the blood, the silken caress of the healing balm;

to be gentled after the punishment and to be taken to screaming orgasm….

You have told me to sit in the chair by the window. I have my eyes closed. I hear the door open and close and I strain to work out how many people have entered the room.

Is it you or someone else?

No sounds except gentle breathing. I shudder as I feel breath above my breasts, the air as it cools stiffens my nipples.

I shift on the chair, my legs opening involuntarily as I feel finger nails running down my breasts. My nipples are pinched gently and then harder, that makes me moan slightly as I shudder again.

Is it you or someone else?

The touching continues, down across my tummy, brushing my mound and stroking my inner thighs. I arch up my hips to increase the sensation.

I feel my hair being lifted off my neck and a tongue gently caress the skin behind my ear. The tongue carries on down my neck and kisses me at the point where my neck meets the middle of my chest.

I inhale and can smell….. a very faint trace… is it eau de toilette, soap…. Not sure, in a way that makes it more arousing… Is it you, or are you just watching?

I moan, I need to be stroked now….my sex is soaking, literally… I whimper and plead…”Please, please, fuck me,” I beg.

My pleading is ignored…having to beg increases my arousal. I can feel the juice oozing between my labia and onto the chair.

I feel my leg being pinched hard….. I twitch… it means I shouldn’t be begging as that is impolite and sluttish.

The stroking continues, always shying away from my sex at the last minute. I’m so aroused and frustrated now that I shudder continuously.

An unfamiliar voice whispers, “You have to cum, don’t you?” I whimper in reply. Again a whisper, “Do you want me to make you cum?”

“Yes,” I whisper in response… shuddering, so humiliated that I have been begging a complete stranger.

Again the voice questions……. “Even though I might be filming you for my friends?”

“Yes,” I groan, “oh yes.”

I wish you would say something…… I have to know I please you….

Are you there or am I alone with the stranger?

I’m waiting, I’m not allowed to look to see if you are coming as that is against the rules.

I never know when you will arrive, I wait here as it is less painful than trying to distract myself.

I’m aroused, I aways am if I think you are coming. My nipples ache, I press my legs together to divert my mind from focusing on how wet I’m getting.

When you arrive I will leave the window to stand in front of you. You sit and watch me. You ask me to touch myself and I gently scratch my nipples and this makes me moan. I run my fingernails down my tummy and slip a finger into my slit.

I’m not allowed to touch my clit until you give permission, you nod and I sigh. I gently rub my clit, you look at me closely to see how wet I’m getting. Your close attention makes me shudder. You tell me to rub my clit and stroke my breasts…… it feels so good and I can’t help groaning.

As you watch I get really aroused, I’m so close, I want to cum. I whimper…..

You beckon and I approach and I know you want me to sit on your lap. You put your arm around me and kiss my neck softly, I writhe on your thighs. You twist my nipples just a little harder than usual and that makes me shudder. You slip a couple of fingers up my vagina, with no preamble, and I immediately convulse on them.

You whisper in my ear, “Cum now, writhe on my fingers, let me feel you.” That is the trigger that sends me over the edge……

Still placing myself in danger

I really feel sometimes that I have found the answers and other times that they are just out of reach and that even if I stretch I will never get them.

Case in point… when I last wrote I was feeling optimistic that I was beginning to understand what being submissive meant in my terms…. for someone with my personality traits.

But the events of the week following that last post show how tenuous that understanding was….how I hadn’t learnt to recognise the danger signals.

My arousal fluctuates in cycles, presumably it is driven by my hormones.. but there doesn’t seem to be an identifiable pattern linked to anything. This is also no help… if I could predict when I was likely to be at my most aroused then I would stop communicating until the peak had passed.

But I don’t and that is where all this kicks off….. and I still shudder, in a bad way, when I revisit what I have done….

None of this was planned, anticipated or welcomed……… I can’t even identify what it was that made me so aroused but there I was, hanging by my fingernails, longing for someone to hear me orgasm……… and, because I equate pleasing people with being accepted, I allowed someone access to my private world.

Unfortunately, it was as exciting as I thought it would be….. it wasn’t telephone sex…. it was me performing to an audience…. hopefully of only one person….. but I’m not even sure of that.

I felt horrendous afterwards, although the sky didn’t fall……but a bit of me longs to do that again.

Hopefully that’s another lesson learned…. but I do wish they weren’t so bloody painful and achieved at such a high personal cost.

Sometimes I wonder whether it would be easier to give it all up….. trouble is my libido refuses to stay down!

Ho hum……