Wistful

A New Kingdom?

2011-05-31T17:34:00.000+01:00

Being described as an enigma took me by surprise… Dr Jekyll and Mrs Hyde and I understood the reference.

That I'm two women is much clearer to me now and, interestingly, there are very few people who see the two. Not even to my closest offline friends are there glimpses of the recently discovered submissive. But to one - a very new friend - both sides regularly appear and, worryingly, I can switch instantly between both personas.

I say 'worryingly' since the professional me - capable, skilled, assertive, professional, intelligent - is my safe zone where I am in control.

I'm not even sure this person is aware of how easily he can make me switch… it is just as well he is halfway round the world… to be that vulnerable is scary.
What is even more frightening, in a way, is that the trigger is not sexual. We have talked about personal values, films, strategies for the computer game we are playing and "BAM" I turn from someone with the brain the size of a planet (!) … superwoman into a gibbering idiot who has difficulty shutting the door on her own.
My only way of coping is to find some banal excuse to terminate the conversation.

What is the explanation? I feel a bond with this person; we have things in common - we share a propensity for completely misinterpreting what the other has said. We seem both to be sensitive souls who care deeply about our values.

Where is this taking me?

I had been puzzled by his reactions to some of my remarks and requests; worried about how I interacted with him…the Jekyll and Hyde thing is a light bulb moment.

As a submissive my main goal is to please. I realise that he triggered the submissive in me with certain phrases he uses naturally. His reaction suggests that he is not aware of their significance.

I realise now that this was happening by looking back at some of my reactions. I was devastatingly distressed by making mistakes. To be told I had caused problems, that I had written or said the wrong things provoked a deep visceral reaction… I felt sick and couldn’t stop sobbing.

For a while this paralysed me around him. Instinctively I dealt with it by creating two very different players in the game - as one persona I am confident and managing - I call myself Bossy Boots. This character works because I distance myself from him. The other persona has an overtly sexual name and flirts.

Where this will go I have no idea; the light bulb only lit up today.

Where am I now? Discovering that my submissiveness is not purely sexual is very threatening. Although I think I could entrust my life to him.

How do I feel? There is a connection between us. I think he is one of Life's Guides - there is something spiritual about him.

Am I besotted? Hell! No!

Is the connection both cerebral and sexual? Hell! Yes!

2011-02-19T20:36:00.002Z

I am conflicted, truly and deeply conflicted now.

For the first time I have opened myself up to another person in a really deep way. The account of this experience is posted on another blog, mainly because I feel a deep seated need to distance my head from the rest of me..... Ok, yes I can say it now... from my cunt.

Please don't judge me too harshly.......

http://trapped-whoredomfromboredom.blogspot.com/

Tears for fears

2011-01-25T16:50:00.002Z

This new year marks what seems to be another stage in my learning.

There are two aspects to this; I have gained insight into some of the cultural aspects of why I do and feel what I do; I have also had some experiences that have opened a window on other people and why they do what they do.
My thanks to my friend Lori for asking a question and providing a link to a debate that struck a chord… this led to my first revelation.

Hugo Schwyzer explores why women, young ones in particular, are still allowing themselves to be exploited; why there is still guilt and conflict associated with sexuality when feminism has changed opportunities for women.
http://m.jezebel.com/5686773/the-problem-with-being-sexy-but-not-sexual

My initial reaction to this was “Doh!…..” because we still live in a male dominated society.
Growing up, looking sexy equated with being a slut......something no-one wanted to be....so I never was....never did wear the shortest skirt, show any cleavage etc. But as soon as the pill was available it was virtually impossible for a submissive like me to say No... so every male I met who wanted to fuck me, did.
So conferences, nights out, parties and holidays were a nightmare of feeling obligated to have unsatisfactory sex. And I didn't enjoy it...penetrative sex still is not something that works although maybe the Rabbit will alter that...

I agree that turning back the clock will not solve the problem... guilt as a means of social control will never be the answer; but empowering girls through having open and honest discussions about sex, sexuality and love might enable them to see they have a choice and the right to make that choice and not be pilloried for it.

So the learning…. being a feminist doesn’t stop one from feeling guilty…. in my normal life being a slut still is the pits, in my sex life it is the one thing that now releases the orgasms and makes me whole.

That brings me to the other discovery… something about the really dark side of me and what that reveals in other people. I have a very deep urge to put myself in situations that pose a considerable risk … to my health, safety and maybe even sanity. So far this has been on-line but the potential for psychological damage is real.
Deep inside I want to be raped as this act represents to me the ultimate form of control one person has over another.

Apart from the obvious links to masochism and self harming why should this be so risky, particularly when viewed alongside some of the BDSM practices?

I suppose the answer to that is twofold, some people find the reactions produced by deep humiliation to be very powerful and hearing someone sobbing either brings out the nurturing or the sadistic side of the instigator.
I use the term instigator deliberately as it is the dominant in this relationship that creates the conditions.

I’m not sure why men find sobbing arousing, but it must be a function of a sadistic streak in them.
I have been crying as a reaction to something that has been released, something very deep. My guess would be that it is connected with the realisation that there is an answer, a solution.
It is too soon to know what the answer is, but there’s one thing I’m very aware of now…….

trust

I need to be clear about the motives and drivers of the other person. The situations that lead up to the sobbing are so arousing that I’m in danger of becoming addicted…therein lies the risk.

2010-11-15T21:02:00.002Z

Now I’m seeking a new map, one that will help me navigate the confusing path to my inner slut where I become the object of the other person’s desire that takes me to amazing sexual heights.

Someone said today that the only dungeon I need is one created in my mind… I agree. I drift into arousal and in that state I seek images and ideas that will help me express my feelings….. it isn’t shackles or chains, I look at the elaborate arrangements where ropes deform breasts and penetrate labia and they frighten me.. they represent a form of punishment that has nothing to do with pleasure, a cruelty divorced from tenderness.

But then I think about what really frightens… and therein maybe lies the key….. to me torture is silence, punishment is disapproval.. so instead of seeing myself suspended by ropes, or encased in rubber… I see a woman with her head lowered almost to the level of the other person’s foot…. I’m entreating that person….I’m begging for their approval.

The desperate thing…. and yes, it is a feeling of desperation…… the desperate thing is I cannot tell them….. I have to wait…. Until they notice me, until they say what they want, until they tell me what to beg for….. to please them…..

The other thing someone pointed out is that for me being a whore is a state of mind…..so the challenge is not to imprison me but release the whore….

I sense the answer to both puzzles….. being able to communicate what switches on my submissiveness and unleashes the whore lies in the other person….I have to wait to be noticed… the silence is the torture that brings me to the point of desperation; I will beg for anything to avoid the punishment of being ignored.

The other images… brought to my mind by these words……

I am alone, I know I cannot move…. I’m unable to see if anyone is there, in a position of supplication….. no sound but my own breathing, no sensation but the fluttering of my pulse in my neck…. I might as well be wearing a rubber mask, chained to a ring in the wall, in a soundproofed room, but the chains are invisible, the prison created by my fear of rejection.

I am conflicted by the thought of punishment……on the one hand I need to be punished or tortured so I am aroused by the urge to beg, so is it associated with pleasure or pain?…if I’m ignored…. Is it cruelty or tenderness?

2010-10-16T18:10:00.001+01:00

Going back to the start of my blog has been something of a shock…….. I was so naïve last year, the things I considered so far out and deviant seem, well, rather vanilla now.

Even realising that has been a revelation…..what does it say about my sexual needs and even about my sexuality?

I have a very dark core… by dark I mean there is a streak running through my psyche that is masochism, pure and simple.

I have begun to apply that analysis to the fantasies that have always been with me, the tested and true…the comfortable glove that always works when I seek release.

The verdict?

All of my fantasies have a very dark thread that involves me being deeply humiliated by one or more people, put in embarrassing situations and often made to do things to people whose personal hygiene and habits would normally disgust me. The thing I have always known is that being put in these situations is deeply arousing, just the thought of it has the power to make me shudder uncontrollably.

The masochism is interesting…..Anita Philips in her book, A Defence of Masochism, notes: “masochism’s final, unexpected message is to forget yourself’.
The essence here is the subsuming of one’s will into that of another. The masochist does not act on her own behalf, does not occupy a space of responsibility but rather occupies such a space within another person.
As she moves closer to negating the experience of her own subjectivity, maybe in the throes of a controlled orgasm, the masochist comes ever closer to herself as an object.

This is not to say I become an object in the state of extreme sexual arousal, but rather that my reality turns virtual as I become a construct within another person’s sexual activity.

I’m me, but then I’m not me……the debased slut or whore that I become when begging to cum is not someone I recognise, it is almost as though I am a character in a video game.

How does this work? The switch happens if I become very aroused; when the other person describes what is being done to my alter-ego or issues instructions about what my other self should do.
In this state I am unable to explain what is happening to me, I am unable to behave rationally; I whisper, beg and act as if I’m the being the other person has created to satisfy their sexual desires. The person I am in real life no longer exists.

This is not about being tied up and tortured, what most people would consider to be masochism; it is the surrender of one’s will, the mental state that Philips refers to.

How far might it go? I really have no idea, I haven’t yet found a fantasy in this genre that doesn’t work, if it meets the conditions above.

Where am I now?

2010-09-02T23:51:00.006+01:00

I was struck by a quote I came across recently…… I have been thinking about the separation between love and lust, affection and sex mainly because I think I have discovered that submissives have difficulty is distinguishing between the two…..the need to belong and the need to be owned feels the same to me. A real problem arises out of the inability to differentiate between belonging – affection and the desire to share one’s life – and being owned – sexual satisfaction in return for giving pleasure according to someone else’s direction.
Written like this the difference seems obvious, but it is the result of 20:20 hindsight – my reflection on the mistakes I have made in relationships… or rather trying to work out why those relationships didn’t work……the key factor was neediness…. I wanted those men to control me and they saw it as me being clingy….

Of course I never realised that it was a sexual neediness……that arose out of a high sex drive and I suspect that if they had recognised it then those relationships might have turned out very differently.
I was asked recently how many men I had given blow jobs to; my answer was to all of them…… and then I was asked about whether those men had enjoyed the experience and my immediate answer was….. “what’s not to enjoy having a sexual experience that is completely focused on oneself being pleasured”…. This apparently is a typically submissive response…

But back to the quotation….

The erotic is a resource within each of us that lies in a deeply female and spiritual place, firmly rooted in the power of our unexpressed or unrecognised feeling.

Recognising the power of the erotic in our lives can give us the energy to pursue genuine change within our world.
Of course, women so empowered are dangerous.

So we are taught to separate the erotic from the most vital areas of our lives other than sex.
Audre Lorde

This might seem to contradict my previous comments…. But I don’t think it does. At first sight submissives would appear to be powerless, but actually I don’t think they are….

It is our choice to give pleasure to another person…. in return for our own satisfaction, that is true…. But as I understand it, a dominant’s sexual satisfaction depends on and arises out of the effective control of the submissive’s orgasm. This isn’t a licence to deprive or withhold pleasure, it is in fact, just the opposite….. if I don’t have the orgasm then it shows the dominant doesn’t control or drive my arousal.
So how does this suggest that women are empowered, by the power of the erotic? Easy…. We control the knowledge about what turns us on….

We can share that with people who want to know it…… but people who aren’t interested in the knowing won’t ‘hear’ and so won’t control us….they will be unable to cause orgasms.

So where does that leave me now?

I’m actively seeking experiences that will push my envelope; I’m so much clearer now about what will work with me, so I don’t respond to “Hey, Sheila, do you fuck…..suck on this….” messages or adverts asking for “Slaves, Fucktoys or Sluts”. If someone gets nasty or abusive and bullying or is just plain selfish then I pull the plug.

It means that the experiences tend to be tantalisingly few….. but I rationalise that ….. mediocre sex is worse than no sex..

2010-07-05T19:24:00.002+01:00

I am conscious that my sexual desires and my fantasies are reaching a deeper, darker level.
I want to be taken to places that normal people don’t go and there are hints that there are other individuals who will satisfy that need.

In this picture I’m very young, hardly formed, and yet I have been seduced and depraved.

This is my story…..

My mentor, as I shall call him, is a much older man that I respect and defer to automatically. How we met is irrelevant, suffice to say he has natural authority that gained my instant obedience.

I want to please him, to give him pleasure… he knows this and uses this desire to place me in situations where I will submit to humiliation in order to gain approval.

Through the journey my arousal has driven my degradation, I seek pain as it gives him pleasure… as an added fillip he makes me promise not to beg him to stop when the pain gets too intense…… I just tell him how much it hurts…..

He likes to see me cry… he rewards me with trinkets when I orgasm being humiliated by his friends……

I long to stop and yet I yearn to be taken to darker depths…… I don’t want to be a slut and yet I long to be his fucktoy.

2010-05-14T16:42:00.000+01:00

You want proof that I am a willing partner in your desires....that I desire to push the envelope..... to have visible symbols to show the world.

We start with the cuffs and the waiting, the blindfold and the darkened room....the leather sofa...no soft fabric here.....I am moving to a higher level.

I know there will be pain.....what I don't know is if it will be mental or physical...but it will never be more than I can stand, or want and will be what I ache and beg for....

I quiver gently, the shudders just below the surface. My nipples already hard, my clit pulsing... hoping the wait won't be too long, but knowing that the waiting can be as delicious as what happens after....

2010-05-13T11:07:00.001+01:00

I'm getting much closer to total humiliation... I long to be restrained to show that I have handed over 100% control to you.... so other people know that is what I have done and will look only to you for permission to use me.

The urge to beg, to plead, to please is becoming instinctive now...... it has the power to soak me whatever the scenario.

It seems each time I reach a plateau and think that is as far as I will go, another incident or happening pushes me even higher.......

2010-05-10T16:17:00.000+01:00

You have made an appointment for some pictures of me for your briefcase. We arrive at the studio and I'm reassured that it is a professional set-up.

You sit in a comfortable chair behind the cameras and lights; I can see you.

You have explained that you want shots with my shoulders bare, so at the photographer's suggestion I have left my bra in the changing room and come out with a piece of dark green velvet fabric swathed around my body.

The photographer fusses, fiddling with my hair. He manages to brush his fingers down my neck and across the top of my breasts

I sit on the chaise and wait for him to finish; I glance at you and smile in response to yours.

The picture taking starts and I strike several poses following instructions, standing and stretching, sitting and then lying on the chaise. Following orders the poses get increasingly wanton, my head back, my hips arched, my legs apart. I enjoy this, safely covered but aroused, understanding that you will know what I look like under the fabric - showing myself to you - a delicious pastime.

You nod to the photographer and he approaches me suggesting that I drop the fabric to my waist for some tasteful topless shots. He slides his fingers across the top of my breasts as he releases the fabric, this makes me shiver as I'm quite aroused now and my skin is very sensitive. He takes more shots, requesting me to hold my breasts and touch my nipples. I comply, putting my head back and closing my eyes, the sensation is wonderful, my nipples harden and my breasts swell.
He tells me to open my eyes and look into the camera and carry on stroking. This makes me shudder as it brings home that you are watching me perform for him.

I'm aware from the edge of my vision that you are nodding at some request from him. He approaches me again and now explains this is time for the more explicit poses. He tells me to stand up and he unwinds the fabric, leaving me standing in my closely fitting silk knickers. His eyes rake my body and he smiles as they reach my mound, there is a damp patch visible; he reaches across and gently caresses the area. I shudder and look at you, you smile and nod so I stand still. This is a test of my obedience. I want to move, but I want to please you more.

He takes more pictures, recording my arousal, revealed through increasingly abandoned positions. Then he stands back looking down on me lying on the chaise.

"Remove your knickers," he says and I do as he says, immediately.

He takes several shots from the camera on the tripod and then kneels by the chaise. He reaches out and caresses my inner thigh with a finger tip. He whispers, "Do you want to cum?" I nod, not trusting my voice. My thighs are soaked, my clit protrudes, I shudder at his voice.

"Do you want me to record your orgasm?" he asks. I nod again, so aroused now I want you to see me cum, I want him to take pictures of me cumming.

I writhe and shudder as he runs his fingers up my thighs to my slit. "Cum on my hand now," he whispers as he pinches and strokes my clit.

I arch and scream as I hurtle over the edge; jolting and squirting over his hands under your gaze. You smile at me as I cum for you.

Trussed and Trust

2010-05-07T11:36:00.003+01:00

The fat rope encircles my waist, you are holding me firmly in front of a group of people. My eyes are closed, I don't want to see them watching me, but I'm so aroused by the fact that they are.

You kneel over me, your hard cock close to my face... your knees either side of my breasts

"Open your eyes," you say...

As I do so you brush your cock across my lips, the pre-cum making it slide easily across my mouth. You slide the rope up my back and over my shoulder. You hold the rope and push your cock between my lips and down into my throat. By arching my neck and tipping my head I can take your cock in very deeply; you pull on the rope as you thrust it into my mouth.

As you thrust you talk to me, reminding me of the people watching, reminding me I can't reach to touch myself.

"Do you want someone to stroke you?" you ask, "do you need to be touched? You know what that means, don't you?"

I moan around your hot shaft, my eyes pleading with yours. You pull back your cock, "Say it then..... tell me what you want....."

I gasp, "Please, tell them to touch me, tell them to stroke me, tell them to finger fuck me.......tell them to do what they want......what you want........please......."

You smile as I writhe, sucking harder, arching up towards you as I get more and more excited, my legs spread wide, the wetness acting as a magnet for the touchers, lickers and fuckers........

2010-03-31T21:53:00.001+01:00

We stopped on the bottom level of the multi-storey carpark. You chose a bay just under a security camera, near the attendant’s office. It was shadowy but not completely dark.

I shivered, I knew what was coming, what I was expected to do.

Under my full length, pure wool, overcoat I only wore underwear and stilettos. White sheer silk French knickers with lacy frills, matching hold up stockings and a balconet bra that framed rather than hid my breasts.

You helped me out of the car and led me around to the front and pushed me back slightly so I was leaning against the still warm bonnet. You kissed me deeply and squeezed my throat gently; then as you walked away you nudged the wing and the car’s alarm went off.

The car vibrated and I shivered again; would anybody hear, would anybody see, would anybody come to investigate? Then I heard a shout and saw an approaching torch beam. Suddenly the beam caught me and I was held like a deer in the headlights. Knowing I was seen but not able to see galvanised my arousal. I undid the buttons of the coat and slid the shoulders down my arms a little way, so the dark fabric contrasted against my skin. The light reflected off my skin as I arched my back and ran my hands over my breasts, I wanted to show him how beautiful I was, how aroused. My nipples were rock hard as I ran my hands over them; my slit oozed juice as I pulled the fabric tight.

I heard a kind of growly sound, the noise you sometimes make in your throat when you want to fuck me. This set me off…I whispered, “Fuck me, please fuck me!” and let the coat slide to the floor as I leaned further back over the bonnet and spread my legs.

I closed my eyes and felt a hand on my shoulder and another between my legs, tearing off my knickers. I shuddered and moaned as I was flipped over and bent over the bonnet.

I felt pressure on my slit as he pushed his cock just inside my vagina. He paused and groaned as my muscles contracted against the hot head. I pictured you looking at me and imagined I was a butterfly being pinned to a board, his cock thrusting me against the bonnet. I knew this image would be hardening your cock as you softly stroked it while watching me.
This is turn aroused me still further, I arched my back and thrust myself backwards deeper onto his cock.
“I want to cum, make me cum,” I begged.
His response was to thrust harder and slide his hand around my hips under my slit. His movements pushed my clit against his hand and I hit top dead centre and squealed as my vaginal muscles jolted and contacted against his cock. A couple of thrusts more and I collapsed shuddering and twitching on the bonnet, juice squirting everywhere. I felt him withdraw and move away and then you were there. You gently turned me over and wrapped me in my coat. I could sense your arousal and I whimpered, I was ready to be taken again….. and you took me to heaven, in that carpark…there and then….

2010-03-30T20:00:00.003+01:00

Increasingly I find shafts of light in understanding my submissiveness. This image shows how I feel right now.

A solid silver bangle shows how I’m shackled by my sexuality to behaving submissively. It is a constant reminder, as if I needed one….. it bangs on the shower door when I reach for the soap, it feels warm to the touch if my other hand brushes my wrist when I pull down my sleeve.

I see men noticing it and then they seem to look at me speculatively; women just smile knowingly and I smile back. They will know, if they are as deeply submissive as I, that any dominant person regardless of their gender will have the trigger to control me.

And what I can be controlled to do seems to be getting more natural…. I don’t need to be made to do anything anymore… I seem to want to ……. It seems that I might be initiating things….. but I can’t be…. that’s not how submissiveness works.

So the impetus for me comes from a thought, a wish, a remark, a comment……

The latest idea….. I’m in a wine bar, sitting on a high stool, chatting to the person serving. I’m sipping a glass of cold white wine. A palm brushes my throat from behind and I’m drawn back into your body. I lean back against you, knowing you will balance me

You breathe in my ear as you cup my throat in your hand. You whisper, “Relax!” and I lean further into your chest, completely surrendering my support to you.
You run your other hand up my thigh and my legs drift apart as the sensation communicates itself to my core. The wrap around skirt I’m wearing parts and the two sides drop away to reveal my legs and knickers. There is a rustle of interest around us as people notice what I’m revealing and whisper to draw others’ attention.

You slip your fingers under the elastic of my knickers and run the tips along the exposed flesh of my tummy. My legs spread further, this is such a delicious feeling. You gently reach down and pull aside my knickers to reveal my sex. I see people looking and this makes me shudder and shudder and moan.
“Taste yourself,” you whisper. I slip two fingers fully into my slit and put them, dripping, into my mouth. There is a buzz of anticipation and that pushes me further towards the edge.

I murmur, “Please, please?” You grip my throat a little more firmly and that is the answer to my request. I groan and arch my hips up to meet my fingers. I rub my clit, slowly at first and then faster, spurred on by the gathering crowd of spectators, inching ever closer.

You hold me firmly as I shudder and jolt, making sure I stay on the stool. You kiss me softly behind the ear and this finally helps me cum. I whimper as my orgasm hits and the juice floods out onto the seat between my legs.

As the shudders lessen you swing my seat around and enfold me in your arms and gentle me to your chest. I shiver and burrow closer, safe and released at last.

2010-03-07T16:39:00.000Z

We are out for the evening and just before we go into the bar you stop. We pause in a doorway and you slip your hand around my throat. Your hand grips me firmly but my airflow is not impeded.

I breathe faster; you can feel this as I’m being held against you. You whisper a question in my ear, “How do you feel?”

Before I can answer I am overwhelmed with emotion, I shiver and tears roll down my cheeks.

I sob my answer, “Safe, I feel so safe….”

And then I shudder and groan.. I have been hit by the most amazing arousal and my knickers are instantly soaked. I arch back against you .

You whisper again, “Yes, feel it, go with it…….”

…………………..Being submissive is a mind blowing roller coaster ride

2010-02-28T19:47:00.000Z

I know that I should have been more attentive to your messages…… but today I was a bit distracted and now I know that I may have displeased you.

If I’m honest, I’m rather aroused by the thought that you might walk through the door at any moment and ask me to hand you the cane. Part of me desires contact… any contact… not that I want to be beaten, but even being struck is having attention paid to me.

But part of me wants to be hurt,

to jump at the shock of the welts, to experience the sting of broken skin;

to feel the softness of your tongue gathering the blood, the silken caress of the healing balm;

to be gentled after the punishment and to be taken to screaming orgasm….

2010-02-25T13:29:00.000Z

You have told me to sit in the chair by the window. I have my eyes closed. I hear the door open and close and I strain to work out how many people have entered the room.

Is it you or someone else?

No sounds except gentle breathing. I shudder as I feel breath above my breasts, the air as it cools stiffens my nipples.

I shift on the chair, my legs opening involuntarily as I feel finger nails running down my breasts. My nipples are pinched gently and then harder, that makes me moan slightly as I shudder again.

Is it you or someone else?

The touching continues, down across my tummy, brushing my mound and stroking my inner thighs. I arch up my hips to increase the sensation.

I feel my hair being lifted off my neck and a tongue gently caress the skin behind my ear. The tongue carries on down my neck and kisses me at the point where my neck meets the middle of my chest.

I inhale and can smell….. a very faint trace… is it eau de toilette, soap…. Not sure, in a way that makes it more arousing… Is it you, or are you just watching?

I moan, I need to be stroked now….my sex is soaking, literally… I whimper and plead…”Please, please, fuck me,” I beg.

My pleading is ignored…having to beg increases my arousal. I can feel the juice oozing between my labia and onto the chair.

I feel my leg being pinched hard….. I twitch… it means I shouldn’t be begging as that is impolite and sluttish.

The stroking continues, always shying away from my sex at the last minute. I’m so aroused and frustrated now that I shudder continuously.

An unfamiliar voice whispers, “You have to cum, don’t you?” I whimper in reply. Again a whisper, “Do you want me to make you cum?”

“Yes,” I whisper in response… shuddering, so humiliated that I have been begging a complete stranger.

Again the voice questions……. “Even though I might be filming you for my friends?”

“Yes,” I groan, “oh yes.”

I wish you would say something…… I have to know I please you….

Are you there or am I alone with the stranger?

2010-02-21T19:17:00.001Z

I’m waiting, I’m not allowed to look to see if you are coming as that is against the rules.

I never know when you will arrive, I wait here as it is less painful than trying to distract myself.

I’m aroused, I aways am if I think you are coming. My nipples ache, I press my legs together to divert my mind from focusing on how wet I’m getting.

When you arrive I will leave the window to stand in front of you. You sit and watch me. You ask me to touch myself and I gently scratch my nipples and this makes me moan. I run my fingernails down my tummy and slip a finger into my slit.

I’m not allowed to touch my clit until you give permission, you nod and I sigh. I gently rub my clit, you look at me closely to see how wet I’m getting. Your close attention makes me shudder. You tell me to rub my clit and stroke my breasts…… it feels so good and I can’t help groaning.

As you watch I get really aroused, I’m so close, I want to cum. I whimper…..

You beckon and I approach and I know you want me to sit on your lap. You put your arm around me and kiss my neck softly, I writhe on your thighs. You twist my nipples just a little harder than usual and that makes me shudder. You slip a couple of fingers up my vagina, with no preamble, and I immediately convulse on them.

You whisper in my ear, “Cum now, writhe on my fingers, let me feel you.” That is the trigger that sends me over the edge……

Still placing myself in danger

2009-11-17T19:38:00.000Z

I really feel sometimes that I have found the answers and other times that they are just out of reach and that even if I stretch I will never get them.

Case in point… when I last wrote I was feeling optimistic that I was beginning to understand what being submissive meant in my terms…. for someone with my personality traits.

But the events of the week following that last post show how tenuous that understanding was….how I hadn’t learnt to recognise the danger signals.

My arousal fluctuates in cycles, presumably it is driven by my hormones.. but there doesn’t seem to be an identifiable pattern linked to anything. This is also no help… if I could predict when I was likely to be at my most aroused then I would stop communicating until the peak had passed.

But I don’t and that is where all this kicks off….. and I still shudder, in a bad way, when I revisit what I have done….

None of this was planned, anticipated or welcomed……… I can’t even identify what it was that made me so aroused but there I was, hanging by my fingernails, longing for someone to hear me orgasm……… and, because I equate pleasing people with being accepted, I allowed someone access to my private world.

Unfortunately, it was as exciting as I thought it would be….. it wasn’t telephone sex…. it was me performing to an audience…. hopefully of only one person….. but I’m not even sure of that.

I felt horrendous afterwards, although the sky didn’t fall……but a bit of me longs to do that again.

Hopefully that’s another lesson learned…. but I do wish they weren’t so bloody painful and achieved at such a high personal cost.

Sometimes I wonder whether it would be easier to give it all up….. trouble is my libido refuses to stay down!

Ho hum……

A revealing journey

2009-10-17T15:01:00.000+01:00

Writing as myself here is something I haven’t done for a while and I’m feeling really self conscious.

I have moved on a long way in my journey towards discovering who I am sexually and that is thanks to the generous efforts of people I have met through Literotica.
What started as a tentative exploration of bi-sexuality has become a full blown, no holds barred experience of submission.

My mentors on the journey….
Initially I believed that I should be trying to find a woman who would guide me through all the questions whose answers would reveal if I were bi-sexual, which would then signal what I might do next… open a series of doors.

The stages of that initial journey I recorded faithfully at the beginning of this blog… it was here that I met M, whose help and support opened my eyes to the whole dominant/submissive world… single-handedly she has been the inspiration that has guided me every since… her warnings have saved me from certain harm. It was not until I realised the extent of the issues I faced that I understood just how timely her advice was…. more of that later…

Writing the stories here was my way of exploring my sexual fantasies….. I met some men on Literotica who shaped that journey… some positively, others negatively. The women I’ve met have all made generous and real contributions.
What happened and where it took me is clear now, with 20:20 hindsight. I’m open to criticism that I was naïve… this is certainly true; I was, but in my defence I would argue that the naivety was a direct result of my sexual condition.
I pursued options that were very risky, avoiding some traps before I fell prey to them…… telephone sex for example; running headlong into others, attracted by the promise of trust and respect and, at long last, answers.
Some guys whose fantasies I explored for myself and turned into stories, proved themselves to be as warm, caring and generous as the women…. I note Laurent and Bob in the category. Laurent in particular has been with me all the way….. checking up on me, making me laugh, wrapping me in his concern.

The biggest mistake I made was to ignore the warning signs from previous offline relationships….. being controlled by others’ actions…… in my offline life I have had relationships with controlling men… who haven’t wanted me to wear makeup, who didn’t want me to have particular friends, hobbies that didn’t involve them…… And I fell straight into that trap… in return for what I believed was the chance to write collaboratively…… all the usual crap I counsel my sisters to avoid….. you know the lines….. ‘my wife doesn’t love me’, ‘my life isn’t going the way I want it to’, ‘I love the way you……’

And this is the really stupid thing…… I stopped writing creatively, I ceased contributing to sexual roles plays, except those with him… because he was uncomfortable with me doing it……. how pathetic was that?
It wasn’t until he started making excuses about not answering emails and messages that I realised what a fool I had been.

But it has been an important learning point on my journey… because I was suddenly aware of the possible link between my personality, the mistakes I had made and my sexual being.

I can’t say that, armed with this understanding, I planned the next stage of the exploration… because it didn’t happen that way.. true to form I stumbled into the next revelation… but this at least looks as though it might have a happier outcome.

I started to write about themes that I explored very early on… what one person called ‘my dark side’; humiliation, control and arousal. Interestingly there are many men on Literotica who find this attractive, I have been contacted by several.

Broadly these seem to fall into two camps, the demanding and rather crude approach that seems completely out of touch with the real world….. wanting slaves who will do literally anything sexual with and for these guys…..a completely one side game… their side; and these guys get aggressive and/or abusive if any of their wants are challenged. Not surprisingly I haven’t maintained contact with any of them.

The other camp has far fewer inhabitants… men who understand that their partners have needs and rights. It is through these interactions that I have learnt that I’m deeply submissive.. my offline friends will not recognise this at all… I’m successful and assertive, I fight for equality; but that’s because I have successfully hidden my submissiveness in a work world.

It only comes to light when I look at some of the unsuccessful relationships I’ve had and the alarming inability to say ‘No’… which made virtually every conference, night out, party, a regretted and usually unfulfilled sexual experience.

Now I have discovered that being controlled in a situation where I can trust the other person is deeply sexually arousing and fulfilling and it works with both men and women. To date it is all head stuff, virtual interactions… I have a lot more work to do on my offline sexual encounters to make them as exciting. But I understand how to start to go about it….. at last.

I’m not sure what we will do with what we are writing….. not got there yet…..

Sophie and Laurent and my new office

2009-09-12T19:32:00.003+01:00

You will probably have gathered by now that Laurent is a typical Frenchman, both randy and romantic, et il est très persistant…..
I told him I was having my office redecorated and he came up with this scenario. Parce qu'il fait me rire, il amuse très et spiritual, j'ai consenti.

Like the others in this series it starts with what Laurent is saying:

Laurent
So, here we are after our first couple of meetings sat in your lounge sipping coffee and talking about what happened.
Sat on your couch facing each other, your legs crossed over revealing some of your thigh as you are wearing a smart business suit, a couple of your blouse buttons undone, giving me the occasional glance at your cleavage that I like so much, as you have impeccable taste in lingerie.
You tell me that you are expecting a conference call in a short while and that you will have to sit behind your desk in your newly decorated office and ask me to be quiet as the call goes on.

After sometime you move to your office and I wait patiently in your lounge for your return but after 30 minutes waiting I decide to investigate what has happened to you, quietly I enter your office and see you sat in your luxurious leather chair with your feet on your desk, legs wide open, skirt and knickers on the floor, blouse open and breasts pulled out of the balcony bra you are wearing, I can smell your arousal too, you are not aware that I have entered your office and closed the door quietly behind me, gorging myself with the spectacle you give me, I can't see your face as the door is back to your chair, but hear you moaning and talking to someone, and then I hear it, you say her name, "Sophie", you tell her how much you loved meeting her and what she did to you as one hand is between your legs.........

I am right behind your chair and look down as your fingers stroke your swollen clit, your nipples hard and erect like bullets, looking so inviting, that's the moment you notice me and gasp out loud and I can hear Sophie asking you what’s going on.

Softly I let my hands cup your breasts and roll your hard nipples between my fingers making you gasp as it sends jolts of pleasure down to your pussy, your moan makes Sophie curious at what is happening and you tell her, I swing your chair around and look into your lust filled eyes as my mouth approaches your nipples and suck them in turns making you gasp out louder then before.

You go on to tell Sophie what I am doing and I can only imagine that she is masturbating herself hearing this. One of my hands joins yours and let a finger stroke your hard engorged clit, feeling your wetness oozing out of you on the chair, your moans become more frequent as you tell her what am I doing to you as she tells you what she is doing to herself and this excites you even more........

I proceed to kneel between your legs and pull you forward in your chair so that just your ass rests on the chair and drape your legs over my shoulders as I can smell the hot intoxicating fragrance of your inflamed pussy.

I start by licking your inner thighs, from one leg to another, gradually going higher until I reach your clit and it between my lips flicking it with my tongue rapidly thus making you let out a loud moan and grinding your hips against my face, lapping up your sweet nectar as you and Sophie tell each other what’s happening making; you even more horny then you already were........

As I continue to torture your sensitive clit I can see you pinching, rolling and twisting your hard nipples to add to your pleasure.
I then proceed to let a couple of fingers enter you and they slide into your burning pussy with ease as you are so slick with juices and begin fingering you slowly and curving them to hit your g-spot, having your clit and g-spot pleasured at the same makes you crazy with pleasure and lust........................

Collette

I really did have a conference call and as I know how Laurent likes to tease I thought it might be safer if he wasn’t in my office while I was pitching to a new client.
The call was over much quicker than I’d anticipated and as I was closing the soft client I noticed that I had a Yahoo message. I’m still a bit submissive and so I find messages difficult to ignore. This was no different. It was Sophie. We had swapped details at the club.
I felt compelled to answer and when she pinged me with an audio – an incoming call - I just had to answer.

Her voice was just as sexy as I had remembered, she said, “Ca va, Collette?” just like Laurent, the accent did it for me. I was lost… I just whispered back, “Bien!” and felt as though I was panting. In that moment I forgot Laurent waiting patiently in the next room, I was back in the club with Sophie whispering sexy things in my ear – it felt like being Jane Birkin all over again.

Sophie asked what I was wearing and laughed when I said I was dressed for business. She said, “I have some business with you, so you will take off your knickers.”

She had the power to completely dominate me, with a few words, so before I had even thought about what I was doing I had kicked off my shoes and removed my knickers.
“And,” demanded Sophie. “I have taken them off,” I whispered.
“Good, now your skirt, I want to hear your skin,” she said.

At that I had a massive jolt in my vagina…. hear my skin, what did she mean? I was soon to find out.

She said, “Lie back in your chair and wet your fingers,” and I did what she said, “Yes, I have, “ I replied.

“Excellent,” she said, “now rub your fingers over the top of your breasts and pop out your nipples. Stroke them gently and wet them with your saliva.
“Now, tell me how you feel, “ she ordered.

“I’m feeling really horny, “ I replied, “my breasts are really soft, my nipples are getting harder and bigger, the colours all around me seem brighter.”

“Merveilleux,” she replies, “maintenant, je veux que vous ayez caressé votre minou.” I knew exactly what she meant, Laurent and I had joked about the word ‘minou’ – I had only heard it in relation to animals –that being how the French call their cats! So I knew she was saying - stroke your pussy.
Looking back it was amusing how polite she was even when talking dirty to me!

I was helpless to resist, I did as she asked. “It is wonderful, my clit is hard and I’m really wet, oh, it feels so good,” I moaned to her.

She then told me to rub faster, “So I can hear your skin.” That’s what she meant …. And she would have been able to hear as my fingers made a squelching sound as they rubbed either side of my clit.

Sophie then suggested that I cast my mind back to the night at the club and tell her what we did that gave me that mind-blowing orgasm. Easy peasy, that was engraved on my brain…. I had revisited it many times on my own, with my fingers. The picture in my head…Sophie rhythmically pressing her thigh onto my slit and her pussy onto my leg, how aroused I was, how swollen my vagina.

“I can feel how wet you are, it is delicious,” I said, not realising in my excitement that I was describing it as if it were now – my hand pressing rhythmically against my clit as if it were her thigh.

Suddenly, there was Laurent, I got a glimpse of him reflected in the glass of the desk, I had forgotten that the speakerphone was on and that he would have heard everything Sophie and I were saying.
This gave me a massive jolt in my vagina – from the thought he’d been watching and listening - that made me gasp. Sophie demanded to know what was happening.
“His hands are squeezing my breasts, he is pulling my nipples, rolling them in his fingers, aaargh, “ I told her as I gasped again.
“And now,” she asked.
“He’s sucking and nibbling my nipples.” I heard her groan, “Ah oui, ma cherie,” she said, “je me caresse aussi.”

“Me dire plus,” Sophie ordered and I rushed to tell her that, “Laurent is now rubbing my clit alongside my own fingers and it feels like heaven. Now he is licking my inner thighs.”

Sophie told me to imagine that it is her who was doing this to me – so bit by bit I told her that Laurent had reached my clit and was licking and sucking it, swirling his tongue around it. I told her, how lovely it was to feel her dipping her tongue in my vagina, adding two and then three fingers to find my G spot. How I was thrusting down onto her fingers, how close I was getting.

“Ne pas venir pourtant,” she said to me, I had no clue that she meant, so I asked Laurent….. “Don’t cum yet, she’ s saying, “ he replied.

I groaned, I was very close. Laurent’s face and hands were all wet with my juice, I was shuddering and shivering.
He wouldn’t stop, in fact he made it much worse – so I was nearly over the edge, I pulled at my nipples, I arched my back and tensed my thigh muscles. I could hear the noises Sophie was making.

Then I heard her say, “Maintenant viens.” I screamed and squirted all over Laurent.

Bless him – he was so sweet, he licked his fingers so he wouldn’t get juice on my new desk and then kissed me gently. I reciprocated and licked my juice off his face. He groaned and I could see he’d got rather excited by all this, so I took pity on him….

Orchid - A Different Kind of Exploration

2009-09-05T18:02:00.005+01:00

This represents a different direction for me, an attempt to explore my dark side, as one person I have met through Literotica, called it.
My online journey has taken several different turnings so far - one or two provide me with much needed humour and teasing, another is a source of great joy, some have been painful and I have been fortunate to be able to change direction away from them.

My greatest threat or risk is my tendency to be submissive - it might even be a craving. I find saying 'No' really difficult.
Sometimes, I think I must need to be hurt – so I can be coerced – otherwise why do I find the following fantasy so arousing?

The orchid also seems to have significance – to me it represents a very sophisticated bloom, very difficult to cultivate, but if it is kept away from direct sunlight it opens its virginal petals to reveal a very erotic core.

My new direction….. An Exploited Submissive
Rory and his partner had taken pity on me…. I’d met him at the Yoga class – he was a very good listener and made me laugh to help me relax. I found it very easy to tell him about my problems, we chatted regularly during the coffee break. He seemed to be a good friend of the tutor, they exchanged comments at the start and end of each class – so I made the leap and thought I could trust him.
My confidences became more revealing, it was cathartic, confessing my problems with previous boyfriends. The latest of them had ripped me off, doing a moonlight flit with my deposit for the apartment we shared, so I was just about to be evicted.
He was attractive in that older man, slightly battered but very experienced, way – laughter crinkles at the corners of his eyes. He had a way of looking deep into your eyes, pausing when he spoke, so you felt as though you were the only woman in the world; though I was sure he thought I was young enough to be his daughter – if he had one. He felt like a safe pair of hands – and he had a partner. I wished he had been my father, or perhaps uncle – given the little frisson of excitement I felt when I saw he was at class.

So over the weeks I sought him out at coffee breaks, until one night he suggested that I came and met his partner, for a drink after class. By this time I had told him all about my sexual experiences and my craving for some stability in my life – I was fed up with immature, shallow, selfish boys and wanted a strong man to rely on.

We met Rory’s partner at a local wine bar, she was about the same age as him – difficult to tell though as she looked after herself, obviously worked out and moisturised. Jane shook my hand as I sat down, she had a firm grip and like Rory looked directly into my eyes.

We chatted over a bottle of wine, Jane asking me lots of questions. It was so easy to talk to her as well – she had asked Rory to get another bottle, saying, “Let us women get to know each other, take your time…” I gave her a potted history of my relatively short list of boyfriends – talking, with her encouragement, about how my desire to belong had enabled them to manipulate me into humiliating sexual activities. She looked into my eyes and squeezed my hand, saying, “I can sympathise, approval seeking makes us all do things we regret.” Before I could say any more Rory had returned with another bottle.
He mentioned that he had told Jane about my forthcoming eviction and that they had a plan they wanted to put to me. I was all ears. Both of them looked at me and Rory explained what they had in mind.
He said, “You won’t have anywhere to live and so we’d like you to come and stay with us, until you find your feet. This isn’t charity, once you find a better job you can contribute to the household expenses; in the meantime we’d just be happy of you looked after our cats when we go out for the evening or away that the weekend. You aren’t allergic to cats are you? How does that sound?”

That sounded too good to be true, I leapt at it. “Oh yes, that would be great. I love cats.”
Rory said, “We need some ground rules, so we all understand what to expect from each other – we don’t want other people, that we don’t know, in our home so we’d expect you to not to invite any friends back, we will respect your privacy and vice versa – is that OK?”
I nodded, that was fine with me – I didn’t want the latest lowlife muscling in on my new-found luck and loved the idea of some privacy.

We agreed that I would move in at the weekend, have a day to get the cats used to me and then Rory and Jane would leave me to settle in on my own and go to their house in the country for Saturday and Sunday.

I duly moved in, with my meagre possessions, on Friday. Rory and Jane were there to help me get my room the way I wanted it – it was pretty much perfect. We had coffee in the living room and I met the two cats – beautiful Siamese with deep blue eyes and plaintive voices, one of them immediately settled on my lap prompting a comment from Jane, “She obviously recognises a kindred spirit, that’s an honour.” I didn’t see the significance of that remark, that the cats had strictly limited freedom, until much later and to be honest it might not have made any difference if I had.
The rest of the day passed in a blur, being shown where everything was, how the appliances worked, the cats’ domestic routine, shopping for their food and mine, getting my own front door key cut, eating the delicious meal that Rory cooked, getting mildly drunk on their lovely wine, a deep bath in my own bathroom and finally snuggling down in the huge bed. I had died and gone to heaven.

As I lay in bed, waiting for sleep to come, I ran through the rules we had agreed, everything seemed sensible – I had only one thing that made me curious – the emphasis that both of them put on their privacy – I was not, under any circumstances, to enter their bedroom, they mentioned this several times – they even said that the cats weren’t allowed in there.
This thought swirled around my mind as I slept.

On the Saturday morning I helped them pack their car, was given a hug by both of them and waved as the car left. I planned to laze about and read until they got back. I got myself a drink and settled down on one of the large sofas, with both cats draped over me, to read a long novel. Every so often I got up, to let the cats out into the small walled garden, to prepare their food or my own.
By early evening I was reaching the end of the novel and beginning to get a little bored, the cats must have sensed this and started getting rather skittish, running from one end of the apartment to the other, sliding on the woodblock floor and calling to each other.

I went and had a shower and dressed in the fluffy white towelling bathrobe I decided to check on the cat before putting on a DVD. The male was curled up on the sofa in the dent left by my body, the female was nowhere to be seen. I called as I walked down the hall and to my horror noticed that my hosts’ bedroom door was open.
I put my head around the door to see the other cat disappearing underneath the bed. I debated whether to leave it, but decided it would be better to get it out and then close the door firmly.

I walked across the room to the super king sized bed, as I reached it my foot knocked a remote controller on the floor. The noise from the TV made me jump, I turned to see a video of a naked woman showing on the 50 inch plasma screen on the opposite wall. Her body filled the screen. I could see she was aroused, the light glinted on the juice on her fingers stimulating her clit.
I watched, fascinated, as she rubbed her juice on to her hardened nipples. The camera panned back to enable to me to see how she stroked between her breasts and her slit, spreading her juice as she went. As she pinched and rolled her clit she arched her back and moaned, her legs were spread wide and I could clearly see her vagina opening and closing, slowly pushing out juice as it did so.

Her moans became louder, it was this as much as the images that kept me transfixed. I have an active libido and it had been a sexless month or so since the last boyfriend had left, the noises were beginning to get to me. Believe me I’m straight but was getting severely turned on. The arousal I was experiencing made me little light headed and so I sat down on the bed, my hand jammed between my thighs. As I did so I saw the woman turn onto her knees and present her rear to the camera. As the lens zoomed in I could see her fingers working her clit and sliding into her vagina, the microphone picked up the noises, slurping and squelching as she finger fucked herself. Again the camera panned up her body and as I watched the woman turned her head. My reaction was immediate, I had a massive vaginal contraction, it was Jane. She looked into the camera and it seemed into my eyes. Suddenly I was wet. I could se she was close to orgasming, she moved her fingers faster and I could hear her panting. Her labia were bright red and glistening with juice. She shrieked, “I’m cumming,” and I saw juice squirting from her vagina, onto the bed. At that point the screen went dark.

For a second I did nothing, frozen by the implications of what I had witnessed; then my body took over. I lay back on the quilt and started to rub my already sopping clit. I replayed the video and mimicked what Jane had done. At some point I shed the robe and put it under me. I just reached the point of kneeling and was sliding my fingers up my swollen vagina when I became aware of a noise. I looked over my shoulder to see Jane and Rory standing in the doorway. I shot off the bed and stood in front of them, my hands over my mound in a futile attempt to cover my arousal.

“You little slut,” hissed Jane, “how dare you defile my bed.” She turned to Rory, who shrugged his shoulders and commented, “We told you the rules, there is no alternative, you’ll have to leave.”
I babbled, “The cat came in and I knew it wasn’t allowed…… I trod on the remote control…..”. I pleaded, “Please let me stay, I’ll do anything to make up for what I’ve done, please don’t throw me out.” I reached out to Jane and she looked deep into my eyes, I felt a huge shudder move from my vagina to radiate out through my body. She saw it and smiled, “What a horny slut you are, maybe we could find a use for you. But first you have to be punished.” With this she looked at Rory, who nodded.

She leant over and twisted one of my nipples, hard. I yelped and shivered. She pulled me by my nipple over to a large cupboard that she opened. She pushed me down on the bench that ran its width and jammed each wrist through a strap located by my hips. This pulled me back onto the bench and had the effect of raising my hips so my vagina would be clearly visible when my ankles were tethered to the bench legs.

She selected a narrow switch from the rack mounted on the inside of the cupboard door. She started to hit me on my thighs, arms and breasts – not so hard as to break the skin or cause bruises, but enough to sting and redden the skin. This was both agony and ecstasy, I moaned, shivered and shuddered. My vagina convulsed and juice seeped out onto the bench, I was longing for release. I pleaded, “Please, please…”
Jane grasped my chin, “Look at me,” she ordered. As I did so she stood aside and I saw to my horror that Rory had a camera trained on me. “We want to make sure you remember your punishment,” she said.
She continued, “That was just the first part – physical pain, now you are going to experience a different kind of pain – denial.”

Rory set the camera up on a tripod, to one side of the room. Jane returned to my field of vision and started to take her clothes off. “You saw the video, now lets see how long you can last watching the real thing.”
She stood in front of me, within touching distance. I could smell her perfume. She sucked her fingers and wet her nipples, I felt mine harden further in sympathy. She gently scratched her finger nails across her breasts and down to her mound. I arched my back involuntarily, my breasts ached.

She inserted one finger into her slit and the spread her legs so I could see her clit. She then scratched her clit very softly with a finger nail and I could see the juice wicking up her finger. This made me shudder and arch again, I strained against the tethers. I so longed for it to be me. She coated her finger with her juice and brought it to her lips, running it along her upper lip and then into her mouth. She put one leg up on the bench next me and inserted three fingers into her vagina and as I watched, she thrust them in and out. I was overtaken by uncontrollable shudders. I could smell her arousal and hear the result. A whimper started in my throat, accentuated by the shivers. Jane smiled when she heard this.

“Oh yes, my little freckled slut, suffer…” she said as she laughed.
She inserted all four fingers into her vagina and thrust faster, I could see an orgasmic flush spreading across her breasts and up her neck, and she licked her lips and panted louder. “I’m going to cum soon,” she said, as she arched her back and thrust her mound even closer to my face. I could see the place the skin changed in texture and colour as it went inside her vagina, I could see the head of her clit as it convulsed in and out of its sheath, I could see juice oozing out of the little glands that lined the tender skin between her clit and vagina. I saw the start of her orgasm, when a standing wave began at her clit and moved down to her anal rose and then I was showered with her juice as the contractions made her squirt. I licked my lips and the sweet taste of her pushed me over the edge.

I started to beg, I was shivering and shuddering, “Please, please, I need…”
She opened her eyes and asked, “What, what is it you want?”
“I need to cum,” I replied.
“Not yet, “ she said, “you have to suffer a bit more pain.”

She turned to look at Rory and smiled at him. He was sporting a huge erection that was making a circus marquee of his pants.
“Come here, my darling,” she said, as she knelt down between my legs. He pulled off his pants and boxers, freeing his twitching cock. In two strides he was in front of her and rubbing his cock across her lips. I could see the pre-cum smearing across her soft skin. She opened her lips and took him deep into her mouth.
He groaned and thrust as he looked deep into my eyes. Like before I felt my body respond as though he was thrusting deep inside me. I couldn’t help it, I rocked my body in time to his thrusts.

He was so close I could smell the musky aroma of his scrotum. She reached between his legs and I could see her hand moving as she must be gently scratching around his anal ring. He responded by arching towards her and smiling at me. He held her head gently in his hands as he moved his cock in and out. I could see him getting harder and more aroused, the skin on his prick stretching and getting shiny. As his rhythm got faster I could a sheen of sweat forming on his chest and abdomen, it glistened on the hairs curled above his prick. I could here him breathing heavily.

“Are you ready for me, dearest?” he said to Jane, “I’m cumming,” he shouted as he bent backwards and pushed his cock forward. He bucked as he came and Jane took it all in her mouth. As he pulled back Jane leaned over me and let his semen dribble down my breasts. I could feel it burning a trail all the way to my mound.

I carried on whimpering and rocking, even I could hear my juice making squelching noises as it filled the gaps between my thighs and the bench.
I was panting and quivering, completely out of control now. I was briefly aware of Rory moving the camera and coming in close to record ever detail of my reactions. I was past caring about what happened to me now – I was one huge pulsing need.

Jane reached down and released my ankles. “Now its stage 3 of your punishment,” she paused, “you can have release but you aren’t allowed to touch yourself.” With that she undid my wrists and pulled me to my feet. “To make sure you don’t touch yourself I’m going to tie your wrists behind your back”. She took a large cable tie from the cupboard and pulled it quite tight around my wrists.
“Have a good look at yourself, “ she said as she pulled me in front of the wall mirror.
As I looked down my body I could see the sexual flush making my freckled skin even rosier, my engorged breasts and hugely erect nipples, the semen coating my breast and abdomen, my clit protruding from my labia and the juice that had spread down my inner thighs.
I was so aroused I didn’t know what to do with myself – seeing that arousal made it worse. I need to rub my clit but didn’t have the means to do it.

I looked pleadingly at Rory, he beckoned me over to where he was sitting and holding the camera. He moved his thigh into my line of vision and said, “I’m not going to touch you but I won’t stop you touching me.” He lifted the camera to record me approaching him. I knew getting his prick inside me was not allowed so I went for the next best thing and spread my thighs either side of one of his legs and started to rub my clit up and down his thigh. It was heaven and I soon reached a peak. I didn’t think I could shudder that hard but it seemed to go on for ever as my vagina contracted and expanded and I squirted all over his thigh and down his calf.
I slid down his leg to lie at his feet on the floor. He looked down at me, saying, “Good girl, we’ll clean you up and then we can discuss how you are going to make up for the bad thing you have done.”
I nod at him and smile weakly. Maybe they will let me stay after all.

Under the spotlight…my bisexuality

2009-08-30T16:51:00.002+01:00

Every since I met ~M online I have thought about her and what it would be like to have a physical experience with her. So on a regular basis I revisit this in my sexual fantasies – I still can’t understand why, but the things I imagine are so real and exciting that the orgasms I have are spectacular; so maybe that’s why I keep going.

So this is my second fantasy that involves her……………..

~M has rung me, did I want to come over and have a coffee and a gossip? Yes, oh yes, like a shot.

We sit in her living room, it is a hot day outside, but the breeze from the ocean keeps the room cool.

~M relaxes on one of her sofas, I sit opposite her. We chat about inconsequential matters. We have frequent eye contact. For a while I feel comfortable but we get to discussing sexual fantasies, I get a fluttery feeling in my stomach.
She says, “I sense you are feeling a bit awkward talking about this, shall we stop?”
“No, but I’m not sure what to talk about,” I answer.
She asks, “Would you prefer it if I ask you some questions?”
I nod.
She starts by asking me how often I masturbate and where I start on my body. She is leaning back against the sofa cushions and she is gazing into my eyes.

I tell her how I start by stroking my breasts and nipples, using my finger tips and nails to stroke and very gently scratch them. Then how I go out wider, to run my nail tips over my tummy and back up to my breasts; then how I squeeze and push my breasts, working them quite firmly; how sometimes I will stroke the underside of my upper arms, up and under my breasts.

She asks how the skin feels – it is very soft, I tell her, especially on my breasts outside the areolas, how sensitive it is.
She asks if I only touch my nipples lightly – no not always I tell her, sometimes I scratch and pinch.
She asks if I twist and pull them a little, yes, I tell her it makes them more sensitive.
She then asks if I imagine eyes looking into mine, watching my reaction with each pinch...twist...pull. “Yes, I do…”

She says to me, “Tell me what you are feeling now.”
I tell her that I can feel my pupils widening, the light is getting brighter.

She says, “Someone is the puppeteer ...pinching here...you arch and moan; but just stopping and circling so softly again….. and you shiver and shudder.”

I can’t stop myself, I arch my back and her eyes widen. I say, “Of yes, from one to the other is delicious.”
She smiles at me and it’s hard not to smile back.
She asks if there's a perfect twist...at the border of pain and pleasure and before I can stop myself I have said, “Yes – it gives me a funny feeling up my vagina if it’s right.”
She is watching my face and she smiles again.

She then says, “I want to ask you some different questions now, on how you think doing other things might feel, are you alright with that?”

I nod, not sure what is going to happen.

She starts by saying… “Why don’t you close your eyes, lean back and relax…”

She says, “How would feel if there was a flick of the tongue on your nipple with eyes locked, with the puppeteer?”
I open my mouth to speak and my body has a series of little shudders – I blurt out, “I’m getting little shudders.”

She says, “But these shudders are good, aren’t they? What about teeth nipping gently?”

Suddenly I have a big, all over body shudder, one of those that makes me bend forward and groan, I can feel some wetness spreading through my knickers.
She smiles and leans forward a little and says, “What about licking a finger to wet your other nipple…. playing with both...teasing, sucking softly at one nipple....rolling the other between my fingers?”

“What do you feel?” she asks.

I whisper, “I’m getting vaginal contractions now...”

She says, “A gently writhing woman is so beautiful to me.”

I shudder again, I realise what she is doing and I don’t want her to stop.

She continues, “I keep teasing one nipple with my tongue...I pull and twist the other nipple just right... before letting it snap back and slowly sliding my hand down your tummy.”
I can’t hide my reactions now, I groan.

She says, “I stop my hand near your belly button, gently caressing your skin with my fingers.”

I have lost all inhibitions now, I’m rocking - this is so delicious.

She goes on, “I’m circling your nipple with my tongue...so slowly...watching your face...running my hand up and down your side.”

I have another big shudder and this makes me groan.

“Tell me how you feel now, Collette, “she says. I whisper, “I’m getting really wet now.”
She asks, “And you want, need?”

“You to rub my clit….” I groan back….

“I’m not going to touch you, but I want you to do as I tell you – will you do that?” she asks.

“Yes,” I whisper.

She says, “Do you have panties on?”
“Yes.”
She says, “ Feel them...on the outside, are they wet? Tap your clit through your panties for me...just tap it...no rubbing circles. Are you sensitive, needing more?
“Yes.”
“Ever taste yourself, Collette?”
“Yes.”
“Slide your fingers under your panties.…don't touch your clit.…get some of that wonderful nectar, suck it slowly off your fingers for me.…every drop; slide your hand back down...on top of your panties...

“Better listen, now slide it slowly...up and down your slit...even pressure...from clit to entrance...slowly….push your panties in there…..feel your pussy pulsing….your clit throbbing through the fabric…….my hand there……….just...not enough yet.

“Come back, Collette...come here, are you on the edge?” she asks.

I’m shaking, I’m nearly there.

I groan, “Nearly there, just want to stroke my clit to get there.”
She says, “Don't yet, good girl…..stay right there...feel that edge... you know you're going to scream when you fall over the edge...it's coming…..so close.

“Lift up your skirt, now pull your knickers aside, good,” she instructs.

She whispers, “Rub your clit, let my hand be there. Mmmm....so wet...you can hear your pussy….. I want inside…..I want your pussy….want to send my fingers inside of you…..rub your clit with my thumb while my fingers slide in and out….pounding into you...deeper and deeper…… whispering in your ear….. that's my girl... you want it...your pussy wants it, I can feel it...squeeze my fingers….let go...let me have you….
“Cum for me, my sweet little slut…..you love it...you love all of it…….that's it...don't stop...faster and harder……..explode...let go... you want to... you love this.”

I’m gone, the shudders meet the shivers and I scream, “I’m cumming,” as the juice gushes out all over my hand and my skirt.

I open my eyes slowly – not sure of ~M’s reaction. She is sitting there, a big smile on her face, her legs pressed closely together.

I have so many questions, but I’m learning gradually not to blurt them out…… although being submissive is so delicious.

Laurent’s Treat

2009-08-17T12:23:00.001+01:00

Laurent liked the first story so much that he suggested that I write another. He knows that I fantasise about women and so this is his idea about how to please me.
Like last time – this is what he told me, followed by my version of what actually happened.

Laurent:

”Following our last encounter, I decided that we should take it further and knowing your taste for ladies, I chose to take you to a lavish private club on Berkeley Square where I had been on a few occasions by myself.
To ease you into it, I booked a table at The Ritz on Thursday evening, when it is a dinner dance when people arrive dressed in their best.
I had chosen for you a long dark red cocktail dress with a slit on both sides revealing your long legs, open back and V plunging front, exposing half of your breasts, …..any sudden movement could reveal your nipples.
As per my instructions you joined me in the bar looking sultry and extremely sexy, me being the only one knowing that under that dress you were not wearing any panties, but stockings with a porte-jarretelle, and a balconet bra barely able to support and hold in your breasts. Men glanced at you as you entered and couldn't believe you were joining me where a Champagne cocktail was waiting for you.
I loved how they were looking and trying to see more of your shapely legs as you crossed them one and then the other, hearing the fine silk covering your legs brushing against each other.
As we walked towards the restaurant where the Maitre D' showed us to our table you could feel eyes looking at your swaying ass, tightly clad into your dress, I loved the way it made me feel and knowing it was exciting you too.
I ordered us a nice bottle of Puligny-Montrachet to start and for the main course a bottle of Gevrey-Chambertin.
You knew I was up to something but you didn't know what or where I would take you afterwards and this gave you goose bumps. Between courses we danced, I held you tight against me and you could feel my arousal pressing into you, whispering in French, knowing this arouses you,
"tu aimes comme ma queue presse contre toi et t'exites, commences-tu a mouiller alors que nous dansons, tes tetons durs comme de la pierre, ton clito pret a etre sucer et lecher"
I cup your cheeks into my hands and pull you even tighter against me if that’s possible and reveal where I am going to take you later, as I reveal where I am taking you, you lips let a soft moan escape them.
As dinner finishes I lead to Berkeley Square as it is only a short walk, nodding at the door man; he opens the door for us and I can feel you shiver against me as we enter a luxurious lobby and greeted by a stunning tall black lady, her name is Sophie I tell you and she will be looking after us but more precisely after you....
Sitting ourselves down in to a luxury booth a bottle of Dom Perignon arrives, you are smiling nervously but the previous alcohol intake as calmed your nerves. As the champagne is poured I let my hand slide up your uncovered thigh until I reach your pussy and feel the heat and moistness oozing from it. I dip a finger inside, as you bite your lips as not to moan out loud, and cover it with your nectar and teasing your hard clit, withdrawing it you look at me with imploring eyes as you are so excited. I bring my finger to Sophie's lips and let her taste you on me as she lets her tongue twirl around moaning in appreciation and then saying you taste wonderful.
Sophie's is tall dark black woman who is French, she has an incredible ass that only black woman can have, big soft breasts, size E, with extremely long nipples that I have enjoyed in the past, she is an extremely talented and dedicated lover, but tonight, it is all about you being pleasured by Sophie as I watch; getting pleasured by her, with the contrast of her dark skin and your pale skin.
The reason I picked her is that she is French and black, a combination that I thought you would love.........”

Collette:

Laurent probably hasn’t told you how adventurous he is when it comes to sex. Before we met he’d had erotic encounters in interesting and unusual places and sometimes with more than one partner. He’s been very open about this and it intrigued me, so I’ve probably given him the idea that I’m more experimental than I really am.
But Laurent is also a romantic so when he told me about a dinner dance at the Ritz I loved the idea. He likes to be controlling and I love it when he is, so it was fun to let him choose my clothes for the evening. The cocktail dress in plum red slubbed silk fabric would not have been my first choice, with my colouring some reds are risky as they can clash with my auburn hair, but this was just right and looked very striking with the imperfections in the silk catching the light as I moved. Typically, Laurent had gone over the top, the side slits and low back were not a problem; but he’d bought me a platform bra – this made my cleavage several inches higher than normal. Really I don’t need such a bra since with C cup breasts there’s enough flesh there for a respectable sized cleavage – but men will be men…… I love wearing silk stockings in the evening so a lacy suspender belt was just the thing. I wasn’t too keen on going commando, particularly with a skirt with long side slits, but I knew he would be there to look after me.
The dinner was lovely. Laurent knows I like very dry white and it was chilled to perfection – not so cold that you couldn’t taste it – it went beautifully with the scallops we had for starters and his choice for the main course was inspired. He knows that I love wine from the Côte de Nuits – the body of the wine brought out the flavour of the Chateaubriand but didn’t overpower it as a Shiraz might have done. Between courses we danced. Laurent dances like all Frenchmen I have met – like an octopus – clasped up really close and hands all over you. I could feel his erection pressing against me as he whispered naughty French phrases in my ear. As usual the combination of the words in his sexy accent did for me – as he said I began to get wet and my clit was ready to be sucked and licked. He wouldn’t tell me what he had planned for after dinner, I knew it would be exciting – his surprises always are.
The walk to Berkeley Square was lovely, for a change it was a warm evening so we could enjoy the empty streets.
I’m not sure what Laurent had planned but the building we entered could be a club or a luxurious apartment block and my mind was racing, I was apprehensive. He introduced me to a beautiful woman in the lobby – Sophia. That he’d met her before was obvious, but from the looks that passed between them I was sure that he’d been intimate with her at least once before. Sophia joined us in the private booths that lined the large area in the centre of the club. Each booth had chaise longues and low tables and could be screened from the main area by semi transparent curtains. Laurent ordered champagne and waived the waiter away so Sophie could serve it. As she did so he slid a hand up my thigh and into my wet slit. I had to muffle a moan in my napkin. After giving me a little, delicious stroke he pulled his hand away and offered a finger to Sophie. As she sucked his finger I got a huge jolt of electricity through my vagina, his words as he’d introduced Sophie suddenly took on a new meaning. He’d said, “Sophie is here to look after your pleasure.” At that point I think I realised just what that might mean, Sophie said, “You taste wonderful.”
Sophie was stunning, the light reflected off her skin revealed just how soft it was. She was wearing a silky, clingy dress emphasised her beautiful curves, the deep purple enhanced the colour of her skin and made her look regal, she had the same accent as Laurent, but her voice was sexier as it had a certain huskiness to it.
She sat down next to me and handed me a glass. I was nervous about what might happen next, the wine I had drunk earlier had calmed me down a bit, but I was glad of something to hold. We chatted and Sophie sensed that I was curious about her. She told me that they had been friends for a long time, since childhood, when she winked at me I got the feeling that maybe she had been Laurent’s first lover

After I had taken a couple of sips Sophie took my glass and put it on the table. “Now it is time for you,” she said. I felt another jolt of electricity in my core. Laurent and I had discussed my bi-curiosity at length and I had told him of my torrid but limited previous experiences. That he’d remembered those and planned this for me was wonderful, made even more delicious by the fact that he would be watching and maybe joining in.

Sophie ran a finger up my arm and lifted my hair off my neck and she planted little kisses behind one ear. This made me shudder; it was so unexpected and arousing. With the same finger, and marked by little kisses, she traced a path down my neck and across the flesh of my breasts to just above my nipples. This made me shudder and moan. I was aware of a cooling breeze on my slit – the dress had slipped sideways to reveal my secret places and Laurent was blowing gently on them. For some reason that was incredibly arousing.
Sophie released my nipples and sucked them gently, rolling each between her tongue and lips. This made me moan and there was no way I could hide it.
She reached behind me and undid the long zip of my dress. As the fabric fell away she kissed the newly exposed areas – below my breasts, across my tummy and the top of my legs. She gently but firmly pulled me to my feet so I could step out of my dress. She knelt down to pick up the fabric and what she did next took me completely but surprise – she kissed the insides of my legs from my ankles to my thighs, through the silk onto the naked skin. Laurent had to hold me up by the time she’d got past my knees as I was shuddering so much. It was the most delicious bliss. I arched and trembled as she reached my slit. My legs were apart and I could see my silhouette in the mirror behind the chaise, it revealed light reflecting off the juice that was making its way through my labia onto my thighs. I watched Sophie's tongue reach my juice and start to lap it up. This triggered another massive shudder and I felt and saw more juice ooze out. Laurent added to the arousal, he stroked my breasts as he supported me, I could feel his erection straining at his trousers as I pressed back against his body.

He lowered me to the chaise and swung my body round so I was laying full length on it. He handed me my glass of champagne and said, “Have a sip, ma petite cherie.” He unzipped Sophie’s dress and kissed the back of her neck. She turned and tapped him on the hand, I thought I heard her use the word “mechant”, he grinned – I think she’d called him naughty boy.
Sophie was exquisite – Rubenesque probably would describe her best. She knelt next to the chaise and gently stroked one of my breasts. Then she kissed me all the way to my slit, I arched up against her face, it was so lovely a feeling. She insinuated her tongue into my slit and found my clit and started to roll and suck it. I was so wet it the juice began to spread over her face. She looked up at me and licked her lips and then began to kiss me and spread my juice up my tummy to my breasts and then up to my face. She ran her tongue across my upper lip and then kissed me deeply.

I was so aroused I couldn’t help arching up against her. She slipped one leg between mine so her thigh was pressing up against my clit, I felt a hot wet sensation on my left thigh – it was her pussy pressing against me.
She was as wet as I was.
She started to move her hips, rhythmically pressing her thigh onto my slit and her pussy onto my leg. The pressure and the vacuum created sucked the juice from our vaginas and made a loud squelching noise.
I’d never done this before, it felt so good; it built the tension and the sensation. While we were moving together Sophie pushed one of her breasts against my face and I sucked a nipple – I experimented with nipping and nibbling, she murmured, “Oui, oui, c’est au poil!” as she arched against me.
She reached around me to put a couple of fingers up my vagina and finger fucked me in time to the thrusts against my clit. When I wasn’t kissing and sucking her breasts, she was doing the same to me or we were kissing each other's mouths and faces. She encouraged me, speaking in French – it was so arousing, I missed most of what she said – I was in the clouds.
From time to time I was aware of Laurent, stroking me, kissing my hair, briefly I thought that he was being very patient – normally he would have jumped on me by now! – and then my mind went back to how close my orgasm was.
Sophie was a wonderful lover, she played me like an instrument – pulling back when I nearly went over the edge until I was supersensitive and shuddering all over, whimpering in my need. By trhis time I was completely out of control; moaning and groaning , shivering and shuddering, muscles expanding and contracting, my juice making a slick all down Sophie’s thigh. I felt the arousal ramp up as Sophie found my G-spot and started to press it – then I was over the edge, bucking against her and squeaking.
As my spasms subsided Sophie moved down my body to lick my clit and the whole area of my vulva. She was moaning and I sensed Laurent couldn’t hold back any longer. He slid his cock up her vagina; as it went in she sucked harder on my clit. She quickly established a rhythm – I felt Laurent’s pelvic thrusts communicated through her body shudders and the pressure of her mouth on my vulva. As her orgasm built Sophie fucked me with her tongue and that rapidly brought my arousal up to the edge again.
Laurent must have been very excited as he orgasmed when Sophie did. By some miracle so did I. We must have made one hell of a racket as my vulva muffled only Sophie’s shouts.
Laurent, gave me a kiss and asked if he could lick Sophie's pussy – of course he could – I was amazed at his restraint.

I said, “Absolument, vu qu’il fera mon virage pour faire que la prochaine fois!”…. there was no way I was going to miss that treat, a repeat of this adventure was on my agenda…maybe next time we could take a trip to France – perhaps to Belle Isle sur Risle at Pont Audemer – my favourite hotel of all time.

Beware of what you borrow…. It might get you into bother

2009-08-06T16:46:00.000+01:00

This is a fantasy, suggested by a friend, who sent me the most delicious photo I have ever seen, as inspiration for it….

Collette and Janine have been friends since university, both are in their mid forties. They have gone their separate ways but always kept in touch. Janine had her family early and her daughter Jane is in her mid twenties.
Jane is a very assertive young woman, she is bi-sexual – not that her mother knows this. She has a strong libido and is very clear about what does and what doesn’t turn her on. Janine would say that her daughter has a tendency to be bossy. Jane would probably agree.

Collette has a successful career in a man’s world. In her view there are two types of women in her field – those who dress to please themselves and those who dress to please men. She’s in the former camp- her clothes are very chic but not sexy – functional and comfortable. Not that she’s a prude, its just that she has never seen the benefit in low cut, flimsy, lacy things – whether its undies or top layers. Of course she assumes that everyone else is like her – if there are sober clothes on top then what’s worn underneath will be sensible and not frivolous.

She has come to stay with Janine for a long weekend – they are still good friends but have never exchanged intimate secrets, neither knows for example that they share a fascination with bi-sexuality and that both of them would jump at the chance to experiment with sex as their current sexual relationships are a bit vanilla – fills them up but there is no spark.

Over breakfast, a comfortable meal with just the two of them, still in towelling robes, Collette tells Janine that she’ll need to do some shopping as she’s forgotten to pack enough underwear for her stay.
Janine says, “You and Jane are about the same size, she always buying underwear and will have some new stuff in her room, she won’t mind if you borrow something.”
“Shouldn’t I ask her first?” Collette says. “I don’t want to wind her up, if I’m honest I find Jane a bit intimidating, she is so confident.”
Janine smiles, “No more than we were at her age, go on, she won’t bite, I don’t expect her back for ages anyway.”

So after breakfast Collette has a shower and wrapped in a towel goes into Jane’s bedroom and sits at the dressing table where the underwear is kept. She takes out a couple of bras and some knickers. She really surprised, as these are beautifully designed, but very flimsy – made of lace and transparent fabrics, and she asks herself, “Jane wears these beneath business suits and jeans? She must do there are no ordinary cotton knickers here.” She chuckles to herself, remember when Janine and her were at university, how they used to call the knickers, she now wore, ‘ passion killers’.

She puts a pair of knickers to her cheek – they feel like silk, such a wonderful soft, slinky feeling against her skin. “I wonder want they would feel like on?” she says.
She slips the first pair on, white lace appliquéd onto translucent cream silk, these are like little shorts with wide frilly legs that are cut in a V high on the hips. They are so soft she can’t help stroking the fabric against her hip, “what a wonderful feeling that is,” she mutters to herself.
She then tries on the matching bra. It is wonderfully sculpted to hold up her breasts without masking her nipples, it feels as though she’s not wearing anything, except when she moves in a certain way, then the silk covered edge of the bra caresses her nipples. Again she can’t help touching the fabric, she catches sight of herself in the mirror, tongue between her lips, both hands up, fingers touching her breasts, legs spread and little curls of auburn pubic hair peeping round the frills. She gasps, she looks so alluring it is turning her on, she continues to look at her reflection and sees her nipples hardening – she is surprised, this has never happened before – she feels so sexy.

She takes off that set, eager to try another look. This time she chooses a lacy thong; she’s never worn one of these and has always wondered whether they would be comfortable or if they made you feel like you were being cut in half.
Again this feels as though it is made of silk. It has a V cut in the top to mirror the shape the rest of it makes across her mound and down to between her legs. She is amused by how little fabric it has, and how transparent the lace is. She slips it on and to her surprise it fits like a very comfortable glove. She then puts on the matching bra – this is made of similar material, under wired so it makes the most of her small breasts. Although the cups cover most of her breasts they might not be there – the fabric is completely transparent.
She looks at herself in the mirror and is shocked to see that she actually looks naked – she can see her slit and, if she moves her legs in a particular way, her clit and vagina. She can’t resist touching her nipples, where they are pressing up against the fabric
She is just thinking to herself that this is far cry from her cotton cover-ups, when she hears the door open, and in the mirror sees Jane come into the room.
She is transfixed, fingers still on nipples; totally flummoxed, she opens and closes her mouth but no sound comes out.
Jane smiles and comes to stand behind Collette. “How’s my favourite Aunt, then?” she says, as she makes eye contact in the mirror with Collette.
“I, um, I, er,” stammers Collette, rendered virtually speechless by the situation. Jane places a hand on each of Collette’s shoulders and squeezes gently.
“Mum said you were up here, wanting to borrow some undies – those look great on you,” she says.
Collette lets out the breath she doesn’t realise she’s holding. Relieved that Jane isn’t fed up with someone trying on her underwear without her knowledge, Collette gabbles, “I’m so glad you didn’t mind that….., I was worried you might…….., I didn’t want to……, your underwear is…., it is so lovely to….., feel so good in it….., it makes me feel…, want to……”

She puts her hands to her face, her cheeks are burning.
Jane reaches over Collette’s shoulders and grasps her hands and gently pulls them away from her face.
“It’s ok,” she whispers, “shush, shush, you look so good in them, look at how sexy your body looks.”
Collette looks in the mirror and suddenly sees herself through Jane’s eyes, rosy blushing across her breasts and cheeks, hard nipples, legs apart showing her secret places – an aroused woman. She groans and closes her eyes. She can’t face what she has discovered, that she loves Jane seeing her body like this. – a young woman who so easily could be her own daughter….

Jane kneels in front of Collette and pulls her into the circle of her arms. She whispers, “It’s alright, shush, just chill.”. She strokes Collette’s hair very softly. They are both kneeling and gradually Jane pulls Collette closer so they are touching breast to breast, hip to hip. She pushes Collette’s head onto her shoulder and lifting up her hair, gently strokes the back of her neck.
Collette whimpers. “Shush, shush,” Jane whispers again as she starts to stroke Collette’s nearly naked back.
She gently moves one hand up and down Collette’s back. As she does she feels Collette’s back rippling as little shudders make their way up and down the muscles.
Collette murmurs, “Stop, please stop, now!” and she pulls back from Jane. She looks into Jane’s eyes, her own luminous with unshed tears. “I mustn’t, you shouldn’t, I can’t,” she blurts.
“What is it,” asks Jane, “tell me, please.”

Collette pushes herself up from the floor and sits on the dressing table bench, she puts her head in her hands. From behind this screen she haltingly tells Jane, “I’m like your mother, I shouldn’t feel the way I do, I can’t feel like this…!”

Jane kneels in front of her and gently strokes Collette’s knees. “What are you feeling, Collette?” she says, “tell me.”
“I have feelings I shouldn’t have,” Collette confesses, “feelings for you.”

Jane says nothing, she plants little kisses on Collette’s knees and gently starts to stroke her thighs.
“No, “ says Collette.
Jane’s response is to kiss further up Collette’s thighs until she groans and spreads her legs.
Collette sits up straight and puts her hands down. She looks at Jane and says, “I’m going to stop you, because this is wrong.”

Jane replies, “Your body is saying something else, look how turned on you are.” She points in the mirror to between Collette’s legs, both of them can see wetness glistening on the labia, through the thong, as it reflects the light . She puts two fingers on Collette’s labia and rubs them gently through the fabric. Then she pushes until a finger separates the lips and slips past the fabric between them.

“Yes, oh yes,” says Jane as Collette groans.
Jane has found Collette’s clit and is rubbing it, shudders hit her body, spreading up from her vagina, the juice oozes out all over Jane’s finger. Collette can’t help her legs spreading wide. It is Jane’s turn to groan as she moves between Collette’s legs to lick her clit. Collette arches her body to increase the contact with Jane’s mouth.
Jane increases the pressure as she takes Collette’s clit between her lips and sucks it.
This is the most wonderful feeling that Collette has ever had. The pulling on her clit seems to go to her very core, she wants to press Jane’s head further into her slit, she wants to thrust and suddenly finds that is what she is doing. Jane slips a couple of fingers up Collette’s vagina and times her sucking and finger fucking with Collette’s thrusts. Soon Collette is shuddering and bucking on her fingers and face.
Collette is feeling so aroused, the sensation in her vagina is incredible, she can feel that everything is swollen and as though her heart in beating in her clit. Her muscles begin to tense sharply and she knows that this is the sign that her orgasm is nearly there. As she becomes aware of this all the tension lets go and the muscles stretch and contract rhythmically. Her hips arch and shudder and her juice squirts into Jane’s face as she cums. She pants and whimpers and squirms as the muscle contractions continue for 20 seconds. Throughout this time all she has been aware of is Jane’s mouth and fingers. As she comes down from her orgasm she becomes aware of the noises in the house and what a vulnerable situation she’s in.
Jane squats in front of her, takes Collette’s face in her hands and kisses her deeply. Collette is aware of her juice on Jane’s face and in her mouth. She is surprised how good it tastes.
She can’t help kissing Jane back. But then commonsense begins to assert itself.
She pulls back and says, “We can’t ever do that again, that was a mistake, I’m sorry, I’m responsible, I should have stopped you.”
Jane’s answer is to grasp Collette’s hand, put it between her legs and start to thrust on it, “You can’t stop now, “ she says, “look what you have done to me., I need to cum too.”
Collette groans and leaning forward returns Jane’s kisses.

“Yes,” she says …..

Laurent’s story: Online to Offline Lives

2009-07-26T18:19:00.001+01:00

I asked Laurent to tell me a story that I could be part of….
This is what he told me and what I thought happened next…

Laurent
” We agree to meet in a busy Starbucks coffee bar on Trafalgar Square, I am early and sit and watch people going by, noticing how some women’s nipples are sticking out against their tight fitted blouses as they walk in the brisk cool morning.

After a while I see you approach and I am starting to feel nervous but also aroused as I recall our last conversation online. You were pleasuring yourself on your cam as I watched and stroked myself.

I stand up and give you a kiss on the cheek and ask you. “ What I can get you?” You are wearing a soft silk blouse through which I can see a glimpse of a lacy bra, a nicely fitting skirt that sits above your knee, letting me appreciate the shape of your calves.
Wearing high-heeled shows showing them off even more, at a guess you are wearing hold ups and hose. My mind goes into over drive as I go to the counter and order us coffees.

As I look back I can see you glancing at me and people around. I join the table and sit close to you which enables me to smell that you are wearing my favourite perfume, ‘Paris’ by Yves Saint Laurent, the scent makes me dream and makes me want to kiss you here in front of everybody!

I take hold of your hand and kiss it, keeping hold of it I stroke your finger; your skin so soft; making me want to suck each of your fingers knowing where they have been and done. I whisper to you, telling that you are even more beautiful in person that on the cam; you smile, take a sip of your coffee and lick your lips in an erotic kind of way.
I start telling you how you made me feel as I watched you pleasuring yourself, I can feel my erection trying to burst out of my trousers, I whisper to you that there is nothing more that I want to do but to taste you and have you have many orgasms from my oral stimulation.
You shift in your seat as you feel yourself getting moist from my words, I also notice that your nipples have stiffened up, not from the cold but from the arousal.
I let my second hand glide across your thighs, stroking them in long soft fluid movement, your eyes locked into mine, seeing your breathing a little faster as you love the way my fingers feel on your legs.........”

Collette
Laurent romanced me from the first instant message he sent. Let’s face it, the personal messages on Literotica are usually the “I’ve seen you post and I want to lick you.” variety, so someone who is polite but amusing, complimentary but respectful, stands out, holds the notice.

He used his Gallic charm to woo me, ending his posts with little seductive touches – ‘bisous’ – kisses.

In my head I could hear the sexy accent of Yves Montand:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLlBOmDpn1s&feature=related

To be honest, this probably did for me – a pragmatic English woman, suddenly being courted by a guy who sounded (I hoped) like sex on legs. The curse of a vivid imagination….

To be fair, Laurent played by the rules and it was that as much as anything that led me to doing what I swore I never would, getting a web cam and actually masturbating to an audience of strangers – OK, there was only one in the audience, or so I hoped.
He was very skilled at seduction – he sent links to poems about love, he sent pictures of romantic places, he confessed his innermost thoughts – things he’d never even told his best friend. He laughed at my jokes and he made me laugh. We progressed quite quickly to cybering. He was a considerate cyber lover – he asked if I was comfortable with what we were doing – ramping it up a little at a time. It was delicious, I rushed home, hoping to hear the ping. I started to run my life by the timetable we agreed. We would describe what each might do to the other and what we were doing to ourselves until one or both or us orgasmed. These developed into full shuddering, squirting events on my part – and I quickly became addicted to the pleasure of those orgasms.

He was very clever, as I felt in control, that he wasn’t pumping me for information about aspects of myself I didn’t want to share. So of course I did want to share, didn’t I! I gave him my postcode, my work email address and my instant messaging ID.

We got into the habit of cybering regularly and for while it worked until Lauren began to get irritated with my typing. I have never been able to type without looking at the keyboard and found typing accurately on IM challenging. We reached the point where he suggested using the voice feature on Yahoo Messenger.
I was reluctant at first, possibly worried about what he might think of my voice, but the potential hint that the orgasms might stop helped me get over my reluctance. This took the sex to new heights. It was so easy to listen to his voice – not exactly Yves Montand – but extremely arousing as by now he knew all the triggers to get me wet and shuddering. We would play little games to extend our orgasms – it was amazing sex. The best I’d ever had – I became quite adventurous – tasting my own juice, using it to anoint my nipples and breasts and moisturise the skin on my face.
Before I knew it I was hooked on being guided to orgasm by a disembodied voice. He would control my orgasms in various ways, I might have to wait for an IM before I could start touching myself; he might email a link to a You Tube clip and I would masturbate to that so he could hear both me and the music.
I suppose it was inevitable that he would get around to the web cam.
I had confessed that I liked to be watched and gradually he would introduce this as an issue.
It came to a head one night when he mailed the link to Je t’aime. I’d heard the song a couple of times on the radio but hadn’t really listened to it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHiMDB19Dyc
The instructions said I was to speak Jane Birkin’s lyrics to him, while he would respond with Serge Gainsbourg’s. As soon as I heard him say….
“Je vais, je vais et je viens
Entre tes reins
Je vais et je viens
Entre tes reins
Et je me retiens……”

in that accent of his ….. I was gone

And by…… Maintenant viens - I did – the most amazing screaming vaginal orgasm of my life.

It took him about five seconds to ‘persuade’ me about the web cam…. And about twenty-four hours until I performed for the first time. We set up the cam so he could talk to me via the messenger. In a way I was happy with this as it meant that he was taking responsibility for it, but in that I also forgot that I would be completely under his control.
It never occurred to me to suggest that we set rules for the cam. The assumption from the beginning was that I would be taking all my clothes off and that Lauren would have visual access to any part of my body that he chose to view.
I was terrified the first time I used the camera, all kinds of questions went through my head: What would he think of me? Would I be able to get aroused? Would I have orgasms?
With Laurent guiding me it felt a lot safer – he told me exactly what to do. I had set the camera up with the remote focus so zooming in and out would be easy.
Laurent asked me to take my shirt off, I was shy as this was the first time he had seen me – he was very reassuring – telling me how beautiful I was and how much he was looking forward to sharing this with me. I unbuttoned my shirt and slid it off my arms and covered my breasts with my hands; he cajoled me into dropping my hands, gentling me with softly whispered words.
He asked me to caress my nipples and wet my fingers so they would slide easily. I needn’t worried about getting turned because as soon as I started stroking the shivers started.
As Laurent’s request I pulled up my skirt and stroked my inner thighs and ran a finger up and down between my labia through the fabric of my knickers. It was so lovely that I could feel myself start to get swollen. Next it was my skirt, now I was down to just my knickers.
Laurent said, “I want to see the moment when your juice peeps out” – I took off my knickers and spread my legs and zoomed the camera in until Lauren signalled to stop. Then I very gently stroked my clit – I knew it wouldn’t be long before the juice started to flow as I was beginning to get little shudders. And there it was – Lauren saw it as soon as I felt it – like little pearls strung out across the area between my clit and my vagina. I found it was such a turn on, for him to talk me through what he could see and what I was doing – I became so aroused that I couldn’t stop shuddering. My fingers didn’t get as far as my vagina as suddenly I had a huge contraction and squirted. I could hear Laurent’s excitement – he lapsed into French and shouted, “Stupéfier, merveilleux, si juteux,” and this was rather difficult to follow as I was in the throes and my French is very rudimentary at best.
In the days that followed the cam show became a more or less daily event, characterised by a series of amazing orgasms as I got off on knowing that Lauren was enjoying it as much as I was.

This pretty much brings us up to today – Laurent was his usual persuasive self. He emailed his photo so I would recognise him when we met – tall and dark, brown eyes, wide smile.
He will have told you about that meeting – all I will add is that he is as sexy as hell and we can’t keep our hands off each other, we make love as often as we can – now that we live together….

and yes, my French is improving!

This is for Lin – who sometimes likes to let things build slowly

2009-07-25T11:37:00.001+01:00

I’ll never forget the first time I saw her. It was a very ordinary day I was on my way into the city, on the train. It was very crowded as usual, no chance of a seat, so I stood in the aisle between the seats in First Class.
Day dreaming about a holiday I must have smiled to myself as I noticed a woman sitting on her own some way down the carriage smiling at me. That smile was infectious, soon we were grinning at each other. I noticed that she was very expensively dressed and had a beautiful leather briefcase.
The train arrived at the station and I lost sight of her in the crowd, I made my way to work and thought no more about it.

For the next few days I had breakfast meetings to attend so caught an earlier train and so it wasn’t until the following week that I caught the same one and saw her again. She waved when she saw me and beckoned me over. There was an empty seat next to her. She said to me, “You’ll be OK, the ticket inspector has been here and it will take him the rest of the journey to work through the other carriages.” She realised that I wasn’t about to pay a supplement to sit in First Class.
She said that she’d seen me on the train regularly for several months now and wondered what I did, why I was travelling to the city. “It’s a hobby of mine to imagine what people do, what makes them happy,” she said, “I was interested in you because I have often seen you smile and I promised myself that if I ever had the chance to talk to you that I would ask you why you were smiling.”
That made me laugh – we shared an interest in people watching. In that short journey – just twenty minutes – we swapped information about, jobs and careers, holidays and food likes. As the train arrived we agreed to chat the next time we met on the train.
“I’m Linda, by the way,” she said as we got up to leave. She put out her hand and I shook it. That was my first inkling about what was to come, a tiny shock like static electricity, tingled through my hand. “I’m Collette,” I replied.

For the next couple of weeks we met regularly to talk on the train and I got to know her – that she ran her own business, was happily married with no children, a little older than me. We found out that we shared a love of: beaches in winter, the aliens in ‘Men in Black’ and all of the film Love Actually; that we couldn’t stand pizza and politicians who ‘Twittered’; and that our favourite holiday destination was Madrid.
During this time we never touched, but I often wondered about that tingle.

Then one day she said, “I’m really early for a meeting, do you have time for a coffee?” I knew I wouldn’t be missed so I agreed and we went to the Starbucks at the station.
It was a little strange sitting on a comfortable chair, opposite her, being able to look into her eyes properly for the first time. It was here that I felt the first real stirrings and wondered if she was sharing that feeling. I had no idea and wasn’t about to screw things up by asking.
The hour flew by and we started to share more personal information about relationships, joking about the number of frogs we’d had to kiss before we’d found our Princes. We talked about the music that made us cry and skirted around the things that turned us on.

As we got up to leave she said to me, “I’ve really enjoyed this, we must do this again sometime, I feel like we are friends now.” With that she leaned across and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. I was so surprised that all I could do was put my hand up to touch the spot where her lips had brushed my skin. I stuttered, “Bye,” as she walked off.

I spent the next few days revisiting that kiss, like you do with your tongue to a sore tooth. I was becoming obsessed, replaying it again and again. This also coincided with a very busy time at work and early starts, so I didn’t have the chance to see her again for two weeks.
I stood the platform waiting for the train as usual but this time as it pulled in slowly I saw her face at one of the doors. She waved at me and as I got to the door she thrust a ticket into my hand. “I couldn’t risk missing you, so I bought you an upgrade,” she said, smiling broadly. As we went to our seats she told me about what had happened and the idea she had. She’d been given a voucher, by a client, as a ‘thank you’ for achieving a difficult project; it was for tea for two at the Ritz and would I like to be her guest?
I’d never been there and so I accepted like a shot – it was on my ‘500 things to do before you die’ list. We looked at our diaries and set a date for the following week. All too quickly the journey was over and we went our separate ways, unlikely to see it each other until the tea.

I agonised over what to wear that day, tried on lots of different things and finally settled for a silk shirt and linen trousers. We met in the lobby. Linda seemed a bit nervous. She said, “I haven’t been quite honest with you, come with me and I’ll show you what I mean.” She led the way to the lift. I was intrigued and if I’m honest a bit scared.

We went up to the second floor and she opened the door to a large suite – a sitting room with two comfortable sofas and an adjoining bedroom with an ensuite bathroom. She stood by one of the large windows overlooking Green Park and turned to look at me.
She said, “I wanted to get to know you better, but wanted that to be in private so we could be ourselves. There are no strings attached to this, whatever you decide I will accept and not think any differently of you. You can go now or stay and have tea and take it from there.”

I was overwhelmed. I had a fantasy of being seduced by a woman but never in such beautiful and luxurious surroundings. If it was here I wasn’t sure if I could go through with it.

I started to say something and Linda put up her hand, palm towards me. “Don’t say anything, just nod,” she said, “will you stay for tea?” When I nodded she let out a breath.

There was a discreet knock at the door and a uniformed young man wheeled in a trolley and laid up the table between the sofas with Darjeeling tea and slices of lemon, cucumber sandwiches and tiny scones to serve with strawberry jam and clotted cream.

We sat chatting as we sampled to sandwiches and the scones. It was very relaxed and I was enjoying it. The conversation ranged far and wide until Linda said, “I have something serious to ask you.”

I nodded and she asked, “Do you masturbate?”

I made some jokey response like, “All women do but it is the best kept secret in the world.”
“No, I’m serious, she said, “I’ve always wanted to know what turns other women on when they masturbate.”

“Will you tell me about your sexual fantasies?” she asked.
I said, "Yes."
She asked me to start so I told the story of having photos taken by an old man when I was still at school, that I often turned into a fantasy.

I explained about how I went to his studio and that the first thing he asked me to do was take off my shirt as it would show in the pictures.
Although I felt very uncomfortable with that I did as he asked. He gave me a piece of fabric to drape across my breasts.
As he took the pictures he kept coming over to arrange my long hair and would accidentally brush his fingers over my breasts. When he brushed my nipples they started to get hard. I felt very scared and that made me feel as though I was going to wet myself. He saw my arousal and played on it - touching my upper body, brushing against me.

Linda asked me to describe how my body felt while this was happening. I told her how I got a dull ache across my tummy; I started to get wet between my legs. I think I also started to blush across my neck and upper chest.

Just talking about it started to get me wet. It was a lovely feeling. She could see I was aroused.
“Will you show me what he what he did," she asked. I knew that I could bail out at any point, but this felt really safe, so I wanted to continue.

So I took off my shirt and pretended that my hands were his and stroked my breasts. It was amazing to have her watch me do this. She could see my arousal growing. Then she asked me to describe what my emotions were at the time. I talked about how humiliated I felt particularly because my body was reacting to his stimulation but I didn't want it to happen.

"This was rape" she said, “why did you get turned on?”

I replied, “I thought that I deserved the treatment I received because I needed to be punished for wanting sex. Submitting to his touching was also my way of buying approval, of getting to belong.”

It was wonderful to be able to tell her about this. I was so turned on and I think she could see that.
She asked me to carry on with the story and I did…

The guy told me that the best pictures would be of me naked, so I was to take my jeans off.
Linda could see I was shaking and said, “Shall I undo your zip for you?” I nodded.
I stood in front of her and she very gently unzipped my trousers and slid them down my legs. As she did so her fingers brushed the skin on my legs. That was so arousing, I moaned.

Once my trousers were off Linda just sat and looked at me. Finally I admitted to myself that I was hoping to seduce her - I was longing for her to stroke me.
I went on with the story, describing how the man ran his fingers along the top of my knickers. How he slipped his fingers inside the elastic and stroked my tummy, then down my tummy to my mound.
“Will you show me?” she said.
I did what she asked and she could see how wet I was, my juice was soaking through my knickers.
She asked me if he took my pants off and I said, “Yes.”
She asked, " Shall I do that for you now?”.
"Yes please," I replied. She took my knickers down and I stepped out of them to stand naked in front of her. She reached out and gently touched my tummy. I groaned and spread my legs. I shivered, full of need.

I longed to have her touch me between the legs. I longed to have an orgasm. I wanted to ask her to stroke me but was too shy to do so.
“Please,” I begged.
“Of course,” she replied and reached out to me with her arms…….

To be continued…..

Italian Story

2009-07-14T19:12:00.001+01:00

This is a story shared with me by a fellow Celt. Iwan – my name for him, we have never met, that I know of.. there’s a chance of an exchanged glance or smile, and maybe even a touch as we have brushed up against each other – unaware of the delicious bond between us.

He tells the story of how, as a young ‘English as a Foreign Language‘ teacher in Italy he had an amazing experience with three young women. My contribution to this is to tell part of the story through the eyes of one of these women.

Anna met us after School one day – all excited about the plan she had for the Easter holidays. Her parents had a house in the mountains where they spent every summer – we could stay there at Easter – we would have to open up the house and cater – but in return we would have the place to ourselves for the whole long weekend.

Anna is the brave one – she is the leader of our group – they call me ‘Poco Paula’ as I’m not small but I’m the shy one – the little mouse. I have had the usual attention from guys – banging car doors and shouting “Bella, bella.” But I have shied away from such attention.
Anna and Lucia – the Raven – with her black hair, were much more striking looking and encouraged such reactions.

Anna had been studying English for six months at her parents’ request. Lucia already spoke fluently and so did I although it was rare for me to use it.

Anna resented her lessons and was always telling us how she would tease her teacher. He was young and handsome – but it was easy to make him blush. Lucia and I suspected she went further than she let on – she could take risks sometimes. She told us about the last naughty thing she had done and how it had given her the idea for Easter.
She described how she had made the Prof, as she called him, have an erection – she said although he had tried to hide it she could still see it through his baggy trousers; he went very red and mumbled something in a language that wasn’t English.
“What did you do,” we asked. She replied, “I put my legs up on the desk and pretended that my skirt had slipped and flashed my knickers at him, it was so much fun to tease him…. he is so proper and respectful.”
“Anyway,” she continued, ”this is my plan… lets invite the Prof to go with us.”

I wasn’t sure but Anna and Lucia dismissed my concerns, “Don’t be such a spoilsport, there’s three of us, he wouldn’t be a problem, he could lose his job.”

Anyway, Anna invited him and the four of us travelled up there in Lucia’s car. We stopped to buy provisions and after a long drive up a rough track reached the house.

We opened up, found logs, swept and set the stove. Most of the furniture was covered up but we managed to make it feel cosy and warm.
It was a glorious afternoon so we changed into bikini tops and skirts and sat outside making daisy chains.

Thinking back to that day – the three of us were very different to look at, being in bikinis accentuated those differences – Anna was tall, blonde and willowy, Lucia had long shiny black hair and I was little shorter with dark auburn hair and pale, pale skin.
I envied my friends everything but their breasts – Anna’s were small, Lucia’s were larger but heavy, mine were bigger and firmer.

In the evening we cooked on the range and sat around talking and drinking sparkling wine. We all drank more than usual and so that is why it seemed like a good idea to all sleep in one big bed together. It was Anna’s idea of course – she made a joke about it being cold….

We all got into the bed fully clothed and played silly games. This progressed into tickling and wrestling. Anna and Lucia were determined to get Iwan’s clothes off, so the wrestling soon got him down to his Calvin Klein’s.
Anna and Lucia managed to lose everything but their pants. Anna decided to tickle Lucia, they looked so beautiful together. I peeked at Iwan – he must have thought so too as I could see a big bulge in his pants. Seeing them like that also did something to me.

When they stopped for a rest Anna said, “Look at Poco Paula – she’s really turned on by the wrestling, let’s have a closer look.”
They pounced on me and pulled off my jeans and shirt. Iwan must have seen it first – the damp patch that made my knickers transparent; and my erect nipples.

“Look at that, “ says Anna, “our little mouse is wet,” as she leant over and caressed one of my nipples… “randy little mouse.”

I groaned as she stroked me, I couldn’t help myself and arched my back so there was more contact between her hand and my breast.

Lucia had started tickling my feet and then she worked up my legs to my thighs. I have always been extremely ticklish so this made me squeal and then made me feel as though I was going to wet myself.
What I didn’t realise was that I was being powerfully sexually aroused – I got wetter and the whole area between my legs started to ache.

Lucia had half rolled on me to prevent my escaping the tickling. She pressed against me and I felt her pussy push into my thigh. It felt distinctly damp to me. As she tickled further up my legs and onto my tummy she began to make little thrusts and exhaled her breath as she did so.

Iwan and Anna went quiet, they were both looking at us intently. I could see the bulge in his pants was even bigger. Somehow I found them watching Lucia tickle me to be very exciting.
Iwan just watched and I could hear his breathing – it seemed as fast and nearly as noisy as Lucia’s.

I think Anna was getting fed up – not being the centre of attention – but what she did next I think took us all by surprise. She stood up on the bed, pulled her pants off and started to do a kind of belly dance. She stroked her body and stood over Iwan, swaying and writhing.
Lucia stopped tickling me and looked on in amazement. We all could see that Anna was aroused, her clit glistened in the candlelight, her juice formed little tiny rivulets on her thighs. She gradually bent her knees and lowered herself onto Iwan’s midriff. She lifted his hands and placed them on her breasts. She looked across at us, confident he wouldn’t understand and said, in Italian, “I had to do it, I couldn’t wait for him to make a move…”

She lowered her face to his and they kissed deeply. She slid up and down on his midriff for a little while. He moaned each time her bum touched his erect cock. She moved to push down his pants and lowered herself onto his penis. She sighed as it slid in all the way to the hilt. He groaned and rubbed her breasts.
He arched his hips and she thrust down powerfully, almost like riding a horse. Her movements were punctuated with grunts and groans; we could hear Anna explaining to Iwan, in her dreadful English, how much she was liking this….”How much wet I am, I’m very horny this fucking.”

Lucia had resumed her little thrusts and was now making whimpering noises, she pressed her hand against my mound. Oh that was so good, up until now I hadn’t realised that was what I had been longing for.

Lucia gasped, “Rub me, please.”

I pushed down Lucia’s knickers and put my hand between her pussy and my leg so I could feel her wetness. That was as far as I dared go, she moved her clit against my hand – it was so hard and wet – it felt amazing.
She lowered her head and sucked one of my nipples. I pressed my mound up into her hand and she gently pushed my thong aside and slid in her fingers.
She started thrusting really fast against my hand and some of my fingers slid into her vagina – that felt so good. Her muscles started to move against my fingers, she got wetter and her whimpers got louder. Suddenly she started to shudder and the wetness swirled all around my fingers. Her muscles gripped my fingers as the contractions of her orgasms got stronger. She shuddered once more and lay still. I pulled out my fingers and licked them – how sweet that was.

Anna was still riding Iwan but I could see she was close. He was rubbing her clit as she pressed down onto his penis and that was getting her to the edge of her orgasm. She shouted that she was cumming and her whole body convulsed. She lay on his chest for a short while and then pulled herself off. Iwan groaned, he hadn’t cum.

Lucia and Anna looked at each other, then looked at Iwan and me. “Come on,” said Anna, “they both need to cum.”

They pulled my knickers off and pushed me across the bed to where Iwan lay. Lucia started to lick my nipples and Anna to stroke my inner thighs. I had started to protest but this was so delicious that I gave in to the sensations. Anna took one of Iwan’s hands and laid it on my mound – he took the hint and started to stroke me. H gently spread my labia and rubbed my clit with one and then two fingers.
It was so sensitive that I longed to be licked – “Please, someone, lick me…” I begged.
I think it was Anna that did that …… until I wanted something more, I reached out and found a hand and pushed it up into my vagina, it was followed shortly by a penis that replaced it and I found myself being expertly fucked. What an amazing experience – my first real one – I’d had sex before but not with a man who knew how to pleasure me. His penis explored every part of my vagina, I was close to orgasm and started to thrust back. It was incredible, I could feel every bit of him. I started to shudder and he speeded up. I was there, my first orgasm with a man……I screamed and then burst into tears, I was sobbing, shuddering, squirting and writhing. The three of them were really concerned until I calmed down and announced it was my first real orgasm.
Poor Iwan, my performance had so frightened him that he hadn’t cum yet. Anna took pity on him and gave him a blowjob – which he must have enjoyed from the noises he was making.

We all slept really well that night, all cuddled up like puppies.
Anna finished her course and we all went our separate ways, until we saw Iwan’s picture on the Internet.

We met up yesterday and are travelling to Wales to surprise him at the Aber Jazz festival in Fishguard……

~M

2009-07-12T21:01:00.002+01:00

I will call these my ~M fantasies – m for mmm as well as in homage to a mentor and guide.

~M has been the inspiration for my blog and my journey to find out who I am; the first person to point out that the records of my fantasies had value.
As well as that she has an uncanny quality –her email address appearing in my inbox triggers a vaginal spasm and I’m wet before I have even read the message. Even writing about reading her messages is getting me wet now..aaaarrgh…

So, many of my fantasies have been based on how I imagine it would be like to be controlled, seduced, persuaded, watched – by ~M. I’m a generous person so I have other people playing parts – but there is a woman in all of them – exerting or guiding some form of control – in some cases saving me from myself.

***********************************************************************

The Book Club

I have been invited to join the book club. It’s a coup as there are lots of people who like to be in that club….
~M is the founder member and is really the person who drives it. The club meets at a different person’s home each month, to read and reflect on chosen stories and pieces of literature. Well, that’s what I have been told.

I turn up at the appointed time to ~M’s house. It is spacious and, although I know she has children, her sitting room is a haven of restfulness – large sofas surround an oak chest that acts as a low table. She has flowers arranged in vases – the design look is country chintz – floral linens and good quality natural fibre fabrics in creams, pale pinks and greens and lavender shades. There are double doors and windows running the width of the room that look out on to a large lawn that runs down to the shoreline. This evening the doors are propped open and a gentle breeze wafts through the room.

The club usually has eight or nine members that attend but tonight is my induction so ~M has only invited Carol to help her assess whether I would be an asset to the club. I love reading and I admire ~M so it seems an ideal thing to try for.

We sit down, ~M and Carol on one sofa and me facing them on another.
The sofas have high back so our shoulders are about level with the top of the cushions.

~M explains how the evening is organised, we have readings and reflection and then refreshments. She also mentions that the host chooses the story.
She says,
“We are branching out a little now and have decided to be quite risqué – so I have downloaded a short story from Literotica – it has three sections and each of us will read one section. Then we will each deliver a personal reflection on it. As I am the host I also get to do a critique on everyone’s reflection – this is also so we can learn how to express ourselves – and that is one of the objectives of the club. On the basis of how you perform tonight Carol and I will decide if you can join the club.”
She gets up to fetch the papers and as she comes back along the sofa she runs her fingers along Carol’s shoulder.

She hands out the sections of the story and we settle back. Carol starts… it is a story about a woman who is seduced into her first lesbian experience at a party.
Carol reads fluently and well. She pauses for effect and that increases the impact of the story. At the end of her section ~M asks her to comment on the quality of the writing and how it has made her feel. As she does this she brushes a lock of Carol’s hair off her face.
On the face of it these two actions – fingers on the shoulders and hair brushing are not overtly sexual but they hint at an intimacy that I would love to be a part of. Both have a profound effect on me.

Carol talks about the way the story is constructed, how the suspense builds and the techniques the author uses to build the tension. Then ~M asks her, “But what did it make you feel?”
Carol replies, “Well, it did make my nipples swell a bit and my pussy is tingling.”
It seems as though ~M is not really happy with Carol’s second response. She says, “You haven’t set a very good example for Collette to follow, you know.” She taps Carol’s knee with the flat of her hand.

Carol mutters something about it not being her kind of story. ~M replies, “Well you’ll have your choice next time and we’ll expect a better response from you.”

This worries me a little, but at least I know what level isn’t acceptable.
It is my turn to read and I think I do a fair job. It is a very hot story as far as I’m concerned, the images are very vivid and I’m aware of the effect it is having on me.

So time for reflection. I take a deep breath and go through the literary conventions the author uses to differentiate between the characters, how she makes the dialogue come alive and how she builds the sexual tension.

Then I say, “And how did it make me feel?”
It was as though a button had been pressed…..
I describe my arousal – “It really turned me on; I’m really wet now; my clit is swollen, my vagina is beginning to spasm; I’m beginning to get little shudders; my nipples are fully erect; my breasts are aching.”

~M and Carol have exchanged glances while I have been babbling on, I’m concerned that I have gone too far.

“That’s good, Collette,” ~M says.
Then she continues, “But I sense you are looking for something else, what do you want from this?”

I’m so relieved that she hasn’t disapproved of my reflection that I don’t even think about my reply – I blurt out,
“I want to be Alison in the story;
I want to be seduced;
I so want to be part of this club;
I want you to stroke me like you do Carol….

And then I stop, horrified at what I have just blurted out.

~M smiles, enigmatically.

She extends her arms and says, “Come here.”

I’m shaking so hard that I can hardly stand up. I’m so relived that I have not been rejected; I have a massive spasm because I am so aroused; I move around the table still shuddering. I stand in front of her and she gestures for me to lift my skirt.

“Show us just how excited you are,“ she says.

I do as instructed. I lift my skirt to reveal a white lacy thong that is soaked with my juice.

~M says, “We can’t see how swollen you are, take off your knickers.”

I push my thong down to my ankles and step out of it, I put the soaked thong on the table, and then I pull my skirt up again.

~M leans towards me and blows gently on my clit that is peeping out from between my labia as it is so engorged……

At that point in the story I have a massive orgasm and squirt onto the sheet ,
– that’s right I didn’t even get to the end of the fantasy before cumming.

My first experience with a hidden camera…

2009-07-12T18:28:00.004+01:00

We had agreed I would take a hidden camera with me in my handbag. This meant that Bob would be able to see me in all aspects of my life.

I loved the idea of this as it meant I would be being watched when I wasn’t aware of it – although potentially I could be being watched all the time. Just the idea of this turned me on and so on that first day I was already fairly aroused before I even got going.

We planned that I would go shopping in the normal way. I needed some new underwear as Bob liked the wear-n-tear variety – the sort to removed with teeth – the disadvantage being it didn’t last long…..

A new branch of Contessa had opened locally and I made it my first stop. It’s an amazing place but the shop assistants can be a bit intimidating and stuck up. I have always had a theory about women who fit bras….. today might be the day that I got to test that theory.

It turned out to be promisng from the start as the shop was quiet and the older assistant was the one to usher me into the fitting room, once I had made a few initial selections.
She took charge immediately. She said, “Try this bra on for size, I will them measure you and sort out the fitting that will suit you best. Will you be wanting to buy sets? We have knickers that go with that bra.”

I put the handbag on a chair next to the mirror, angled so the picture would include most of what went on.

The assistant stood back as I removed my old bra and put on the new one. It was strange to be watched by another woman, who paid particular attention to my breasts. It was also arousing, more so since I knew Bob would be watching this.

Once I got the shoulder straps in place the assistant came over. She said, “I need to check the fit and I will do that by settling each breast into the cup.” With that she put a hand into the bra and cupped one of my breasts. She had very soft skin and touched me very gently. She brushed my nipple, whether by design or accident I don’t know, but the effect was immediate. That nipple hardened.
She made eye contact and raised an eyebrow, I blushed. “That seems to fit quite nicely, but I will need to take measurements – so why don’t you slip that off,” she said.

I did that and stood facing the mirror, now naked to the waist. She came and stood behind me – so she was looking into my eyes via the mirror. For some reason I found that a turn on and had a ‘nervous – lick my lips – moment’ – her eyes seemed a bit hypnotic and I found myself repeating the lip licking as she held eye contact.
I had my arms crossed in front of my breasts and she said, “I need to take your base chest measurement so you’ll have to hold out your arms.”

I put my arms out as instructed and she leaned round me to put the tape measure in place just below my breasts, as she did this the back of her hands brushed each nipple. Knowing that Bob was watching this ramped the whole thing up and I couldn’t control a shudder as this happened. By this time my nipples were as big as I’ve ever seen them and my breasts were aching.
After she wrote down that measurement she explained that she needed to do the same but across my breasts to work out the correct cup size. This time her fingers actually caressed my nipples whilst moving tape into place across them.

I gave another shudder and felt the effects lower down as a vaginal spasm drove some juice through my knickers onto my inner thighs.
The assistant did not react to any of this round of changes to my body, though she seemed to be doing a thorough job of measuring me.

She had several bras and selected one, “This will fit beautifully, try it on now,” she said.
She was right, it was lovely. I looked at myself in the mirror and she came to stand behind me again. “Now, what about the knickers – would you like to try those?” she asked. I nodded and she said, “Better slip that skirt off and I’ll find the matching pair.”

I knew this was make or break time, the wet patch in my knickers would be all too apparent. Was this the moment to test my theory? I couldn’t wimp out now as Bob would be watching. “So here goes,” I thought as I unzipped my skirt and put it on the chair next to my bag.

I glanced into the mirror and sure enough there was a wet patch that had spread up to the point where my pussy goes vertical – the mound. She wasn’t going to miss that.

So there I was, nipples hard, breasts engorged and clearly fully aroused, standing in front of the mirror. The assistant turned back from sorting through pairs of knickers, with one pair in her hand. In the mirror I saw her eyes pan down my body to take in the wet patch and she licked her lips.
Before I could say anything she sank to her knees and turned me through 90 degrees to face her, so we were in profile to the mirror. Hr face was level with my mound and she reached up to gently scratch it briefly with a fingernail. I groaned as she traced the wet patch with her nail and then found the gap between my labia. She pushed one finger into the gap and ran it up and down its entire length making the fabric wick up more of my juice.
As her finger ran over the tip of my clit I had a massive shudder that make my breasts shake.

“Well,” she said, “what are we going to do about this – I can’t possibly let you try on our knickers when you are so wet.”
I assumed that was a rhetorical question, she was fully in control of what happened to me – I was so aroused I’d probably have done anything she told me.
She started to pull down my knickers, I spread my legs to let that happen and looked at myself in the mirror. I could clearly see my clit protruding beyond my labia silhouetted against the light.

I watched as she drew me towards her, her tongue came out to meet my clit and then I saw it disappear into her mouth. The sensation of her gently sucking it was nearly lost in the reaction it triggered….. vaginal spasm, all-over body shudder and a load groan. She pulled me harder into her face as she started to fuck me with her tongue. I could hear the noises made, slurping and squelching – I was so wet. I wanted this so much that I arched towards her and….. held her head with my hands. I couldn't help myself thrusting in time with her tongue.

The noises I was making were getting louder and more inarticulate. The tension was building and I could feel the spasms getting closer together. It was so good that I never wanted it to stop but I was too aroused for it to continue much longer – I arched even further back and my leg muscles tensed, this pressure created another spasm that took me over the edge. Every muscle in my body seemed to contract, I grunted as each shudder became stronger and then my knees buckled as I squirted into her mouth. There was juice everywhere, all over her face, down my legs, on the floor. She lowered me to the floor and carried on, her mouth on my clit and her fist up my vagina. She quickly found my G-spot and gave me an incredible vaginal orgasm. This time I bucked and thrust my hips and screamed.

Neither of us had heard the door open and it was probably five minutes before either of us realised the shop manager was watching from the doorway.

“Well done, Miss Jones, its good to see you are giving added value in your customer service.”

I will probably make that my shop of choice for underwear in future.

What could happen in sharing a taxi……

2009-07-11T14:19:00.001+01:00

I was waiting in the queue for a taxi and an older woman came over to me and asked if I wanted to share hers. We were going to destinations near each other and I accepted as there have been stories of lone women being kidnapped by unscrupulous taxi drivers.

I put my handbag on the pull down seat and settled back onto the comfortable seat to face forward, next to my companion. We exchanged chitchat and I told her that I was working towards being creative – in textiles or design. She commented on the skirt I was wearing and leaned forward to feel the fabric.

“It is so soft and silky – I bet it feels great against the skin,” she said and as she did so she pinched a small fold of the fabric and rubbed it against her inner arm. As she let go of the fabric her hand brushed against the knee that had been exposed by the movement of the skirt.

My body’s reaction was instantaneous – my nipples hardened and stuck out through my shirt. This wasn’t surprising really as I knew Bob would be watching via the camera in my bag and as my nipples reacted I looked up to see if the taxi driver had noticed anything. In the mirror I saw him looking back at me and he winked – so he was watching as well – this made me feel really hot.

My companion looked at my nipples and then back to my legs. She said, “This fabric only works if you don’t shave your legs – do you?”
In reply, I shook my head. She leaned forward again and ran one hand up my calf to the knee. When I didn’t move away she carried on up my inner thigh, “Mmm,” she said, “your legs are really smooth.”

She pushed the fabric all the way up to my waist and ran her fingers up and down my inner thighs. It felt amazing. She gently pushed me back into the seat and held my face in her hands. She traced a finger along my upper lip and then across the lower one. “Lick your lips,” she said. As I did so she slipped a finger into my mouth and my instinctive reaction was to suck it. I don’t know why it happens but my vagina reacted to that sensation with a massive contraction – so much so that it made my upper body move.

She took her now wet finger and ran it over one of my already hard nipples. I groaned and put my head back. As I did so I made eye contact with the driver again. This time he licked his lips. I though of Bob doing that and got more turned on.
My companion then pulled up my shirt to see what impact her actions were having on my breasts. They were all goosepimply with arousal and she leaned down and took one nipple into her mouth and sucked on it gently. That made me moan louder – it was delicious.

At this point I had given control to my companion - she could feel and hear me getting more excited and so must have realised that I was the submissive and willing partner. She moved her attention to my legs and pressed one hand against my mound, “Open your legs wider,” she ordered. They responded of their own volition. “Good,” she said as she pulled my knickers down. I arched my bum away from the seat so she could do this and as I did so my body shuddered in anticipation.
She brushed fingertips against my labia and slipped a finger into my slit to feel my clit. She nodded as she found it was already hard and wet.

She said to me, “You want it, don’t you?” When I nodded my reply she said, “After me…… you have give me an orgasm first.”

She pushed me off the seat so that I was kneeling on the floor in front of her, my back to the camera and the driver’s gaze. My skirt was tucked up around my waist so I was naked from there on down.

She pulled up her skirt to reveal a neat Brazilian barely covered by a lacy thong. She pulled the lace to one side and opened her legs fully – I could see her clit was fully erect, the pink tip protruding from a darker hood. Bob would be having a good view of this as well – I wondered if he was comparing us.
She grasped my head and pulled me towards her. To reach her I had to come up on all fours giving those watching a very clear view of my secret places. Bob had never photographed me so the view he was getting now would be a first –the camera has a powerful lens so for all I knew my clit or vagina could be filling the screen. That was a massive turn on for me – I had a shudder that would have been only too visible, I could feel my juice flooding out and wicking its way across my skin.

As my head was thrust into my companion’s lap I felt her clit press on my lips. I opened my mouth and started to suck gently. She responded by thrusting strongly against me. “Put your tongue in my vagina,” she ordered and as I did so she increased the pace and depth of the thrusts and held my head firmly so my tongue would penetrate to its full depth and she could grind her clit against my face. I could hear her groans and feel her vagina getting engorged. Gradually the taste and viscosity of her juice changed as she approached her orgasm.

What I wasn’t really aware of was that my body was showing changes of its own. My vagina and all the skin around it had gone darker as blood filled all the vessels near the surface, my clit was really hard and stuck up clear of my outer labia and from time to time the vaginal and urethral muscles would spasm to cause both to open wider.

The taxi driver had abandoned driving and was watching both of us avidly. Finally he decided that being a spectator wasn’t enough and he opened a door to slide in to sit on the floor beside me. This meant he could reach to touch me but also be able to see at close hand what was happening to me.
The first I knew of this was a breeze across my vulva and my breasts being stroked. I could do nothing about this as I was clamped in place on my companion’s pussy and she was riding me to her orgasm.

Suddenly all hell broke loose as she orgasmed – shuddering, squealing and juice everywhere. I sucked and licked – it was so sweet. But the driver’s actions were making themselves felt and were adding to my arousal. He moved back, reached between my legs, gently took my clit between his finger and thumb and started to roll it.

That was it – I was gone. The ripples started in my vagina and spread out like those in a pond – forwards to my clit and backwards to my anus. The muscle spasms forced the juice out in spurts as my vagina and urethra opened and closed. The taxi driver jerked back in surprise as he got showered – juice landed on his shoulder as well my handbag.

“That was a better tip than I was expecting,” he said to me as we reached my destination. He handed me my handbag, not realising that the whole journey was on record….

My companion winked at me, from behind his shoulder; she, Bob and I make a great team.

Another idea from Bob

2009-07-08T18:15:00.002+01:00

By the lake…

We’d agreed to meet at the lake to watch the 4th of July fireworks but Bob had a special request – that I start without him and he would be watching but from where I wouldn’t be able to see him - only a short distance away – to protect me.

I might be weird but I have to confess that I find the idea of being watched and not knowing really hot.

We have a special place we often go to – secluded but at the shoreline. Here the grass is short but thick and lush – great for putting the rug on.

I was to strip off and play with myself until Bob joined in. To raise the anticipation Bob suggested that I keep my eyes closed and he wouldn’t say anything – just like being strangers. I knew I could trust him, ‘cos Bob is a reliable kind of a guy.

The fireworks were due to start at 9 pm – as dusk was falling – so I arrived at our place at 7 pm. Bob had already been there as the rug was laid out and the white wine was cooling in the ice bucket. ‘What a sweetie,’ he’d splashed out and bought some imported Chablis – my favourite.

I looked around but couldn’t see him – but I knew he wouldn’t be far away.
I knelt on the rug and started to caress my breasts – I knew Bob would really enjoy that. I got an ice cube from the wine cooler and rubbed my nipples through my shirt. This made them really stand out – it felt great as though there was a string from each nipple to my pussy and as I applied the ice it pulled the strings. I ran the cube around my areolas until they puckered and the whole area tingled. It felt amazing and was really turning me on.

I pulled my shirt over my head – I knew Bob would love this as it makes my breasts look even bigger. The ice really firmed them up and they were really sensitive. There was a slight breeze blowing and this caressed my breasts – making me even hornier.
I wanted to tear off the rest of my clothes but I’d promised Bob a show so instead I worked my short skirt up my thighs so my knickers were visible. I spread my thighs so the crotch of my knickers could be seen and Bob would have a good view.
At that point I heard a rustling in the bushes and I thought Bob might be changing position to get a better view. I hoped he was on the lookout for poison ivy as I assumed he would be stroking his big cock by now.
Yumm, that was a lovely thought that was getting me even hotter – and wet – I could feel the juice starting to soak though my knickers and knew there would be a damp patch visible.
I started to scratch a couple of fingernails across the damp patch and it quickly became soaking as my clit started to react to the stimulation. I sucked my fingers – I tasted so sweet. I couldn’t help groaning at this point. I was imagining Bob doing this to me and pictured him slipping his length up me.

I was beginning to get seriously aroused and starting to wonder when Bob was going to join me when I heard quite a loud rustle.

I couldn’t wait, I was so hot and wet….

Things started very gently – I felt air being blown on the back of my neck and down my spine – it was unbelievably arousing and it made me shudder all the way down to my pussy. Then I felt a tongue running up where the air had been blown – this made me arch my back and shudder again. The tongue traced a wet path across my shoulders and down my front – across one breast and down to my waist. The front of my skirt was unbuttoned and the fabric pulled away. Air was blown between my legs and that started such a huge shudder that I lost my balance and sat back. I felt my knickers being pulled down and air blown on my clit – that was so fantastic that I started to convulse – the beginning of my orgasm.
Then it got even better as I felt the tongue tip tickling my tummy and working its way to my slit. I arched up against it and reached heaven as it slipped between my lips, swirled around my clit and dipped into my vagina. I spread my legs as far apart as they would go.
I was nearly at orgasm and begging to be fucked.

“All in good time,” I heard a woman’s voice say. Shocked, I opened my eyes. I hadn’t recognised the voice but immediately knew the face – it was Ellen, Bob’s boss’ wife. She looked up at me from between my legs, gave my clit another kiss and said, ”You looked good enough to eat when we saw you in the restaurant and I’ve been nagging Jim to arrange a get together ever since that night.” She added, “You taste as good as you look – I want to give you an orgasm with my tongue but I wanted you to know it was me.”

I looked beyond her and sure enough there were Bob and Jim, both smiling broadly, dicks at attention.
I could see Ellen had been enjoying being watched as she sucked me – her thighs were wet with her juice and I could see her clit peeping out of her neatly trimmed pussy. She took my hand and put it between her legs and said, “Shall we cum while the boys watch?” As I slid all four fingers up Ellen’s vagina I looked across at Bob. He grinned and winked back, “Go for it,” he said.
I know Bob loves to see me on all fours – he says it gives him a great view of my vagina when I cum – it also means he can see me squirt. So I moved over Ellen and spread my legs so that my knees were level with her ears, as I lowered my face to her pussy I arched my back and this pushed my clit out. She lifted her face to suck it.
Jim whistled and commented, “You were right Bob, what a fantastic view.”

Bob and Jim didn’t have long to wait. Ellen had done such a good job that I started to orgasm almost immediately. Jim hadn’t seen anything like this before and couldn’t stop himself giving a commentary…”Would you look at that.. I can see her vagina opening and closing, I can see the ripples the muscles are making, look at her go – she’s squirting!”
By this point I was bucking and thrusting into Ellen’s face and squealing with passion as I had an earth shattering first orgasm.
It had all been too much for Jim and I felt his cum spatter onto my back. I could see as I looked around that Bob was made of sterner stuff but there was pre-cum all over his fingers – showing he wasn’t that far off.

I wanted to see if I could make Ellen squirt so moved next to her, lifted her knees and then spread her legs as far as they would go. I took her clit in my mouth and started to finger fuck her. She was nearly ready from the good sucking I had been giving her. With my fingers I could feel her orgasm starting to build.
Jim was in seventh heaven as he had a really good view of Ellen’s pussy – he started to encourage her, “Oh yes, darling; let me see your pussy, push up for me, I can see it working, com’on, sweetie,” She began to arch up against my fingers that were thrusting deeply into her vagina. Her muscles were starting to ripple and I could feel her vaginal walls starting to swell against my fingers. I pulled my fingers out and alternately nibbled and pinched her clit instead. This drove her even further towards meltdown. Suddenly she arched her back and screamed “I’m cumming,” everything shuddered and I heard Jim shout, “You are squirting, come on girl; shit - I’m ready for you again.”
At this point it was only Bob who hadn’t cum, I could hear him moaning softly as he stroked his prick. I backed towards him on all fours and pushed myself at him – I know he loves this as he says he can get his cock in really deeply. There was so much pre-cum and juice that it slid it to the hilt in one smooth move. Bob groaned loudly and he started to thrust, gently at first and then more strongly – as he pulled out nearly all the way and then rammed it back in so far that his balls slapped against me. It was fantastic – he was so turned on that his dick completely filled me and I could feel the head pushing past my cervix. As it went in and out the head brushed my G-spot and that set me off. Another orgasm started and my muscle contractions did for Bob, who yelled, “Yes, yes, I’m cumming.”

We collapsed onto the rug just in time to see Jim and Ellen cumming as well, as the rockets painted their pictures in the sky.

This was a fourth of July to remember……

The risks of day dreaming on the train

2009-07-06T19:43:00.002+01:00

I was on the train today, it was very crowded so I stood in a doorway facing the door and away from all the people jammed in behind me. It was going to be a very hot day and so I was wearing a cotton tee shirt with quite a low neck and a flared linen skirt.

Picture it....

I’m day dreaming to take me away from the pain of commuting and my mind goes back to ~M’s blog. She is describing how she gives herself pleasure from playing with another woman. This is a very arousing image and I replay in my mind what she is doing to that woman. It isn’t long before I become that woman and I feel her undressing me on that sofa – her hands firmly but gently pulling the shirt over my head, no words spoken but I know what she wants and I want it too, but I don’t – its weird.

Anyway, in my day dream, I’m now naked and ~M starts to run the tips of her fingers across my tummy, down my legs, up my thighs. At this point I know I’m not supposed to react but I can’t help shuddering a little as the feeling is so delicious. My legs spread, they are controlling themselves or ~M is controlling them – remotely – now that’s really arousing.

She brushes her fingers across my mound and I have to bite my lip not to make a sound, She slips her fingers into my slit and looks hard at me. I know I’m not supposed to be wet but it is so amazing.

She takes off her clothes and we are now both naked. She lies across me and presses her thigh into my pussy, her hand is still there and this presses it even harder onto my clit and some fingers slip up my vagina. The juice just pours out of me now – I look imploringly at ~M as I know that is not what should happen. Only she is supposed to orgasm but I’m so close. I don’t want to anger her but I have no self control when I’m around her.

A noise penetrates my dream….and I feel a breath on my neck. A voice whispers from behind me…. “What a lovely orgasmic blush – let me help you” as I feel fingers insinuating themselves between my upper thighs and past the thong I’m wearing. At the same time I feel another hand slip up my shirt and caress my already engorged nipples.
I can’t separate fantasy and reality as I’m pulled back onto the hand now pinching and squeezing my clit. “What a hot, wet, desperate pussy you have,” the voice says as the hand increases the pressure and speed of its rubbing. I can’t resist, all I want now is an orgasm and I’d probably do anything to have one.
Fingers slip up my vagina as a thumb continues to pull and push the hood of my clit. At this point I’m gone and I start to thrust back onto the fingers up my willing vagina as the juice flows down my thighs. I moan as my orgasm overtakes me. I shudder and my vaginal spasms grip the fingers fiercely. Suddenly the fingers are withdrawn and I realise that the train has reached its final station stop and is beginning to empty of passengers.

I leave the train rather shakily – still none the wiser about my benefactor. Could it be ~M having taken pity on me or was it a man who really understood about what visual signs women give about their arousal.
I will have to be more careful when I day dream… or should I?

I try to remember which carriage it was, so I can choose or avoid it next time....

What would you do?

Big Bob watches and plays……?

2009-06-18T00:24:00.002+01:00

Bob and I have been getting on really well – he sends me pictures…. which is great. This is his idea……

This takes place at Bob’s favourite restaurant. Unfortunately he lives 4 hours from the coast – so its not freshly caught soft shell crab cakes as the special.

We go to the restaurant quite often and so we get a stall at the back – with long bench seats set in a U shape. It’s pretty private, except for another stall on the opposite side of the room.

We were there last night, both of us feeling randy – Bob’s been away on business rather a lot lately – more's the pity….

I was wearing my favourite dress – slinky black velour with a fitting top and flared skirt. It is a very sensual fabric; it slithers across your skin. I know I look good in it – so good in fact that I can make Bob get a hard on just by rubbing the fabric up and down on my knee; and he’s quite a picky bloke.

We were seated before the evening rush began, Bob was in a playful mood and proposed a bet. As usual I agreed – I’m a control freak but there’s something about Bob’s bets – they are risky but I know I’m safe with him – and he knows how far he can push it….
I know I complain about him sometimes – he can be a bit of a Homer around the house – but he’s a diamond geezer.

Anyway – the bet is – enough said – I lost – I always do, I don’t know how he manages it….

My forfeit was to take off my knickers and drop them on the floor, by the table. I kissed Bob to show that just this time I would do what he asked. He took the opportunity to stroke my knees – he knows that I love that – and he whispered in my ear, “And when the waiter bends down to pick them up give him a flash of your pussy.”
I find it really sexy to be whispered to, it tickles my ear and makes me shiver – so I was already in the mood for a little naughtiness.

I did as he asked. My knickers were white silk French ones – with frilly legs. So they slipped off easily. I put them on the table and as the waitress came over I pushed them on to the floor. She bent down, as I knew she would and I quickly lifted my dress, spread my legs and started to finger myself – she would have had a grandstand view. She shot upright and licked her lips as she caught my eye and handed the knickers to me. I smiled a long slow smile at her as I put my fingers in my mouth.

Her voice came out as a squeak as she asked us for our drink order. Fortunately Bob did not do his usual thing and ask for a ‘long slow comfortable screw against the wall’ – we had imported beers. She hurried off and a short time later the waiter arrived – this time he dropped his cloth and I gave him a quick show. He took longer to stand up and Bob gave him a wink.

The two shows turned me on big time and I was starting to get a little wet. Bob already had a hard on as he could see me in all my glory (naked from the waist down) from his vantage point next to me on the bench seat.
He added to my arousal by leaning over and gently stroking my nipples.

It was then that I noticed the stall across the room was occupied by a couple a little older than us. The man waved at us and Bob waved back. “That’s Jim, he’s my new boss,” he said, “he’s great.” I waved to the wife and she smiled broadly.

I wondered how long they had been there; they didn’t look shocked so I assumed they had just got there.

Our meal arrived, Bob’s favourite – filet steak, baked potato with sour cream and chives and a side salad, I had New York strip as the place didn’t have a seafood alternative. We chose a Duplin burgundy, as we both like soft red wine with beef.

We suspended the bet until we had eaten the meal. But with coffee it was back on with a vengeance. I rolled up my dress as the waiter came to clear our plates – to his credit he didn’t drop anything but I could see that controlling his erection was making it difficult for him to walk normally.

I said to Bob that I needed to use the loo and went towards it. I passed the waiter outside and he winked at me – I smiled back – enigmatically I hoped. The waitress was washing her hands, I stood beside her at the washbasin, she looked into my eyes in the mirror. She reached up and stroked me behind the ear very softly. I gasped, it was arousing and I couldn’t help leaning towards her. She turned me to face her. As she kissed my mouth I trembled with excitement. She put her tongue in her mouth and I was surprised but it only took me an infinitesimal amount time before I responded by sucking on it. That opened the floodgate for me – she pulled me towards her and pressed my mound through my dress as she kissed me deeply. As she let go and pulled back I groaned. I was incapable of independent action.
She took my hand and led me back to our table.

She sat down in the corner of the U and pulled me next to her. Bob was sat at the opposite end and could see both of us clearly

She lifted my skirt and stroked my inner thighs – I was so wet and excited I open my legs as far as they would go – Bob chuckled – showing his delight at the show. She pushed her hand into my slit and started to work my clit. I rested against the back of the bench and pushed my pussy forwards to give her better access. As I did so I noticed that the couple sitting opposite were looking intently at me – that turned me on even more and I started to thrust my pussy at her hand. She got the message and slid 4 fingers, through the gathering juice, up my vagina. Her thumb rubbed my swollen clit as her fingers gave me a good fucking. I passed the point of no return and started to thrust back in earnest. She had her hand jammed between her legs, under her uniform. Bob wanted to be part of the action and had slid along the bench to rub my breasts. I pulled his head down so he could suck my nipples. It was very short time to my orgasm and Bob acted swiftly – he stuffed a napkin in my mouth so I wouldn’t draw attention to us by screaming the place down – I have very noisy orgasms.

This was my trigger, his permission for me to let go.

That orgasm was mega – the full shuddering, convulsing, squelching, juice-squirting event. I fell against our waitress and kissed her cheek. As she took her hand from my pussy Bob leaned over me and licked my juice off it.

While he did this I glanced over at the other stall to see Bob’s boss, his wife and the waiter looking on at us with broad smiles on their faces. Jim’s wife applauded quietly. At that point she wrote something on a napkin and motioned for the waiter to bring it over to our table.

The message said, “That was lovely, my dear, I hope you will let us join in next time – we loved it so much the meal is on us – please accept. P.S. there’s a big tip for the waitress for such excellent service.”

I looked back, smiled and nodded.

I could sense that Bob was ready to leave for home – he was like a bear with a sore head if he had to wait too long to give me a good fucking. I fully expected to have to wear the waitress uniform when I got home.

That is one restaurant we will be going back to…….

Watched and watching…

2009-06-16T14:56:00.002+01:00

Last night an amazing thing happened….
I had been discussing various aspects of a story on my blog – with the person it was intended for.
We got around – quite quickly – to the bits I had found arousing – my answer was immediate and clear – being watched by a third party during a sex act.

We explored that idea for a while and I confessed to getting wet just thinking about what I had written – at some distance from that writing – I didn’t re-read it for example.
The other person turned the conversation to my arousal and suggested re-enacting the story with a slight twist.

I was feeling really turned on and so I agreed.

The scenario was proposed by my correspondent and the story commenced – it was very hot ….
The correspondent is watching, I’m being stroked by a third person.

Shit… I’m getting wet just writing this….. no hope for me…

And that was it – two messages and I’m gone. I couldn’t cope with my arousal. I signed off with some drivel about having a meeting the next day. I immediately went to bed and had the most amazing masturbation.

What was fascinating was that, during this experience, the third party has disappeared. My overwhelming feeling - I was being watched by the correspondent, my masturbation was a performance solely for that person.

I imagined that I was being told – “X is watching you” – every time that went through my head I had a vaginal spasm and all the muscles contracted.

This was my performance….

“I can see you watching,

I’m rubbing my clit for you, when I tense my leg muscles my hips rise and that pushes my clit up between my fingers.

“You can see my vaginal opening and the juice coming out.

“You can see that I’m making little thrusting movements by tensing my legs.

“You can see the pre-orgasmic sexual flush moving up my breasts to my neck.

“You can see me using two fingers, one above the other below my clit. That I am moving those fingers a bit like walking.

“You can hear my ragged breathing and me speaking your name.

I’m also imagining that this person is imagining watching me, as we have just ended the chat and that was an amazing turn on.

Then the watcher says…. “ Cum for me, just for me, now.” and I have 4 gut wrenching, shuddering orgasms.

The genders of the people involved seem to be irrelevant – so what does that say about me? – apart from being as randy as a tic!

And by the way, I had repeat performances – at dawn and just before I got up this morning,

Revisiting my sexuality

2009-06-15T20:20:00.002+01:00

I was brought back to the reality of the question of my sexuality again today - by a trip to the city. May be this was brought on by thinking about this fantasy......

This is for a lively lady who has been courageous enough to talk to me about her fantasies. They are delicious and have been the inspiration for the following story. This was wonderful to write – I got wet instantly and I’m the same way now – my clit is hard and my vagina is swollen. I keep having those amazing contractions of my vaginal muscles that go forward to my clit, back to my anus and up my vagina to my tummy button – they also make me groan out loud – so I have to be careful who is listening.

I digress – it happened today on the train. I was sitting in a double seat behind a young woman working on her laptop. She had a loose silk blouse over a cotton T-shirt. As she worked I could see her upper body reflected in her computer screen. She typed away for a while with both hands – then she stopped, thinking about what she had written, I expect. As she mused, she scrolled up and down the document and I noticed that she was gently rubbing her breast . Only I could see this as her hand was hidden from passers-by by her blouse. Her nipple hardened as I watched – she never even knew I was there. That was delicious and I had to press my thighs together to stop the tingling – I had a massive shudder/contraction seeing that.

Today was also a good day for short skirts – best ever – white broderie anglaise lace mini skirt with thigh high black suede boots – I nearly followed her off the train to watch her go up the escalator. What a treat - bare legs, black suede and white lace.

Anyway back to the story…

I’ve started going to the gym and working out. I’m lucky that my husband’s company have a gym for staff in their main building and wives can use it. I usually go in the daytime, as it is quieter.
Last Monday I had done a work out and was getting undressed to have a shower.
The changing room is fairly spartan – benches to sit on, hooks for towels and clothes, basins with large mirrors over and large shower cubicles with glass doors – so it’s all in together.

I had taken off all my clothes prior to having a shower. I was hot and sweaty; I had had a good workout – rowing machine, treadmills and weights. I might not have drunk enough water, as I was feeling a bit thirsty.
Still, I felt that warm tingly satisfaction of having got all the muscles working. As I put my towel around my shoulders to go to the shower I was suddenly hit by cramp in my left thigh.

It was agony and I yelped. There were two women in the changing room with me, and they both came over to see what was wrong. “Cramp,” I said pointing to my thigh.
One of them said, “Would you like me to help – I’m good at massage.”

“Oh, yes, please,” I groaned. I had forgotten I was naked…….I was in such pain.

She sat on the bench in front of me and gripped my thigh firmly – “Is that the place?” she asked.

I nodded.

She started to kneed my flesh, she pressed really hard to get the blood flowing to take the damaged muscle cells away, she alternated hard pushes with soft strokes. It was this that I suddenly became aware of. My mound was level with her face and about only 18 inches from it.

As the pain lessened my arousal grew. She was stroking my inner thigh about 2 inches from my sex.

“Are you OK?” she asked “only you are looking a bit spaced out.” She glanced up at her friend who had been watching the whole thing intently.
“What do you think, B?” she enquired. Her friend nodded.

I mumbled that I was fine but that the pain was a bit difficult to cope with. She took this as a request to carry on with the massage.

She said, “I think I’ll need to loosen the muscles above and below this area – are you OK with that?”

Again I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

She started to stroke and rub the muscles above my knee, then carried on pushing and stroking up my thigh. She brushed her hand against my labia and I jumped and shuddered – she clearly wasn’t aware of what she had done, but it was too much for my fevered body – a standing wave started at my clit and went back through my vagina. I whimpered. My juice started to leak out. My nipples stood up and I started to get that pre-orgasmic blush on my breasts and neck.
By this time I was trembling. I glanced overt to the mirror over the washbasin – I could see myself in profile – “Shit,” I thought, “I can see my clit sticking out between my labia.”

I looked back to B, she returned my glance and licked her lips. She looked down at my mound. She knew how aroused I was.

She must have taken that as a sign as she leaned over and squeezed my shoulder quite hard. That has always been a trigger for me – there must be a nerve ending that links to my vagina because as she gripped me I was hit by a huge jolt that went to my very core.
This completed the chain reaction, juice oozed out down my leg to where J was rubbing me. She paused for a second, and put her wet finger in her mouth and sucked gently and thoughtfully.
She looked up at me and said, ”Oh, you really need it don’t you?”

I shuddered and jolted, she was right, I was incredibly turned on, I wanted….what did I want… I was shocked… I wanted/needed.
/had to have her mouth on my clit and her tongue up my vagina.

I unconsciously leaned towards her. She took that as an affirmative and ran her finger along the dent between my labia, grazing my clit with her finger as she went.

I groaned and opened my legs as far as they would go. She bent forward and gently licked my clit.

I groaned, ”Yes, oh, yes.”

She took that as an instruction to go further and her thrust her tongue up my vagina. She alternated between tongue and fingers as I spasmed, thrust and shuddered with pleasure.

J sensed my orgasm wasn’t far off and speeded up the thrusting. I shuddered and tensed all my leg muscles. This pushed my clit even further into her mouth. I couldn’t help it I put my hands over her ears and pulled her face into my sex. I ground my clit into her face. This pushed me up and over the edge.

I screamed, “I’m cumming, I’m cumming” and squirted juice all over her hands and T-shirt.

As I finished thrusting she gently licked my juice off her hands.

“Feeling better now? she asked….

She motioned to B and said “Time for our shower I think.” B nodded and they left me to wipe myself down and get cleaned up.

I wasn’t sure what to say to them when I saw them later – they sensed I was embarrassed and B said “I expect we’ll see you here next week.”

I nodded already thinking about the return match…..

Himself Surprised

2009-06-11T16:50:00.002+01:00

This isn't an homage to Joyce Cary although most of us have conflicting elements that make up our personality. I'm getting to grips with exploring those conflicts here.

I might have to ration myself to one fantasy per day. Road testing this and the previous story led to me masturbating 3 times in 4 hours - which meant I have had very little sleep....

I probably wouldn't have attempted that weren't it for a certain new friend who teased and aroused me last night to the point that nearly had me screaming for release.

Having said that I really enjoyed writing this one - I'm finding that humour and sex go together - a bit obvious really when you think about the design of the parts involved!

Himself Surprised...

Dru was travelling across London, on his way to a short sabbatical at University College. He was looking forward to meeting the team and tapping into some of their research projects.
He was on the Piccadilly line, having just left his suitcase at Acton, in the small flat he had rented for the duration.
He planned to get off at Russell Square and revisit the park there, before continuing on foot to Tavistock Square – he remembered the place with nostalgia – this is where he kissed his first English girl.

He was far away in his reverie when a movement to his left caught his eye. He was sitting in the seat nearest the double doors and there was a glass plate between him and the standing area. The carriage was very crowded and people were pressed up against the glass.

The movement he saw rocked him back in his seat – a man’s hand was insinuating itself up the skirt of a young woman – just 6 inches away from him. By turning his head he had a grandstand view.

In order to access the flesh under the skirt, the hand pushed the skirt upwards – such was the press of bodies that the fabric stayed where it was and revealed a rather small, white lace thong, showcasing a beautifully executed Brazilian trim.

Dru watched in fascination as the hand slid the flimsy fabric to one side to invade the delights there. One finger penetrated the labia and he could see the movement focus on one small area. The woman’s legs moved apart and the area he could see increased – it was possible to make out not only a pert clit, but the promise of tight vagina further in.
By this time there were two fingers rubbing the clit and as he watched he saw it harden and swell.
Dru was totally absorbed in the scenario unfolding before him. He found it deliciously arousing – he had to adjust his penis a couple of times so it wouldn’t make his briefcase float above his lap.

He couldn’t believe it, he could see the woman’s juice oozing out around the fingers, it was so close that if the glass hadn’t been there he would have been able to taste it by just bending his head. Little muscles spasms seemed to be rippling out from her pink clit – shining and shimmering as the juice reflected the light in the carriage. She started to move her sex towards the fingers and the glass, this made them slide up her vagina, he could see the muscles open and close around them. The fingers started to pump inside her vagina – he could see more juice was coming out – it started to pool where the hand touched the glass at the end of each stroke. He could see her beginning to tremble and quiver.

What a treat, to see two people pleasuring each other on the way to work - no wonder he liked England!

He could see the woman’s face in profile – but couldn’t see the expression on her face – he imagined the pleasure and arousal she might be showing. Just then the carriage lurched as the train approached a station. The woman turned her head and Dru was able to look up into her eyes – he was shocked to see tears there – she mouthed at him, “Help me, help me…please.”

Without thinking of the consequences Dru leaped from his seat. As the carriage doors opened he barged through the crowd, collected her slight body around the waist and holding his briefcase like a battering ram, forced his way onto the platform.
He stood with his arms around her and looked to see if he could spot the perpetrator. Satisfied that he wasn’t going to be challenged, he turned to the small crowd that were waiting for the next train and explained that the woman had been assaulted and was feeling faint. The crowd parted to allow him to lead the woman away to sit on a bench on the platform.

She was stunning, dark red hair and very pale skin – she’d burn easily in the sun, he thought. She looked up at him, her green eyes made luminous by the tears.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“It was a pleasure,” Dru replied – in more ways than one, he thought guiltily; recalling her wet clit framed by the Brazilian and the lace.

She got to her feet, “I must go now – I’m late for work.” With that she managed to get through the crowd onto the next train – Dru reached down to get his briefcase and by the time he had, the train doors were closing – taking her away from him.

He was devastated and completely aroused – the pain of rejection and sexual frustration fought for supremacy. He stood forlorn for a moment and then pulled himself together.
He needed to get to University College, but somehow, the idea of revisiting an old romantic haunt had lost its appeal. So he left the station and walked from Covent Garden, up Drury Lane and past the British Museum instead. The pleasure he took from being able to find his way without asking for directions helped him calm down and restore his good humour.

They were all gathered in the lobby. Dick Bellamy, Nick Allen and Chris Boyle he knew well, but there were several people in the research team he hadn’t met before. The Director of the Political Science Department greeted him, “Hi Dru, good to see you again – we’re looking forward to working with you. Most of the team are here – I have allocated a research officer to you, Collette – a really bright spark who will challenge any dated ideas you have,” he laughed as he said this.
“Here she comes now.”

Dru dropped his briefcase, “You!” he said. She looked into his eyes and he saw her plea.
Dick said, “ You dark horse, I might have known you would have already got to work on Collette – typical Yank – over here stealing our women!”

Dru managed a laugh – it sounded a bit hollow to his ears but no one seemed to notice; “We met in Starbucks, when I spilt some coffee on her.”
They all laughed.

They moved off as a group and Dru fell in beside Collette. “Are you OK?” he asked. She nodded and whispered, “I’m sorry I ran off, I wanted to stay and thank you, but I was so ashamed of what you had seen.”

Dru squeezed her arm, “Don’t worry, I have forgotten it ever happened.”
She glanced down at his trousers, “Are you sure?” she said. He followed her eyes and saw his penis was just beginning to show its arousal.

“Oops, I need a cold shower,” he said.
“I can think of something much nicer,” she whispered.

He was surprised at her manner – hadn’t he rescued her?

She saw his face and laughed – “You really fell for it, didn’t you! Some of the research team had a bet about this. They dared me and another researcher to do a sexual role-play on the train to see if we could fool you into acting the knight-errant. Trouble was I got a bit carried away – in more ways than one.”

“You have a terrible reputation as a hot stud – I really got off on you seeing me – you saw how wet I got – I really wished the glass hadn’t been there……”

“But the tears,” he said. She smirked, ”All crocodile, I’m ashamed to say – though I did find some of the expressions on your face hilarious – so some would have tears of laughter, sorry I’m such a tease.”

She turned to another researcher and said, “Meet Rachel, my partner in crime, its OK she has washed her hand!”

Rachel had a firm handshake – and large hands. She winked at him and he realised they both shared a desire for Collette.

“We are sharing an office, so let’s go and settle in,” Collette said. Rachel winked again and Dru realised that Collette must be bisexual.

He made it to the office without tripping over his feet, although it was challenging to walk normally whilst trying to restrain an 8-inch boner with his briefcase.

As he shut the door to their office, Collette fell on him. “If I hadn’t left when I did I might have torn off your clothes on the platform, I was so horny, look at me,” she said and pointed to her pussy. He could see her clit peeking through her labia and that her juice had spread down her thighs.

“I had to throw my thong away it was ruined.”

Dru was in seventh heaven, he sunk to his knees in front of her and tasted her juice. It was so sweet.
He had been going to ask if this would be all right, but she gave her answer by pressing his face into her snatch. She started to move against him and that opened her labia giving him full access to the place he had seen through the glass. He nibbled her clit and then snaked his tongue into her vagina and she gave a little squeak.
“That is so good,” she gasped, “I hoped you would live up to your reputation.”
She pulled off her dress and sank to the floor with him. She pushed him back and sat astride him. “Can I have the first go on top?” she asked, “I do so like to ride.”
He could only nod – he was speechless at his luck. She slid down onto his prick, taking his full length in one slick move. It was incredible, it took all his self control not to cum there and then.
She moved slowly at first, rotating and thrusting gently, giving his penis time to explore the sides of her vagina. He felt her juice start to flow onto his body. He reached up to cup her breasts in his hands – rubbing her nipples with his thumbs. She threw her head back and shuddered.
Her thrusts increased in speed and depth, his prick went past her cervix – he could feel it bottoming out high up inside, next to her womb. Her muscles were beginning to clench around his dick – creating the most amazing feeling – as though every skin cell on his prick was in contact with her. She started to pant and buck. This must have made the shaft of his penis stimulate her G spot as she squealed, I’m cumming, I’m cumming.”
All her vaginal muscles contracted at once and she started to shudder and twitch. The juice squirted out onto his tummy and started to slide down his hips.
He couldn’t hold back and he took over the thrusts. He felt the tide of his orgasm rise and he groaned, “Oh yes,” as he jolted again and again. His cum squirted out to fill her upper vagina. She shrieked and had another massive orgasm, her body whipping back and forth.

She slid off him and snuggled up against his chest. “That was lovely, can we do it again soon, boss?”

“We have the whole semester to improve our communication skills,” he chuckled.

Talk about cementing Anglo-American academic relations, maybe a threesome might be on the cards….

This is for Big Bob

2009-06-11T16:34:00.007+01:00

Hi Bob - this is to thank you for being so complementary about my fantasies and for taking the time to contact me with feedback. I really appreciate it - and of course I find it an amazing turn on knowing people are reading this. I have taken liberties with your scenario - you wanted me tied up and I needed some girl on girl action. I hope you find it as exciting as I did when I road tested it......

Collette gets a shock…..

Collette had been cleaning the house – she made an extra effort when Bob was on his business trips – so the house would look welcoming when he got back.

It was the middle of the afternoon, on a warm North Carolina day. Collette decided that she had earned a nap. She locked the doors and went up to her bedroom.
She had one of those eyeshades you get as a freebie in Business Class on the plane. She put that on to block out some of the bright sunlight streaming through the curtains.

She lay on the bed, on top of the covers as it was so warm. She started to daydream about Bob and what they would get up to when he got back. She was sure he masturbated while he was away – he had a nice big cock, with its foreskin intact – and he always made sure that she had an orgasm that first night back from a trip.
Thinking about Bob having a wank made her feel horny – she hadn’t had sex for 4 days and the pressure was beginning to build. Almost without conscious thought her fingers pulled up her skirt and slipped into her panties. “Oooh,” she thought, that was sublime.
Her fingers moved faster, teasing and pushing her clit, making it get harder. Her arousal was growing - marked by the presence of juice sliding forward from her vaginal opening. She arched her hips against her hand to increase the delicious sensations.

She thought she heard a slight noise, but knowing all the doors were locked dismissed it.
Suddenly she felt a hand press down on her mouth and another on her throat. The hand on her mouth was replaced by a finger that when placed on her lips signalled that she should remain quiet. She nodded to signal she understood and would be quiet, and the hand moved away. She couldn’t hear or see anything – she was really scared – didn’t want to think about what might happen.

She felt fingers moving softly over her, unbuttoning her shirt and skirt. Fingers softly stroked her breast teasing the nipples into little hard peaks, leaving a trail burning into her skin. The hands tried to spread her legs, but she resisted. She heard a woman whisper, “Don’t fight it.”

Her physical reaction was immense, she moaned as her vagina convulsed. Her most treasured fantasy was about to be fulfilled.

She spread her legs inviting the soft hands to do their job.

She was a bit disconcerted when nothing happened immediately. She arched her back and hips to push her sex into the air to signal she was ready to be pleasured. The wait made her even hotter, she moaned and shuddered.
Just as she was beginning to question whether she had been left she felt a warm breath on her neck and a tongue tickling her behind the ear. The tongue trailed down her neck, across her breast, stopping to nibble a nipple and then down across her navel to her bush.
She arched her hips again and spread her legs further apart – she thought she heard someone else in the room but couldn’t think who that could be and relaxed feeling safe with this unknown woman who was doing such a good job of turning her on.
The tongue moved to her thighs and ran up and down the inside of both, coming tantalisingly close to her sex.
“Please,” she gasped, “lick me.”

It was wonderful and immediately the tongue was on her clit and running back and forwards from her clit to her vagina. She arched, squirmed and moaned. This was heaven. The tongue penetrated her vagina and explored all her little nooks and crannies. This invasion became more insistent and she let the waves of pleasure flow over her. Her juice was running in earnest now – it would have pooled under her on the bed.

Suddenly fingers joined the tongue on the assault on her snatch. She felt her arousal ramp up a gear. The fingers were now thrusting up her vagina and she rose to meet each thrust. The waves of muscle contraction intensified the feelings of pleasure she ws getting from this. The fingers found her G spot and started to work it, her orgasm was building.

She gasped, ”I’m cumming, don’t stop.” One more thrust of the fingers and she was gone – screaming and writhing it was so amazing. Her juice spurted out over the hand moving inside her. She shuddered and jolted.

She felt a soft kiss on her lips and then slipped into a delicious post-orgasmic sleep.

She awoke some time later and was alone. She might have thought it was all a dream except that she found a rose on her pillow.

Three days later Bob got back – Collette noticed he seemed a bit subdued. After supper they would usually curl up together with a good glass of wine and share what had happened while they were apart.

This time Bob stayed at the dining table and took a folder out of his pocket. He laid out some photos. “Have a look at these,” he said.

The pictures were of a pretty but mature, blindfolded woman being thoroughly seduced by a younger one. Collette gasped, she realised it was her – she went red and then white and looked at Bob in apprehension.
He tried to look fierce and angry, but couldn’t . He laughed at her reaction, “Did you like my treat… well you are always saying you’d like to see what it was like with a woman.”

“Who,how?” asked Collette.

“On the trip I met a young lesbian and I confided in her about your fantasy – she was only to glad to grant your wish. In return I purchased her air ticket. I decided the best time would be to catch you when you have your afternoon wank.”
“How do you know about that,? she asked.

He winked and smiled.

“You took the pictures,” she said – “so there was someone else in the room.”

“Yes, I was so turned on by you arching your body that I came – that’s what you heard.”

“So you were sitting here wanking?” she said indignantly.

“And what were you doing?”

“Point taken,” she said.

There was ring at the door, as she went to answer Bob said, “By the way I meant to tell you that the treat has two parts."

Collette opened the door and there was the beautiful young woman from the pictures. Hi”, I’m Rachel,” she said as she flung her arms around Collette and gave her a deep kiss.

Collette looked back at Bob, standing with a big hard on, at the table.

“The deal is that I get to watch you two again,” he said.

Rachel refused a drink,. “I’ve got so horny thinking about tonight that I’d like to start as soon as I can, may be we can have one afterwards.”

They went upstairs. Rachel and Collette sat on the bed, while Bob made himself comfortable in an armchair.

Rachel undressed Collette and kissed her gently all over as she did so. Both Collette and Bob found that very arousing.
While Collette laid on the bed Rachel slipped out of her dress and panties to reveal a very lithe and firm body. Collette licked her lips. Rachel joined her on the bed and the two kissed deeply. Then Rachel got up to get some ribbon from her bag. She looked at Bob, who nodded, and then proceeded to tie Collette’s hands and ankles to the 4 posts of the bed so that she was laid out like a starfish. As she was tying each ribbon Rachel placed kisses on the skin. She then climbed up onto the bed and licked Collette gently all over – just avoiding her breasts and sex.

This sensation of touching but not touching turned Collette on amazingly. She got wet and had muscle spasms without a finger being laid on her really sensitive places.

Bob watched intently – he was really getting off knowing that Collette knew he was watching. He showed his arousal – his prick was getting so hard – he couldn’t remember it getting this big, the end was shiny with precum – he wouldn’t be needing Viagra any time soon, he chuckled.

Collette was on a high plateau of arousal, her skin was very sensitive, Rachel only had blow on her breasts to trigger a vaginal spasm. Collette started to beg to be released. Rachel looked to Bob, who shook his head.

“Not yet, sweetie,” Rachel said, as she kissed Collette’s forehead and stroked her hair back from her face.

She bent down and gently suckled Collette's nipples. Then looked back at Bob, “Can I?” she asked. He nodded, swallowing hard.

She climbed over Collette and gently lowered her sex onto Collette’s face – she groaned as she settled her body. Her clit slipped into Collette’s mouth. Bob moved so he could get a closer look at Collette’s pussy. He could see her vaginal opening and clit contracting as Rachel moved on her face. The juice was being pushed out by these contractions – “It won’t be long now,“ Bob thought himself as he caressed his dick – “not too much now – need to pace myself,” he thought.

Collette and Rachel were moaning now. Collette had her tongue up Rachel‘s vagina and was working her G-spot. Suddenly Rachel screamed ,”I’m cumming”, and squirmed on Collette’s face.
Bob could see that Collette was ready to cum and no one had touched her clit yet. He had agreed with Rachel that would be his role this time. They had debated whether it would be better to bring both them off by hand, mouth or penetration.

Each had its merits, Bob thought, but in the end he thought he’d be selfish – and have his orgasm in his favourite way – pounding away up her vagina – he just hoped that Rachel had done her job so Collette would have an orgasm even if his prick couldn’t find her G spot on its own – this had eluded them in the past.

“So fingers crossed,” he said to himself as held himself above her and slid his prick the full length up her now very wet and definitely willing and probably desperate vagina.

She moaned, “Yes, oh, yes, fuck me rigid, Big Bob,” only this time she really meant it – beside herself with arousal.
Bob thrust slowly and then more quickly, watching her face as he did. She was reaching a peak and he could see it – amazing. Collette arched her back and matched his thrusts with those of her own. Together they crashed over the cliff with a mutual orgasm – shuddering, moaning and trembling.

Rachel joined them on the bed and brought herself and Collette to a second orgasm for them both with her fingers, while Bob watched Collette’s pussy while she orgasmed.

“What a lovely treat,” said Collette. “My pleasure ,“ said Bob and Rachel in unison ……

A New Adventure

2009-06-09T14:55:00.007+01:00

This is a first for me. In my journey to see what really turns me I have invited some people, who have made an effort to contact me through Literotica, to suggest situations for fantasies to masturbate to.
So this is the first go at it. My thanks to Siddey65 who has been brave enough to be No.1 - he/she suggested the Bank Manager/Loan Officer who has been spotted on Literotica. I also added a couple of twists of my own - so this story links with others I have already written. Its been road tested and works - but I will have to do some final tweaking as I find it very arousing.....

My current job is Bank Manager at the First National Bank in Little Rockfalls, North Carolina. Part of the role I like best is Loans Officer.

This fateful day I had an appointment with Bernie Baker, who had arranged to talk to me about a loan to help him develop his artichoke growing business

I greeted Bernie and motioned for him to enter my office. I usually wear business suits – lined jacket and straight skirt to the knee, with a silk shirt. I hung my jacket on the back of my office chair and came around the front of my desk to the two chairs I had arranged in front.
I wasn’t able to approve the loan, I had prepared some figures on paper and leant forward to share these with him. My skirt rolled up and I revealed a large amount of thigh. Bernie’s eyes were glued to my thighs and he watched avidly as I pulled my skirt back down. I glanced at him to see his reaction and I saw his eyes narrow as if something had just occurred to him.

He knew that bad news was coming; he put his hand up palm towards me. He said, “You are going to tell me that I’m not making enough to service the loan, aren’t you?
“Well we have a watch just like yours we could offer as collateral.”

“It won’t be just like mine as this is a unique one-off designed by my father, but we could get it valued,” I replied.

His reaction was so marked my heart sank, “Oh, no – it’s starting again,” I said to myself.

“We won’t need to – as you are going to approve the loan – I’m sure you don’t want the town to known their squeaky clean bank manager has appeared in a series of porn DVDs - as the ‘English Rose, Plucked and Pricked’ and writes dirty stories on Literotica. My watch had betrayed me again…. He’s seen....

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=423042

I had no choice, I signed his form, and he left.
Had I got away with it this time?

The next day a letter arrived with a still photo from the first DVD, showing a woman being brought to a very wet orgasm – of me wearing my watch. The note said, “Today at 5 pm, at 5 Acre Field – alone.”

Bernie was waiting for me. I saw to my horror that his son was also there.

He motioned me over to a picnic table – he wanted me to sit on the table with my feet on the bench.
“We want you to enjoy this too, don’t we Junior? So take off your clothes and pleasure yourself like you did with Pervy Pete…"

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=424074

I did as he ordered – and they both looked intently as my naked body emerged from my formal business clothes.
My nipples were already erect from the motion of the silk of my shirt against them as well as the anxiety I was feeling.

I sucked my fingers so they would slide easily across my skin and started to caress my breasts, rubbing gently in circles. The skin goose bumped and my breasts became firmer. I couldn’t help it; I was beginning to get aroused – betrayed by my body. I softly stroked around my tummy button. I opened my legs to stroke further and used my nails to tease the skin on my inner thighs. The touch of my fingers created a burning trail across my skin. I was becoming seriously turned on – my shoulders and back shuddered.

The feeling extended deep into my sex, the vaginal walls pulsed with pleasure and the juice started to ooze.

“Hey, look Pop,” said Junior, “she getting all wet and hasn’t touched her clit yet – she’s one hot chick.”

I had to rub my clit then – it was hurting it was so swollen – I moaned with the intense sensation. I couldn’t stop – and by this time I didn’t care they were looking – I just had to finger fuck myself. This started the build up to my orgasm. I rocked on my hand, at the edge of the table.

I felt my arm grabbed and my hand pulled away from my sex. I opened my eyes to see Junior, with his fly open, his cock out, standing proud. It was immense, a brown-pink shaft with a glistening purple head, it seemed to have a mind of its own – it twitched and jumped.

“There you go, Junior, get stuck in lad,” Bernie said, “I’ll have my go after you. I’ll take some pictures for the album for your acting audition.”

Junior pulled my bum to the edge of the table and put his hand on my pussy. He gathered some juice and smeared it on his cock and worked it a little.

“Don’t waste it, boy,” his father said.

“But it feels so good, Pa,” Junior replied – but he did as he was told.
He rubbed his prick up and down my slit – “Shit, that felt good, “ I thought to myself.
He then pulled me onto his cock; he braced his legs against the bench and put his hands on the table either side of me.
Initially he managed to get it in only half way – this was unbelievable and arousing – it felt both hot and smooth as its head hit my cervix and wouldn’t go further. It was thick as well as long and so it completely filled the passage. This meant that as he thrust it created a vacuum that pulled out the juice to drip and pool on the bench below.
At this point I became aware that Bernie was taking digital pictures.

Junior was working diligently to get the head of his meat past my cervix – eventually he managed it, having given my G spot and good rubbing in the meantime – it was now that my body became his slave – my head was in another place as I tried to block out what was happening. He managed to get a couple more inches in as he pushed his dick right up my fornix – this was incredible and I felt my orgasm building. He started to thrust in earnest, shouting as he went, “Cum for me, you slut, show me how much you are gagging to cum.”

Suddenly my orgasm pushed me over that cliff – I became a shuddering, twitching and moaning vagina.
My muscle spasms were very strong and Junior began to shout even louder, “Feel those muscles go, I’m cumming too you horny bitch.”

Bernie whacked him on the back – “Pull out, we need a cum shot that will also show how you pleasured her, pull out.”

Junior was gone – Bernie had to put his shoulder to Junior's chest and push him off, they both groaned – Bernie, from the effort and his son from coitus interruptus. Junior stood back and started to milk his huge cock. He shouted as it began to pump cum all over me – ropes and strings of mucus that hit and slid down my face and breasts. Junior thrust his hips as he worked out the last of it, while Bernie made a full record of the event.

Junior had hardly finished cumming when Bernie pushed him out of the way – “My turn, son,” he said to Junior and, “prepare to go to heaven,” to me.

He released his penis from his trousers. “You can see Junior got his gift from my side of the family,” he leered. It was even bigger than his son’s, the precum was beginning to ooze out of the end and he spread it over the head with his fingers. He pushed the head between my lips and said, “Give me a good sucking now, do ya hear.”
I sucked like mad to try to stop it going down my throat. He rammed against my back teeth – the contact seemed to please him. He groaned and said, “I’ll have my reward now.”
He flipped me round so I was kneeling on the bench with my tits on the table. He slid the head of his dick into my vagina and pushed hard. I screamed – it was too big. He thrust a couple of more times and gradually the pain turned to something else – a pleasure so deep and delicious that this time even my mind couldn’t deny it. I wanted to be fucked stupid. I wanted that vaginal orgasm.
Then my second orgasm hit – a full rippling, gut wrenching, juice squirting, screaming vaginal event. He had to grip my hips to stop me bucking him off. He didn’t even pause as he carried on thrusting to his own arousal rhythm.

“Hot diggity damn, “ he shouted, “who’d have thought the bank manager would have such a hot cunt.”
I was shuddering as I approached my third orgasm. Bernie’s shouts joined mine as he shot a full load up my hole.
As he pulled out I stood up slowly, juice and jizz combining forming a slick that oozed down both thighs.
Junior started to move in, his huge erection only too visible. “I can see you want to practise what you have learnt from your Pa’s techniques,” Bernie said, “but you’ll have to wait, maybe next time we could use the back door.” Junior nodded and licked his lips.

Bernie slapped me on the arse – “It’s a pleasure doing business with you, Collette – we’ll be into see you next month with the first instalment of the loan.”

I nodded weakly – maybe things wouldn’t so bad this time……..

.

Taking control

2009-06-07T15:58:00.004+01:00

I was sent an email outlining the requirements of the activity I had agreed to – the purpose of the activity was to remain undisclosed. I was to be reassured that I would not be asked to do anything that would endanger me, or that I would be unwilling to carry out.

Follow the instructions to the letter – carry on until the next instruction is issued;
Respond to each instruction immediately or the activity will be terminated.

Induction
Set up the two web cams:
One permanently focused on close up;
Second to be wide angled;
Please note both can be controlled (focused) remotely.

Sit in reclining chair with the back semi-upright and the seat extended.

Instructions will be issued using IM; these will be signalled by a tone.

I’m wearing a loose silk blouse and matching skirt – as I sit in the chair I can see myself reflected on the computer screen.

Next message (NM)

Pull your skirt up to your waist
Bend your knees, place your feet on the chair seat and then drop your knees outwards
Do not touch yourself (DNT)

I can see my white lace knickers clearly in the reflection on the screen. This draws the eye to the whole of my genital area. The lace showcases what delights lie behind. I’m a bit nervous – I have agreed to do this for a bet issued by someone I have been exchanging messages with on Literotica – I know him as TallMan60.

NM
Remove all clothes
Sit in knee bent position (BKP)

I immediately do as I’m asked. I can see from my reflection that the position of my legs means that my labia are open wide and my clit, the opening of my urethra and vagina are fully exposed.
With the help of the close up camera, you are the first person ever to see this part of me in such detail.
Not knowing what you look like – that I’m being viewed by an anonymous stranger is peculiarly arousing – partly shameful and humiliating and certainly exciting – that you are being turned on by this?

I stretch involuntarily – this is a form of upper body muscle reaction I get when I’m nervous. These tremors would be visible and probably signal the beginning of my arousal.

NM
Imagine you are stroking your breast and nipples
DNT

I close my eyes and picture my hands, shaped like a spider, tracing my nails across my breasts and nipples. It is a delicious image. They become erect without any physical contact. I feel everything between my legs start to swell. My labia will be going a darker pink, the rest of the skin will be reddening and starting to look puffy. I’m aware of starting to feel aroused.

NM
You may touch (YMT) your breast and nipples

I feel a massive spasm up my vagina on reading this message. This is usually accompanied by the appearance of wetness – I call it my dry to wet point. What is amazing is that this happens before I have touched myself anywhere.
Touching is bliss – every bit as good as I imagined it would be. My nipples tingle, the areolas tighten, go a darker pink and pucker and my breasts become firmer. The skin feels so soft and I seem to be aware of every cell as the nerve endings are triggered by the contact.

NM
DNT

Stopping is agony – I can feel I’m wet between my legs, my clit jolts, I get another vaginal spasm.

NM
Imagine you are stroking your tummy and inner thighs
DNT

This is so arousing – I picture grazing the soft flesh of my tummy and inner upper thighs – how the skin feels – how it tingles. I experience another involuntary stretch – this time I even put my arms in the air. This is accompanied by a shudder that was visible in my reflection.

I feel another vaginal spasm – that would have pushed out more juice. This will be glistening and reflecting the light – and be easily visible. Knowing you can see evidence of my arousal that I cannot verify with my fingers makes me feels a bit vulnerable.
My clit feels engorged and I’m beginning to be aware of a deep ache high up in my vagina.

NM
YMT tummy and inner thighs

This is so delicious; I know I’m wet now. My fingers trail a burning path down and then up the soft skin. I’m getting shivery. I avoid looking at the screen in case I’m looking directly into your eyes and you can see into my soul and know my thoughts.

NM
DNT

Aaaargh.
I have a massive shudder that makes the whole of my upper body tremble. It brings my shoulders away from the chair. My clit retracts, the two openings spasm – there might even have been squirts of fluid as everything contracts so hard.
I moan loudly and put my head right back as I clench my fists.

Ping – let it be you can touch ……

NM
Imagine you are rubbing your clit

Another stretch accompanied by what feels like a standing wave moving from my ovaries, through my uterus and down my vagina. My whole upper body is twitching. I moan as I start to clench my shoulders and move my head from side to side.

NM
STOP
Are you cumming?

I nod my head. I’m in such a state I have heard this question in my head.

NM
Count aloud backwards – from 100 to 1

100, 99, 98, 97, erm. 95, no 96…. I was in a real tizzy now but gradually the exercise was calming my brain down. But I was aware that there was juice everywhere – it must be soaking into the chair by now….., 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and I look at the screen.

NM
Are you cumming?

I shake my head. I’m feeling really weird – like there’s a disconnect between my brain and my body. The nerve endings are on code black – high alert.
I start shivering and I can’t stop. I stat to hunch over, my arms hugging my stomach – the ache inside fills my entire abdomen.

NM
Do you want to cum?

I look at the screen and mouth – “Please.”

NM
Imagine my mouth on your clit and my tongue up your vagina

As I read that message I had the most amazing reaction – I came – the full 9 yards – squirting juice, spasms – it was incredible.

NM
Thank you

Debrief.

I have used this fantasy to masturbate 4 times since getting the idea from a comment TallMan made about control.
The first three were mind blowing, with multiple orgasms. I tried to act on the instructions and that was very successful – it certainly made me much more excited and the touching when it was ‘allowed’ was much more powerful.

In the fourth I tried to do it all in the mind and made this last 3 hours before I had to give in and take myself in hand as it were. The most mind blowing thing was that I almost had a vaginal orgasm.
This is momentous since I have only had one in my life – while studying as a postgraduate student I met a good looking but arrogant guy – we had sex once and I had the orgasm just after he had cum – ignorant bugger thought I was having a fit!
I’m delighted I tried this as it means I can now recognise the difference in arousal between clitoral and vaginal orgasms.

I think I have also worked how to develop control fantasies

Thank you - TM and V

A Star heard my plea

2009-06-06T00:29:00.003+01:00

My mouth is dry - I'm not sure what I'm doing as I'm so wet. The control is being set up - I'm nearly orgasming in anticipation.
My skin in tingling all over - like the feeling you get if you touch a battery with your tongue.

This has been an incredible couple of days - first the hot weather and the delicious images, then having the two reality/fantasy episodes with multiple orgasms.

Then today I told myself to stop being prissy and have a go playing fantasies online at Literotica - TM6 played for a while and it was fun teaching him a little about how to set up a discrete seduction fanstasy based on a crowded subway train - and to his credit he wasn't insisting on being told how large or small my tits are, and laughed at my joke about male SR players having 12 inch dicks.

Then along came V....

She sent me the most amazing story she wrote. This is very arousing - it builds beautifully with lots of imagery. If I ordered a story to have an orgasm then this would be it.

Anyway in the spirit of sharing - and I get off on not knowing who is reading this - a bit like masturbating myself to orgasm on a well lit stage with a dark auditorium. (Now that's an idea for a fantasy....)

.... this is what I wrote to her ...

That is so hot. I get to paragraph 5 – “Your nipples are hard"….. this is so what I want in my control fantasy – you have it bang on the nail. Christ, I’m getting so wet, I'm all shivery and my vagina is giving huge spasms that are making me rock backwards and forwards on my computer chair, I have read it three times now –
I’m lost from here on in, Aaaargh.

This is absolutely amazing - you could have written it for me. The juice from my vagina has soaked through my jeans. I squeeze my thighs together to heighten the feelings.

V – you are a star.

Can I ask you to do something for me?

Would you try a little control fantasy with me?

Maybe along the lines of my blog? Or this story?

And she has said "Yes."

Can you tell if I’m Bisexual?

2009-06-05T17:08:00.003+01:00

I feel I’m on the verge of a break through or sexual melt down.

Why do I think this?
The signal …… my body does things without my mind asking it to – it is reacting with sexual arousal to the presence of other women.

I have been struggling with a question – and until yesterday I didn’t even realise it was THE question.

Am I bisexual?

The evidence would seem to be overwhelming
–an open and shut case, M'lud.

And that is…..

My preferred sexual fantasies – i.e. those that deliver me to the (best) shuddering orgasms are about having sex with women.

But all that is in my imagination – I have never had any real experience
– I’m innocent, M’lud

So how do we prove the case?

Before I jump on the nearest woman I’d like a clearer idea of which way I might jump.

Don’t want to be called a clit tease if it gets to the crunch and I can’t munch…..

With most other questions you’d ask a friend, an intimate or maybe your Mum or Google it.

The essence of the question is….
Does having vivid and satisfying fantasy sex with women mean you are bi-sexual?

Anyone out there who could help me answer that question? – I need an expert!

Chapter 2 – My nearly second lesbian experience

2009-06-05T14:35:00.001+01:00

The signal …… my body does things without my mind asking it to – it is reacting with sexual arousal to the presence of other women.

Same time, same place – next day. Very like yesterday I awoke wet and because I’m a clit addict, my fingers went to that special place and continued the arousal that had started in my unremembered dream.
This time I was much wetter – the place between wet and wetter – that might sound strange but it is what happens when there hasn’t been any external activity to move the juice from inside the vagina forward to the clit. So to create that glorious slipperiness you have to dip your fingers in the heavenly well. I did this and began to get that feeling of concentration of sensation in my vagina – as though that is the only part of my body where the nerve endings are working.
I have that feeling now – writing this.
The next stage is juice flooding everywhere…….. and my clit jolting –its muscles contracting without my control - completely delicious.

I thought this time the mechanical method might bring release. I suppose someone reading this blog might get the impression that I masturbate for the fun of it – not so – I need to do it to release the sexual tension. A bit like needing food to live.

So being able to reach orgasm simply by using one fingers and not needing one’s mind is a very much easier process.

But before that could happen there was another picture. Of my fantasy sexual partner from yesterday – the real woman.
I can tell from what she says that this is our second encounter. She takes my hand and we run to another room. This time she says “Close your eyes”.
When she tells me to open them she is standing very close to me, she takes my head in her hands and kisses me very softly all over my face – including my eyes. Her hands go to my shirt and she pulls it over my head, she unclips my bra and puts it on a chair. She then arches her fingers and with her nails scratches me all over my torso – her nails hardly touch me – she is caressing and teasing me – it is exquisitely arousing.

I tell her that I will have to take my knickers off if I want to wear them for the rest of the day. “In a minute,” she says as she flattens her fingers and the scratching becomes stroking with her fingertips. My nipples are engorged and the whole surface of my breasts is tingling. She runs her fingers down to the top of my skirt.
“Mmm,” she says and unbuttons my skirt, pulls down my knickers and puts them on the chair – like yesterday it feels as though everything is in slow motion and somehow that intensifies the sensations.

She kneels down in front of me and runs her fingers across my pubic hair – her fingers hardly touch me – I can feel each hair triggering a little electric shock as she touches it. Her fingers continue down my outer labia and as they come back she inserts the middle one to kiss my clit as it passes.
She says to me “I want you to tell me how this feels – I want this to be mind blowing.” I know she doesn’t mean the dirty talk, she wants to understand how to pleasure me. That is so touching.

She tongues my clit and I direct her actions – she is right – it is mind blowing – the best sex I have ever had.
I ask her to put her tongue in my vagina and fuck me with it – as she does this I give little thrusts with my hips to signal the speed and depth of her actions. I tell her how amazing it is feeling, what my muscles are doing. This is very special and the first time I have had this rapport with a sexual partner.

My orgasm is building, I can feel my vaginal muscles closing on her tongue. “I want to touch you,” I say and start to pull her up. I kiss all my juice off her face with little licking movements – she kisses me back, deeply with her tongue.
I tell her that it’s not fair that she still has her clothes on – “Well, undress me then,” she replies.I slip off her shirt and plant tiny kisses on her breasts. I go to unzip her skirt and she stops me.
“I want you to do to me what you did in your blog – you know, when you wrote about seeing panties on the train.”
I tell her I’ll do that but only if she tells me how it feels.

I kneel before her and do as she asks. I slide the soft silky fabric up her legs to reveal white lacy pants – they are totally delicious – made entirely of flimsy cotton lace – very fine and with a pattern that showcases her beautiful mound and lips. I go to slip them off and again she stops me.

“I want you to stroke and rub me with them still on – I want to get so wet that you can suck my juice through the lace.”

It was fantastic to be doing what she wants. I use my fingers and my tongue to press the lace into her slit. I flick her clit with my tongue. She tells me what her muscles are doing, how good this feels and how wet she is getting. That she is enjoying it and getting very aroused is very exciting for me and my clit is clenching as well.
We both laugh as I make loud sucking noises – just like getting up the last of the milkshake.
She asks me to take off her knickers and suck her to orgasm – she explains that she wants us to learn how to give each other orgasms as well as having them.
I slip the wet lace off her body – she has a beautiful navel and channels where her legs join her hips – it’s as though her body is pointing you at her clit – at her centre.
She is still standing up as I suck her clit. She holds my head and says “I’m going to fuck you now.” She thrusts her mound against my face. My nose and mouth are surrounded by her labia – it is the most intimate thing I have ever done. Her skin is soft and silky, her clit is surprising hard, and her inner lips are quite plump. Her movements create a suction effect that alternately draws in air and draws out juice. She has a violent orgasm and I have to hold her hips in the circle of my arms to keep my face in that magical place. I know the exact moment that she orgasms as her juice changes flavour and texture – it is sharper and more viscous. I am able to lick it all up as she shudders and trembles back down to the plateau.

She kneels down and gazes into my eyes, she holds my face and says “That was truly mind blowing – I never realised sex could be like that.”
She gently pushes me back onto the carpet. She bends my knees and lifts them apart, much like the internal examination using the stirrups that most of us females are familiar with – we joke about that. She explains that she wants to pleasure me and see how my body changes when I’m excited – that she will look and I will describe. I lie back, she strokes my clit with her tongue, she slides her fingers into my vagina, she scratches my G-spot, she looks intently at me. I tell her how my orgasm is building. I feel my vaginal opening enlarging and contracting rhythmically. It builds to a crescendo and as I reach the peak she shrieks, ‘I can see it, you are cumming,” and I do. I then hear her say, “Your juice is still coming out in little gushes, as the muscles move.”
It takes 5 minutes for me to stop shuddering and shaking.
It is wonderful to know that you are doing exactly what someone desires.

The orgasm I had in reality was immense – and for the first time I was able to bring myself to three peaks. Do other women have multiple orgasms when they masturbate? Another of my unanswered questions.

My nearly first lesbian experience

2009-06-04T10:28:00.004+01:00

I work up at 5.45 am this morning – incredibly horny with a trace memory of cybering (?) lingering in my mind.

I did what I usually do in this state – I started to use my fingers on my clit. I use two fingers, about an inch apart to rub either side of the base and pull the flesh back to expose the hood.

I had reached that lovely state between dry and wet ……..

– you know the place, where you have to decide whether to wet your fingers or wait just a little bit longer until your vagina produces enough moisture to be wicked up by the muscles to the clit – so your fingers can slide up and down deliciously.

Before I could make that decision a picture jumped into my mind – this is unusual – normally I settle down, once things are nicely wet, to select and develop the fantasy. This time I received a vivid picture – bumping into the woman I described here a couple of days ago.

She is laughing, takes my hands and pulls me into a room. “It’s soundproofed and we can lock the door,“ she says. She goes in first and stands at the table and leans back a little, I lock the door and she beckons me forward. I get to within a couple of feet of her and she signals for me to stop.

She is smiling directly into my eyes and she gently bunches the fabric of her dress in each hand and starts to rub the fabric sensuously up and down her thighs. I think it is black cheesecloth, although I haven’t touched it I know it feels soft. The dress suits her figure – it fits snugly on the top and billows out over her waist and legs. She carries on rubbing for a while – lifting the fabric further and further up to expose almost the full length of her long legs.

As she looks deeply into my eyes I can feel, as a physical force, her arousal as it builds.

She lifts the dress and pulls it off over her head. Oh, beauty and joy her breasts are delicious – small and perfectly round. There is a slight sheen on her skin, there are little freckles sprinkled across them – maybe she has shown them to the sun. Her areolas are soft, smooth, pink and slightly domed – in that stage before full arousal – where they are thinking about it. They make up nearly half of the surface area – they seem to me to be begging to be kissed.

She stands there for a second and then motions me forward. I kneel before her and kiss her mound through her plain white cotton knickers, she arches her back a little. I take the opportunity to inhale her scent – it is addictive – I could do this all day.
She gets impatient and starts to pull her knickers down over her hips. I get the message and ease them down planting little kisses on her legs all the way down – and on the way back up.

She moans and opens up her legs a little to give me access to the silky softness of her inner thighs.
I reach her mound and tentatively slip my tongue into the slit, searching for the edge of her clit. She arches her back a bit more and suddenly there her clit is. Wild horses couldn’t have held me back – I lick round, up and down, I even try that rolled tongue technique I wrote for the Literotica role play – I use this to suck her clit up into a peak. The juice starts to flow from her honey pot – it is so sweet – I move my tongue to her vagina and luxuriate in the juice. Her vagina feels smooth to my tongue, it has little nooks and crannies that I explore – it is a glorious feeling. All the time I’m doing this she is moving against me and her juice is flowing – over my lips and across my face.

I feel her hands on my shoulders, pulling me up and away from her pussy. She holds my head in her hands and licks her juice from my cheeks. She kisses me deeply as she unbuttons my shirt and slides it off my shoulders, she undoes my bra so easily(!) and frees my breasts in one smooth movement. She cups my breasts in her hands and bends forward to swirl her tongue over my nipples.
She unzips my trousers and I step out of them. She sinks to her knees to kiss my mound as she gently pushes my knickers down over my knees to the floor.

It seems as though all of this is happening in slow motion – the intensity of it is awesome.

With her eyelashes she plants angel kisses on my clit – this is exquisite and makes me gasp with pleasure. She then grazes her teeth across the hood of my clit and sucks it into her mouth where she uses her tongue to create a swirling feeling. This drives my arousal to a fever pitch, the juice is literally flowing out. She trails her tongue to my vagina and I try to widen the space between my legs to increase her access. I stroke the back of her head, feeling the baby softness of her fine brown hair that mirrors the sparse covering on her mound. I can’t help making little thrusts with my hips, although I try hard to keep still so I can get the most feeling from her tongue, teeth and lips.

We are both moaning and groaning with passion and I want to show her that I love what she is doing to my pussy – I pull her gently upwards and plant kisses down her face as she reaches the same level as me. I lick my juice from her face – we taste slightly different – I’m a little more salty than her.

We both caress each other breasts and then use our hands to stroke and penetrate each other’s vagina. I want to feel her skin all over her body, I long to press up against her - I experience a moment of frustration – I don’t know how women pleasure each other and still keep all over body contact - if you see what I mean – I haven’t done this before.
We both seem to think of a solution at the same time. She eases one leg in between mine, this places both pussies in contact with a leg – her’s on mine and vice versa. This is spectacular and enables us to feel and rub clits and breasts and use hands and lips on each other with unrestricted access.

I have never been so turned on – my juice is all over her leg, the friction between my slit and her smooth skin is incredible, my orgasm is approaching at the speed of an express train – and so is hers if what I’m feeling through my lips, tongue hands and leg is anything to go by.

I just beat her to it as she cheats – she inserts 3 fingers into my vagina and strokes my G-spot. She has found this first go(!). My vagina spasms on her hand and I writhe with release. Her very vocal orgasm follows.

Gently disengaging her hand I slide my tongue down her body until I can lick her juice from her clit to her vagina. I have only just reached her vagina and inserted my tongue when she presses my face into her pussy and grinds against me in another orgasm. My tongue is gripped in her vagina and there is a new tangier taste as her orgasm juice (cum?) flows out.
She is determined to do the same to me – so I experience the most wonderful cunnilingus ever. I know what being eaten out feels like now.

I have cum for real by now and usually at this point the fantasy fades. I see the picture begin to soften and shimmer prior to fading away – I feel a real sense of loss until I hear her voice in my mind saying, “That’s the most amazing experience I have had – I have never done it before but it feels so right with you. I’m going to replay it tonight when I get to bed. See you soon.” Before I can tell her it was the same for me she has gone.

The really weird thing is the feeling I had when I woke up was that there was someone with me – maybe it was her waking up to replay her meeting with me, maybe her higher-self was seducing my higher-self. Maybe it was neither of these but it was so real that I would now describe myself as having had a real life lesbian experience.

It is very special to be able to feel a woman’s orgasm with your tongue.

Steamy in the hot weather

2009-06-04T00:27:00.002+01:00

During my journey to the business meeting today.....

On the subway a woman invades my personal space. The carriage is very crowded and that leaves little room to compensate for the movement of the train and to avoid personal contact between bodies. I catch her eye and she smiles at me, I smile back.

I have to hold on with both hands as there is nowhere to lean, as the train lurches she apologises for falling against me - she looks into my eyes and I feel my pupils respond as the sensation, of having my mound cupped and squeezed, is transmitted to my brain. I take a sharp breath - my cunt is on fire.

She continues to look at me, smiles again and licks her lips. She looks down and I follow her eyes and see my nipples projecting through my shirt. I see her hand reach toward my body and cup my mound for a second time. I tremble.
She insinuates a finger between my lips, through the fabric of my skirt and panties and caresses my clit. Instantly my clit becomes erect and the juice starts to soak through onto her finger.

I close my eyes and she blows a gentle breath on my face. When I open them she winks at me and starts to lift the fabric of my skirt and push her hand between my legs. She gently slides her fingers under the lace of my panties and starts to stroke my clit in earnest.

I'm lost. She leans forwards and softly licks my ear, she slides 3 fingers up my vagina and goes unerringly to my G-spot. Within seconds I am quivering inside, lines of muscles contract in sequence and the juice released pools into her hand and all over my panties and legs. She reaches down and dips her other hand in this juice and brings it to her mouth. She sucks her fingers and then puts them in my mouth, as I suck them she mirrors the rhythm up my vagina.
I'm building towards orgasm and she must sense this as she thrusts harder - catching my clit with her thumb.

I shudder and spasm, this time with her whole hand in my mouth to stop the noise. As I come down I notice her looking to my left - there is a woman watching us who smiles and blows us a kiss - she mouths "Thank you".

I wish.......

Summer Heat....between the legs

2009-06-02T22:35:00.002+01:00

New development today...

Not sure I know how to deal with this. Would appreciate some advice if any woman out there feels like coming in from the cold - from lurking on the periphery - to help me out here....

This isn't a dig at ~M - she is a star!

I was aroused by eye-contact with a woman today. She has a direct manner - gazes into my eyes - I'm sure there is a sexual message there:

"Yes, you are right - I recognise your interest and reciprocate."

I couldn't stop myself thinking about what her breasts looked like - under the fabric of her dress; what colour her pubic hair was; I lost the thread of our conversation.

I'm getting wet now, just writing about it.......

We spent an hour together working......

I wanted to run my fingers up the insides of her arms, trail my tongue up her legs from ankle to crotch, spreading her legs for me to see the soft freckled skin of her inner thighs; to lift her long hair from her pale neck and nuzzle her behind her pretty ears; to trace the outline of her lips with a wet finger and slip that finger in her mouth to be sucked gently.

Fuck, that is so potent an image.

I might even achieve the fantasy orgasm.

- on the other hand (sic) should I deny myself the exquisite pleasure of role playing her fingers on my clit.

Summer Sexual Festival - Being a Voyeur

2009-06-01T15:14:00.002+01:00

Different tack altogether…

Summer in the city – don’t you just love summer – the possibilities for fantasies seem endless.

This was brought forcefully to me to today – from the time I arrived at the train station – a delicious combination of warm weather (thin fabrics), summer breezes (blowing thin clothing up or against beautiful bodies), bare legs (soft skin rubbing together) – just add to the delights of fantasising about fellow travellers. Several times I had to change the subject in my mind as the images became too explicit and arousing – couldn’t arrive at a business meeting all hot and bothered… if you know what I mean.

This type of image has taken my fantasies in an entirely different direction – being the aggressor, the controller, the restrainer – not in a physical way – again it is the thought of psychological coercion that is so delicious
– of willing compliance, when I kneel before her to slide her cotton dress up her legs to reveal white lace being displayed for me, arching her back to highlight the treasures hidden within, shivers of delight greeting me as I slip these damp panties down and away from the wet clit and slit being offered for my tongue’s pleasure.

I saw panties three times in as many hours today – I was an innocent (!) voyeur ……
– On the train as a young woman crossed her legs, tight skirt – flowery cotton;
– At the bottom of the stairs on the subway as another young woman walked down towards me – breeze blowing the skirt up – actual white lace also see through – hair and slit easily visible – added bonus soft silky skin - legs rubbing;
– Again on the stairs a woman walking up in front on me – skirt so short that I could see her thong (red) and her arse cheeks and top of her thighs rubbing together.

Wonderful images involving nails and tongue on smooth skin; dipping and tasting in sweet wetness, swirling tongue and fingers to bring sensation to a peak; long, slow shuddering orgasms.

Should I be feeling guilty? This is being offered to me willingly, she begs me to release the tension; she would suffer if I didn’t oblige.

As ~M put it so well – maybe I should be showing restraint and self-control. I am – so far I haven’t done anything of these things – I’m a bystander in the summer sexual festival.

A thoroughly aroused and wet one, that has to go and do something about it…NOW.

Where was 1?

2009-05-29T14:07:00.000+01:00

Didn't expect to get so horny from writing about getting horny! Still, dealing with the problem was delicious, but maybe so long ago now ( two hours) that it might not keep me cool this time - but it will be fun finding out.

I have a theory that I'd like to test out. Is it possible to have an orgasm without any physical contact?

I have come (!) pretty close during the last month - thinking up situations for fantasies.

I fantasise about being watched - being controlled by others to masturbate myself to orgasm – I follow instructions – to touch my nipples and caress my skin, slipping up my shirt to feel my breasts, pushing my hand against my pubic mound. Pushing my hand down my pants and running my fingers up and down the slit between my lips until my clit becomes engorged and my vagina aches. I lean back and close my eyes as I get more excited – I don’t want to watch the watchers – but I can’t help getting aroused knowing they are watching. I don’t want to do this, want to stop but have no control.

Soon the juice starts to form a slick that gradually covers everywhere from anus to outer labia. If I’m standing up, like on a bus or a subway train, then the juice gradually slides down the insides of my thighs. If I’m lying down or across someone’s knees then it will pool under me and soak into the fabric.
Everything is swollen – my clit is very sensitive – to a scratching nail or an invasive tongue; my vagina is so engorged that it is two finger tight and grips any introduced items with regular muscle spasms.

Sometimes I just have to pleasure myself if the person who has been touching me stops.

If I have been told to remove my lower garments – skirt or trousers and pants then the swollen lips of my cunt will be an obvious sign of my lack of control over my body – the shiny, wet, red skin shows how I’m being aroused against my will, the lips will be open as I‘m incapable of keeping my legs together – they move wide apart on command, from whoever is controlling me. Depending on how my legs are placed the watchers will be able to see how the openings to my vagina and urethra open and close with the internal muscle spasms as my orgasm builds. If my legs are spread very far apart then my orgasm will signal itself with ripples of flowing juice and with exceptional arousal, little spurts of urine as all the muscles spasm.

This might be for an older woman that I have turned for advice, during a job interview, posing for photographs for a modelling application.

It could be for an assistant in a shop, helping me to try on a dress – that involves taking all my clothes off and being intimately measured – of course I get turned on by fingers brushing against my skin as my leg or breast measurements are being taken. The assistant takes control and I’m unable to stop my body responding to being seduced – I will do all sorts of risky things in my desperation to have an orgasm.

All of the scenarios are arousing because I’m not in control, I’m being coerced into doing things – to myself or to others. The more the control has been taken by someone else the more exciting it is.

Could this be the key to the fantasy orgasm?

I’d love to know what happens to other women – but maybe not knowing is also very arousing…..

What about fantasy orgasms

2009-05-29T09:37:00.000+01:00

I have been writing the blog now for nearly a month. In that time I have had a submissive frenzy and made several discoveries about myself – what arouses me to a level where I have to masturbate in order to return my brain to a functioning state.

So what have I learnt? And where does that take me….?

It is so easy to get aroused to the level where my whole body is sensitive – my nipples are hard, the skin on my neck and breasts goes red, the skin on my arms and legs gets very sensitised – so just brushing against something will trigger a reaction.

The reaction - is in my genitals and it is incredible – before I get wet I get an ache that goes from the tip of my clit, back and up through my vagina, up to my tummy button. With the ache I’m aware that everything is swelling – clit, outer lips, inner lips and the vaginal walls themselves. This ache is significant - as bad as when you twist an ankle on an uneven path.

It is at this point that I start to lose control – I find it almost impossible to think rationally – it becomes, “I want, I want…..” The wanting centres around orgasm – obviously.

This is when the wetness starts – and that is embarrassingly noticeable. It floods, soaks my clothes and the damp patch can be seen easily. My clit and vagina spasm and this squeezes the juice out. The spasms are delicious as they make my clit pulse against the seat. I cannot control them. It also seems as though they are more easily triggered now than a month ago.

How did that happen? The first time was reading ~M’s blog – the comment that started my submissive frenzy. I had a massive spasm and instant wetness – it felt like an electric shock.

Now the spasms can get triggered through a wide range of stimuli – I’ve been searching for blogs with a similar focus to mine and in this journey have had several clit jolts – from pictures and text;
I’m wet now from writing this and I haven’t even thought about any of the fantasies that would usually get me dripping
– in fact this is really weird as I’m approaching the point where I will have to masturbate – just from thinking about what happens in my body.

I haven’t touched myself at all and I’m going to have to do something about it now.

Wanting to be controlled - continued

2009-05-28T13:42:00.000+01:00

It's been a while since I commented last. Instead of writing I thought I might make a real effort to do something about the sexual feelings that have been dominating my waking life.

Following ~M's advice I tried some submissive websites. I'm not sure what I was looking for - opportunities to have further exchanges with someone who understood my needs, physical release through cybering - both of these were on the agenda at first.

This wasn't as straightforward as I had hoped so I looked back at what I had got out of previous excursions into online-led arousal.

I found YouPorn and RedPorn from an article in the Financial Times and this was an amazing find that really helped me begin to understand where my sexual desires were focused. Really arousing are the videos of female orgasms - this really surprised me. I quickly get really wet and aching from watching only one or two of these, especially if there is a soundtrack.

In the orgasm videos the women appear to be having a good time, focusing on their own arousal rather than pleasuring some stud. So that gives me permission to have the same feelings - but masturbating at the keyboard doesn't work - so I have to take myself in hand later - so to speak.

I'm also really turned on by Literotica stories about control and submission with lesbian leanings - my ideal fantasy is to be controlled/persuaded into lesbian sex.

So where did this leave me?

The experience with ~M - laid out for all to see further back in this Blog - was delicious in sexual terms - a hard act to follow.

My first experiment with cyber sex via a Literotica chat room was not a success sexually - I don't think I got the hang of typing, fantasising and masturbating at the same time - I ended up wet but frustrated.

So my next attempt to see where this took me involved more cyber sex. I posted my availability in a chatroom and quickly met someone interested in lesbian sex - but this got quite scary as the person demanded webcam or digital photos - she(?) became really quite aggressive. I remembered ~M's advice about not having to do things that didn't feel right, even if I was the submissive and so I questioned the need for pictures. this brought the session to a close very quickly.

So I'm not sure what to do next.

I long to have a lesbian experience in my fantasies. But a solo fantasy seems a poor second after ~M. Cybering seemed the answer to that - but I'm not sure how one finds someone willing to build fantasies. My experience so far has not been promising.

The submissive website: http://www.submissiveloving.com/online.html has an invitation to display blogs - but there are no others from women wanting to be controlled by women. I did post the link to my blog - but it hasn't appeared in the listings.

So I live in hope and carry on reading Literotica!

More soon.

If these ramblings strike a chord with you then please feel free to comment.

2009-05-09T10:17:00.001+01:00

~M has decided that she can't continue - how do I feel.

A lot has happened in this last week.
Last Sunday I had cyber sex with H on Literotica. Although we went through all the moves it was strangely disappointing - I got aroused - very wet - but didn't feel engaged with the process. We played a control game but after the intensity of the feelings with ~M - it was avery poor second.

Initially I felt devastated by ~M's decision but have come to terms with it. She has been very generous with her advice. I got myself in a potentially dangerous place and I feel she didn't take advantage.
We have talked via email and I'm following up her suggestions.

One brilliant suggestion - the submissive site. That has been a real eye opener because that's where I discovered I might have experienced a submissive frenzy. There it describes the kind of frantic activity people go through witha love object (person). It was different with me - I wanted sexual release, to be told what to do - sexually, explicitly. I wanted the contact to last only as a means of sexual gratification - I think.

Reflecting on this new it seems a very male trait - to only want sex from a contact - so is that what I really wanted? May be I'm being naive again.......

Maybe the measure of that is the affection I now feel for ~M - as though she has become a good friend - someone I can share feelings - fears, concerns and joys with.

As I continue my journey perhaps things will become clearer. Perhaps others will read this and their comments help me understand myself better.

In the meantime I have turned to recording my sexual fantasises so I can publish them on Literotica. The first one has been submitted - based on my posts here - Caught Cybering. I'm waiting for this to be approved and published. I have another ready to upload - about the school janitor who blackmails me into sex with him as he has seen the YouPorn video, there's a third one in my head - about the janitor winning a bet with the pool man that he could get me to masturbate to orgasm in front of them.

I set up another session with the person I met in the Literotica chatroom - I emailed her the link to my favorite Literotica story:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=397157

She replied indicating she thought that was great - but when the time came to chat she didn't show up - second thoughts maybe - not surprising really - I was feeling a bit shaky about doing this for real - as it were.

I have assumed that what I do is masturbate while imagining that the person I'm chatting to is doing those things to me and then I tell them what I'm doing to them. This seems different from what I was doing with ~M - I wasn't masturbating, it was all head stuff.

Weird - I'll have to ponder that some more.

Control and reflection

2009-05-03T14:33:00.000+01:00

What happened……

Observations:
· I have never been aroused without release for 14 straight hours before and the orgasm when it came was incredible
· It was very easy to ‘write’ the final fantasy and also incredibly arousing to type it up
· Do I have a flair for erotic stories - maybe ~M will give me feedback on that
· It was easy to play the role – after about 8 hours I think I began to play it for real – although I don’t think I needed to use the slang to push the envelope further - but I can appreciate it that someone else wanted me to need to do that.
· What pushed me over the edge….. probably arousal coupled with fatigue – I was just so f****ing horny :-)

Control:
· Did ~M do it to me or did I do it to myself – some of the early revelations were that – revelations – the need for approval I understand – being sent to boarding school at 7 years old does something to you – I have recently discovered that the primary emotion associated with those 5 years at that school was ‘fear’ – that I wouldn’t have a home to go back to – I was bullied at that school and so would have been approval seeking with both older and younger girls – not least for safety and acceptance. Were these the seeds?
· Being aroused by someone writing about control was a complete shock – when ~M wrote in her blog:

the thought of you wanting to be controlled is sublime... and you also recognize that, for you, it's a means to justify your actions, a means to escape responsibility and give in to your desires... that's a wonderful observation! I think that you are the kind of person I've been drawn to control in the past, and your level of self-awareness makes you of unique interest to me...

My reaction was instantaneous and at that point the fantasy and the reality walked side by side.
My need for approval made imagining the more paranoid ideas easy – I got very aroused thinking about what ~M might say and the suspense waiting for her replies was all too real. Interestingly though getting a message had four emotional stages to it:
1. Relief, letting out breath when I saw it had arrived
2. A spike of arousal as I digested what was said
3. A spike of anxiety about whether that would be the last communication – usually accompanied by a vaginal spasm.
4. The arousal building as I waited for the hoped for next one – and it was at this point that fantasy took over – the needy messages and the confessions

So there is a demonstrable or should I say tangible (wet vagina/swollen clitoris) outcome from approval seeking and this was the shock – being controlled – not necessarily being told what to do – but more a yearning that what I was doing and saying was acceptable to the other party – so I would be accepted by them.
There is a point where I crossed from an intellectual approach to a much more personal narrative – that probably reflects where the fantasy started to merge with reality, or even replace reality.

Maybe it was the latter that opened the flood gates for the reminiscences about sexual events. I was shocked and still am to a certain extent about how easy it was to confess sexual arousal for a female friend and then to reveal that ( I still feel shame about) – I was being controlled (was that it?) by a pervy old man – he didn’t just take pictures of me topless – he brushed his fingers against my breasts - accidentally – while moving my long hair this way and that for different poses – and I did feel aroused and disgusted with myself for that.

But where does the arousal now come from? I’m baffled - is the answer so obvius that I have walked straight passed it?

I’m normal – at least I thought I was. I know about Freud and repressed sexual desires – the id trying to escape the chains of our conscience and had dismissed it as he produced no scientific evidence to prove this theories; Melanie Klein’s work in domestic violence would like to persuade us that we welcome sexual invasion as we have residual guilt arising from the shared myths (Jung). That is also a difficult one to prove.

I also don’t think I’m a lesbian yearning to come out – but maybe the arousal puts the lie to that – so maybe then I’m bi. When I watch porn videos I avoid looking at gay men taking it up the anus, I’m also not interested in seeing women giving blow jobs – the lesbian couples/threesome videos all seem very staged – lots of looking to the camera and moaning but no tangible evidence of arousal. What does turn me on is watching female orgasms whether it is solo or couples – haven’t seen what looks like a real lesbian orgasm

– and the best thing is really close up so I can see the muscles, the mucus and hear the vocals. But again I don’t know why and what that says about me.

Revelation….. could it be the control thing – do women masturbate and film themselves for their own pleasure or are they being manipulated/filmed by men? Am I being turned on by the subtle control I sense behind the camera.
I think I need some help here – maybe ~M would be generous to throw some light on this.....

~M gives me my reward

2009-05-03T11:58:00.000+01:00

After that delicious marathon session I felt I owed it to you to tell you how the rest of the fantasy played out. But I also want to say or propose something else , as well.

I suspect that you are also interested in what lies beneath all this. I want to analyse what makes me do this so there are two strands. The second reflective one will take a little time, as I need to separate out what happened from the fantasy. So please bear with me on that.

But this was so arousing that I'd like to do it again ....... soon?

So back to the story….

After my last plea there was a short pause and then an email arrived “Report to Room 101 - ~M”

That was the video editing suite – ‘what was that all about’ flitted through my head. But I couldn’t have ignored the summons. Then the shock hit me …… a colleague….

You told me to shut the door – another shock – you – a younger, more junior colleague…..

“Over here, please”.

I stood trembling and quivering before you …… not daring to hope that you would deliver what you promised.

You gestured for me to take my shirt off and that’s when it hit me – you knew what I was like inside. I started to back away and you must have sussed what I was feeling as you reached out and caressed one of my breasts. I couldn’t help it – a moan escaped.

“You want this, don’t you” – No…Yes… I whispered.

“Of course you do, you have been pleading with me to do this” – Yes I whispered.

You leaned towards me and gently took one of my nipples into your mouth – the jolt was visible – you looked up at me and said “Tell me what you are feeling – and don’t whisper” – the last bit should have warned me but I was too far-gone.

The next jolt hit me – my pussy feels so hot and full – I stammered – then the autopilot took over and I couldn’t have stopped pouring out my slutty commentary and pleas…..

Its aching for you, my clit is so hard, please, please, please – touch me there – I want your tongue on my clit, I want to cum for you so hard – I’m on fire, please, please.

You leaned back and then pressed your hand to my mound – “You are hot aren’t you, my little English Rose slut – and wet – I’d like to see that”
I peeled off my trousers – they had stuck to my crotch - and stood in front of you in just my pants – longing for what I hoped was next but dreading it too.
“Lets have those off as well” – you nodded towards my pants.

I was so ashamed that I tried to slip them down and off so you wouldn’t see how soaked they were – but you were too clever for me…”not so fast – give them to me”

You held them and squeezed the crotch – “What a hot, wet, little slut you are – come here, time for your reward”

You bent again to suck one of my nipples and gently established a rhythm – “Tell me how it feels” and as I gasped out – Yes, yes, I’m so hot for you, my pussy longs for you, my clit burns for you, I want you to fuck me with your fingers – my legs spread wide of their own accord and my hips rose to the rhythm.

“You’ll need to show me just how hot you are, how you deserve to cum before I let you” – yes, yes – I groan.

“I want to see your juice dripping on to the floor before I touch your clit”

With that you went back to sucking my nipples and started to lightly stroke up and down my navel – to the top of my bush. The same rhythm drove me wild and soon my thrusts were flinging drops of juice everywhere.

You realised that I very close to the edge and “Good girl, you are nearly there”….
“Just one last thing”…… my heart nearly stopped …. “I want you to put your bottom up on the desk and hold your ankles with your hands” ….. Why? I whispered – not wanting to know the answer.

“Please don’t pretend you are stupid – naïve yes – we need to show them that when you cum its real – to do that we need some close ups of your pussy in action – pushing out that juice”

Then it hit me…..Oh no – please no – not YouPorn

I realised then just how clever you were – no-one would be able to identify you – with your back to the camera I thought was just sitting on the far table waiting to be put back in the cupboard.

Please no…..

“ You were doing so well, it’s a pity, but if that’s what you want” – you turned as is to leave – Oh, please don’t go…. I can’t cum until you tell me to – I need to cum,– please. I put out my hand to stop you and you looked ….. I’m sorry, I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to touch you - I’ll do anything you want. You nodded towards the desk and I moved towards it. You sensed that I had crossed the line and softened towards me.

“Up on the desk – yes, that’s right – now spread your legs as far as they will go – Good, that’s a lovely picture, but don’t forget I’ll be very disappointed if we don’t get a 5 star rating” – you said from behind the camera.

You leant over me on the desk, with the camera remote in your hand and you slowly caressed the skin of my inner thighs with the remote. I was beyond speech by them and could only moan Yes, yes, yes, - by this point I didn’t care about the camera or anything except my pussy and how good it felt.

You kissed the skin of my navel and slowly ran your tongue towards my bush, it felt like fire as you got closer to my pulsating pussy. Then as I was about to pass out you ran a finger gently across my clit and then slid all four up my pussy – that drove me wild – Please let cum, please, please.

“I’m going to suck your clit – you can cum now”
As you took my hard clit into your mouth my orgasm began to build – all the muscles from my clit to my anus started to spasm, my pussy opened and closed in time with the spasms. I’m cumming, I’m cumming - I screamed – as the juice came out in little spurts and pooled on the desk under me.

You were as good as your promise – every time the spasms started to slow you gave my clit a little nip with your teeth and I came again and again – until I begged you to stop.

“Good girl – I think we’ll call it

Our virgin English Rose’s first lesbian orgasm or English Rose plucked – we’ll save English Rose pricked for next time – Don’t worry that just my joke”

And you added – “I think we’ll keep this as our little secret – from the rest of the staff – they might be surprised that we seem to be friends so I’ll tell them that you are helping me learn about English flowers – I’ll call you Daisy – that will be my way of attracting your attention when I want something special – D.D – Daisy Dyke”

“Lets see what rating we get …..”

My first experience

2009-05-03T03:00:00.000+01:00

I'm shattered but elated - I'm on a sexual high.

Thank you ~M.

That was amazing - I have been aroused for nearly 14 hours and its now 3 am.

With your permission I'm off to bed to follow your instructions.

I didn't touch myself until you gave me permission......

Now why did I tell you that.........

2009-05-03T02:28:00.001+01:00

Have I gone too far......

I think I'am so hot for it that my brain is scrambled......

Please be nice to me.....

Please

2009-05-03T02:18:00.000+01:00

Can I rub my clit now,
I realise how slutty this sounds and I can’t help myself.

My pussy is red and wet and aching for you to tell me what to do……

My clit is so hard. I wish I could …………

I want someone to ram their fingers up my cunt so that the cum goes everywhere and then everyone will know what I’ve doing.

Please ………

My pussy aches

2009-05-03T02:05:00.000+01:00

When I masturbate……

I open the lips of my pussy with one hand and gently stroke around my clit with one finger – I think about people making me do things. I always wanted to be a model and when I was at school I had a girlfriend who was an artist and she got a Saturday job with a friend of the family who was a photographer – he persuaded her to bring me along for some pictures – he was in his sixties. He made me strip to the waist and took pictures of me topless. I’ve never told anyone this before.
So thinking about how he did this and what else he could have made do gets my pussy very wet …
not as wet as it is now.

I imagine him pulling my pants down and saying how hot I am for it because my clit is sticking out. He flicks my clit and it makes me moan and against my will I’m getting wet.

I long to have you touch me – my pussy is pushing itself out and upwards towards the computer as if you can see me – I can’t control it.

Then he makes me bend over so he can photograph my lips – they are glistening and reflecting the light. He shows me the pictures so I can see what I slut I am. Then he gets my friend to come back in and watch him as he wanks his huge cock – he forces her to hold me as he cums all over me – then he forces her to lick it all off – she looks up at me and whispers – “I’m sorry” – I believe her.
As she licks the cum off my tits one of my hard nipples slips into her mouth and she sucks on it – I get a jolt in my pussy – I’m really guilty about that – my clit jumps every time she touches me I’m so hot and I don’t want her to find out my guilty secret. Her tongue runs a burning line down my navel.
There’s more spunk down there “ he says and pushes her head down to my aching pussy.

I’m really trembling now – both in the story and really – my pussy is soo hot , I want ……..

When Cherry’s lips brush against my clit I moan loudly and a little spurt of juice comes out. I think she pretends not to notice and starts to lick my clit – this drives me wild – I have to bite my lip to stop crying out. But I can’t help it I have to push my pussy into her face and she takes my clit into her mouth and sucks me off. I cum and cum
He has pictures of it all – and I don’t realise that she is a willing partner in all of this.

Is that Ok?

I’m not sure what else you want me to say – please let me do more for you…… but I need to cum

Please read this

2009-05-03T01:39:00.000+01:00

Is ~ M playing games with me now?

I want to tell her exactly what is happening to my body but I’m afraid that will make her wait even longer to …….

Could I tell her any way………

Why do I need to do that ………

Because it is more intense than any fantasy I have ever had….

the juice is literally dripping out of my vagina….

my pants are soaking – very sensible things – I have never worn a thong it seems too bare…
my jeans are drenched and there’s a damp patch along the outside of the seam between my legs.

Every so often my vagina and clit have a spasm and contract and that pushes out more juice.
My clit is so swollen and hard that it is sticking out through my labia and brushing against my pants making it difficult to walk without showing how aroused I am.

If I used a mirror I think I would look like those women masturbating on youporn – I thought all that was simulated – maybe it isn’t.

So now I have confessed to watching porn …….. I wanted to tell ~M that – why?
So she could use that……..

Another vaginal spasm…. that seems to happen now every time I think about what ~M might require me to do.

How long can this keep going?

I'm not doing that well

2009-05-03T01:00:00.000+01:00

I tried to distract myself by doing work emails - on a Saturday. It didn't work as you can see I was waiting, waiting, waiting on your reply.

Everything is aching........ please let me please you.

Sorry - but

2009-05-03T00:46:00.001+01:00

I'm sorry but waiting is really difficult

Can't help myself

2009-05-03T00:40:00.000+01:00

~M asked me to tell her something about myself – before I have even thought I have launched into telling her about the time that Jill, Mary and I went to India.

It felt right to tell her, I wanted to tell her….. why?

Is this another example of approval seeking – maybe I should also tell her what my fantasies involve……..

I think I want it to be her hands holding me back against the wall while she instructs me to open my legs, her hand briefly pressing my mound as she puts one leg between mine – I long to be Allison to her Megan (shysub19) but I’m terrified of what she will make me do.

Should I be so direct ……..

I long to tell her everything……… she is so persuasive or I’m so under her control.

How revealing

2009-05-03T00:14:00.001+01:00

I just realised how easy it was to tell you about Mary - I have never told anyone else about that incident.

Was I compelled to confess - Yes, but it was very subtle.... I wanted to tell you.

How skilled you are.

And I'm getting aroused again - it kind of faded there for a while - now I'm wondering what you will do with what I've just told you.

and as you asked - are my thighs tightening together, yes -

About me

2009-05-02T23:46:00.000+01:00

You ask me about myself .....

I have never had any sexual experience with women. The closest I came to it was on an extended trip to India with two female friends. We slept 3 to a room in hotels for the whole summer vacation and no-one wanted to share the double bed as it was so hot.
I knew Mary is a lesbian, we are good friends - she and Jill teach infants and I teach teenagers. We used to joke about wearing earplugs to muffle the kids' screams in the yard when playing games. She and her partner Fay came to my wedding.

The incident happened at Kujharho - the sacred place with lots of temples with erotic statues - reputedly where Indian couples go on their honeymoons to learn about pleasuring each other. That and the fact that none of us had had partner sex or masturbated for 4 weeks may have had something to do with it.
We had decided to have a lazy day by the pool and Mary offered to put some sunscreen on me - as I lay on my front. After she rubbed it on my back she asked if I thought my legs needed some as well. Without a thought I said - 'Please'. From the ankles to the knees was fine - but she started to rub me very gently up the back of and between my thighs - I can picture it as if it were yesterday. She nearly reached the top of my thighs and it really aroused me - I got quite wet. I didn't dare move or say anything. But then she stopped, I didn't know what to say - she and I were not alone although Jill was well into the Indian Times crossword and wouldn't have noticed if we had a full on grope.
Later on that day she initiated a discussion about being faithful and asked if I thought Fay was being faithful in her absence. They were so besotted and clearly made for each other so that answer was easy.
I always wondered what I might have done if she had continued.

Maybe that was my awakening - but I didn't fantasize about women until after then.

Like you I'm very happily married - lots of my colleagues have had flings with married men - it is the talk of the staff room - parents and kids may not think teachers are sexual beings - they are. I feel that if two people have gone to the trouble of working at a relationship then its not fair to butt in.

He knows I masturbate - probably not how often or even when. He goes away on business trips quite a lot and that's when the fanstasies kick in.

Do you want to know more?

Trembling and quivering

2009-05-02T23:34:00.000+01:00

~M has read my last post and is asking do I want permission?

Yes, yes , yes. But there is something of the masochist in me as I posted the next page I had written while waiting in desperation for her answer.
.
Will she get bored and log off or will she read my plea and …….

Waiting for answer is exquisite torture….

I am going to admit it to myself – finally…

I’m desperate to be controlled, to be told what to do – to myself, with others – that’s as far as I dare go at the moment - to admit any more and there’s lots more would be far too dangerous.

I felt I had to admit that, in case ~M was waiting for me to confess further – as a means of strengthening the control she has over me. I don’t want to risk doing the wrong thing. I can’t take much more arousal and I want her to……

Another revelation…..

Make me do something….. what?

Another thought….
Am I being too frank – have I put her off me… is this too disgusting for her?

I have read all her posts – it has made me feel better…..maybe it will be OK as she has written explicitly about controlling, about women – but will she…..

Maybe if I told her about the stories that had the most impact on me.

Another terrifying thought…

Can people read my blog and me not know? What if ~M is doing that and deliberately making me wait …….

Please……..

Another milestone – and I’m trembling like a leaf in one of those breezes that just caresses your skin and also quivering like a frightened rabbit transfixed by the stare of a predator….

~M has just answered my last post

So I’m trembling with excitement about what will the control lead to – images swirling and chasing each other through my mind – delicious, wet, fingers and tongues.

I’m also quivering with fear in case that is the last contact.

The trembling is now associated with anxiety – what will I have to do?

2009-05-02T22:55:00.000+01:00

Before I saw your comment on the previous post I wrote this......

I think I have blown it - ~M has not appeared.

The article I read said:
“The trade-off between privacy and emotional closeness is not so dominant in online relationships mainly because of the greater ability to conceal private information and the decreased vulnerability of the participants”.

That may be the case with other people but not me…. I’m so vulnerable to rejection…

Now, where did that come from?

Yes, I do feel very vulnerable – it’s as though I can’t function normally without this approval. How can I be giving away such control over my very being without even realizing it?

“Online communication enables people to continue with their regular schedule and engage in their online relationships only when it is least intrusive”.

Is she teasing me…….

Why do I care so much?

I have to go back and read her special message to me – the really exciting and most scary bit is:

“of unique interest”

I don’t need exclusivity – I just want to be……………..

What do I want…………..

Permission?

To do what…………

To be told what to do…………… Is that really it……………..

I’ll have to think about that …………….

It might be the answer as I’m getting more aroused.
It gets to a plateau and evens off – Now, I’m shaking so much its like being cold but I’m the opposite inside – trembling – that’s the word. Both physically and mentally, quivering – I’m also doing that.

If I get permission……. She’ll tell me what to do……

What if……..

2009-05-02T19:50:00.000+01:00

How does control work? – usually we give permission to others to control us “It’s your turn, you choose”.
This becomes more difficult if we desire something – then the other person exerts control maybe without even realising it, even the person being controlled may not be aware that is happening.

I logged on again and again and looked at the blog hoping to see my comment had been read – and if it had been read that my tentative approach for acceptance had been acknowledged and, beyond my wildest dreams, had been valued through a personal comment indicating some interest from the other person.

That this was a subtle form of control only dawned on me when I started to analyse why I couldn’t get sexual release through the usual and delicious means – I wasn’t in control.

Then I started to think about what might be behind this.

Had ~M controlled all this from the start?
It was chance that I found Jennifer’s stories, curiosity that led me to her blog and perhaps design that pulled me to ‘constant control’. Was the name the warning of the trap I was just to fall into – after all we expect warnings on most things nowadays.

Or is all of this in my imagination?

So what was I to do now? – if ~M has controlled all of this so far – by deliberately spacing her posts and comments so the longing (and the control) is stronger, then what?

I’ve gone back to the article I was reading earlier to se if there were any clues. In fact it made it worse as it explained what was happening to me.

It said:
“In actual circumstances, we often have to compromise our privacy with our wish
to maintain significant personal and social relationships. By letting emotions play a central role in our lives, we assent to being exposed to a certain extent; we relinquish some privacy in order to be able to live emotionally.”

But I thought sexual fantasies didn’t engage my emotions, after all the guilt I feel when I read erotic stories is less than eating a donut, so it must be something much deeper within me that is causing this dependency on approval from a stranger.

The article went on to explain what might be happening to me:
“Telling our secrets to someone may establish a friendship, but it also exposes our vulnerability. Thus, allowing another person to see us in a disgusting or humiliating situation is an indication that we consider this person to be our intimate and hence are willing to decrease our privacy”

– so was confessing to ~M my way of pleading with her - “Please be my friend?”

Janis Joplin sang “Freedoms just another word for nothin left to lose”, so if I give …. (listen to me as if I have any choice about whether I have given control to ~M),

Start again – If I reveal everything will I be free?

Again reference to the article reveals another pearl: “Privacy is required when we have something to lose and hope that by keeping it private, the loss will be prevented. Our wish to keep something private indicates the presence of some conflict. Is such a conflict a necessary feature of our social life, or is it something we should aspire to overcome?”

The point I have now reached is wondering…. if none of this was intended have I just been guilty of sexually harassing ~M by my explicit comments on her blog and by inviting her to ‘follow’ mine.

And having said this have I just given her more control over me……..

I suppose I won’t know the answers to any of this until I log on again….
Just writing this has increased the arousal I’m experiencing – I didn’t think I could get any more excited without …., but that still hasn’t happened …

Oh, gosh another thought – may be I won’t be able to have an orgasm. I’ve read that in stories and scoffed – is it possible it might be happening to me and if so what happens next –

Perhaps I’ll just have another look and see if ~M is following.

Yes, yes, yes...........

She is waiting for me to invite her - my invitation didn't work.

I'm so hot and bothered that I'm not even thinking straight........

2009-05-02T14:44:00.000+01:00

No going back now, I've invited ~M.

What do I want out of sharing?

I need to get back the control..... but do I want to.....

Be sensible, ..... I have to or I won't be able to concentrate on anything if I keep on feeling like I do.

Is this what being dominated feels like........

2009-05-02T14:32:00.000+01:00

This is awful and scary. I’m very aroused and usually I would use my fingers in concert with my mind, think about a scenario where another person – usually a woman - touches me so my clitoris and vagina react against my will and I lose control over my body.
But I’m so aroused now that I can’t concentrate on bringing up a picture and a story - I don’t even really want to touch myself as somehow I feel that would be wrong – I think I would feel guilty as it is someone else’s right to do that.

Thinking this way is making it worse – I’m so turned on now that my vagina aches and I’m afraid I will do something really risky that would expose me as some kind of sex addict – maybe put myself under the control of someone else who will make me do things that will expose me.

An hour later ….
I’ve tried to clear my mind in the hope that the arousal will subside – distracting myself with reading an article in an electronic journal – the sort that would normally put you to sleep.
But I keep revisiting this in my mind – like my tongue if I have a sore tooth – so I hope the best way to ‘manage’ my body is to return to why I feel like this and what can I do about it…

SO not working …… I ache to have someone’s tongue on my clit – she is drawing me into her web and normally I would be fantasizing ‘despite my struggles’ – not now I’m going willing, yearning desperately, but I have no picture – if I try to picture a person, even a woman, all I get is the feeling that I have become a vagina and a clitoris with no brain. That is a new feeling that has come with an increasing arousal – normally this level of arousal only occurs after some serious hand work after reading a literotica story or with a home grown fantasy.

Today all I have done is read a blog posting.

Funnily enough I usually feel a bit guilty about reading erotic stories and masturbating. Not now – it’s almost as though someone has taken over the pleasure centre in my mind – I’m feeling really panicky. I wish I could go back to the safety of those fantasies and being in control in my real life.

Shit – I don’t like this…. but, ‘Yes’ maybe I do ……

Trouble is I’m now reading an article about computers and human behaviour – it is scary how relevant it is….

“Privacy expresses the wish to be active in a certain unique manner within a certain social framework, such as a state, neighborhood, a chat room, work, friends, or family. This framework includes other people who we must take into account, while still retaining our own identity.
Privacy expresses a wish to belong to a social group, to keep its principles (or at least
its essential ones), but still have space for imagining and doing whatever one wants—even if this may sometimes conflict with certain prevailing norms. Privacy involves the wish to maintain some discretion over one’s intimate affairs.
In cyberspace, we can belong to a certain social or personal framework without assimilating into this framework, as we still have an offline life and we control the type of private information that is revealed.

I want you to know who I am….. Am I losing control of my offline life?

My first revelation

2009-05-02T14:15:00.000+01:00

I have started on a journey of learning about myself. It started really safely but lately has become scary.

I've learnt about the power of ambiguity.........

Not sure if is safe to share my inner thoughts ...but aching to do it anyway ... to see what happens?

To force myself to grow?

To give in to inner desires?